Scribe Report by Sperm Polluter
Eighty-two enthusiastic hashers turn up at the ever diminishing A-Site ready to give it their blood, sweat and tears again for the PH3. The A-Site is well used but appears to be getting smaller every time we go back, and the landscaping is a nice touch too.
SPERM POLLUTER has been poorly (ahhhh), and announced he will not be running, much to the delight of MARATHON MAN who says, “It gives me a chance today then’, lol.
LUCAN MADE ME CUM brings four virgins, relatives of his apparently, but one would have thought he would have advised them to dress properly and wear appropriate footwear. After all, it is a hash and not a stroll through Central Festival shopping mall.
Much to the annoyance of the female virgins they set off on the “walk”, wearing sandals and flip flops, after about 5 minutes the daughter goes arse over tit and lands in a heap in the middle of the dirt track. She’s not happy and makes an immediate short cut back to the A-Site.
DEL BOY is first back, very close behind him is HARBOUR QUICKSTART. I think DEL BOY spent most of the run behind HQS checking out “her” ass and then made a sprint to cum first.
It was noticeable that LUCAN MADE ME CUM managed a couple of quick beers when he got back before making a sharp exit. Obviously the female virgins were not having the great time that was promised and wanted to GTF ASAP.
GM calls the circle, and hands over to THE WIZARD because the GM is also a hare (again). WIZARD ices the hares and proceeds to ask the circle about the run. The general consensus was that it was a good run, and most unusual was the distance stated by the hares was more or less correct, more luck than judgement one would suggest.
GM takes over and ices SIR FREE WILLY (never a pretty sight), one female hasher is particularly disgusted and she gets the full view of SFW‘s arse in all its splendour. It turns out the female hasher (SISTER SLUDGE) is a visitor from Oz, where she is a police officer and informs the circle she would arrest SFW for indecent exposure if he did that over in Oz. (Wouldn’t be the first time says SFW).
SFW takes the circle for the famous Raffle with no expense spared on the prizes as usual, and the winners are: JACK WOW, MOSQUITO, SQUEEZE MY TUBE, ZENERGY, CASPER, RASPUTIN, RAT VON KIEL and FORREST HUMP. Congratulations to all the winners and thanks to everyone who keeps buying tickets week in week out, thank you for the support.
SFW is iced again by the GM, this time he is flanked by JACK WOW, an ex-Cop, SISTER SLUDGE, a current Cop and THE WIZARD, an ex-Prison Warden, a scene only too familiar for SFW, but this time he has no money to offer the customary bribe.
WANK-KING’S WANKER takes the circle for the awards, SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE – 50 Runs T-shirt, ARSE VON HOLE – 50 Runs, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER – 200 Runs and SQUEEZE MY TUBE – 450 Runs. Congratulations to all, well done.
GM resumes control (sort of) and ices SFW (again), BORING PRICK, PHANTOM and VV, because they were the only ones that admitted they went to school. He then brings a very lovely Slovenian teacher into the circle (none of my teachers ever looked like that). She was asked if she would let any of them into her school to teach them, and as you guessed, the answer was most definitely NO, they look a bunch of illiterate, cross-dressing perverts was the reason (many a true word said in jest).
GM calls Alicia Ward into the circle and asks her to take a seat, time to name our new hasher. Alicia is studying Criminology in university and eventually taking a career in Law Enforcement, so in keeping with the theme our new hasher is named “THE PROFILER“.
LIBERACE is iced and has his Hash Crash removed. He is told to be more careful about being rear ended in the Pratumnak area.
The Americans are iced because the US Navy has no radar on their ships and cannot navigate, they keep ramming other vessels, bunch of useless septics.
BIGGUS DICKUS and BANANAS are iced because they turned 70 years young this week which means that they can now sit down in the circle (old bastards).
The Aussies are iced and SISTER SLUDGE‘s Dad ends up in the bucket because she supports Queensland (it’s an Aussie thing). The Brits are iced because the GM doesn’t know the difference between, England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland, well he is a convict so what do you expect?
The GM announced the he and SISTER SLUDGE are from the same village, although decades apart, and she remembered seeing his photo on the wall in the village hall, “The Village Idiot”, the GM is still proud of that accolade.
The biggest roar of the evening goes out when the GM announced he’s going to be away for a month, and THE WIZARD will be acting GM.
BURL IVES sings the hares song “Dog’s Arse” and that leaves 6 down downs. BALL RINGER is to lead the Hash Hymn along with SISTER SLUDGE, she’s never done it before she proclaimed, but judging by those hand gestures she’s no stranger to masturbation.
On-On! Sperm Polluter
Next week’s scribe is to be announced
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 82
Hashers Present Last Week – 59
13 Wichuda Prakaykaeu; 2 Sakhorn Sakaew; 50 ARSE VAN HOLE; 616 BALL RINGER; 40 BOB SNOT HERE; 7 BORING PRICK; 122 BURL IVES; 61 CASPER; 39 CHICKEN DUNDEE; 119 CRAPPER; 92 DEL BOY; 105 DIRT LOONEY; 529 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 8 FORREST HUMP; 646 G.I. JOE; 22 GADDAFI’S BRIDE; 16 GADDAFI’S HUSBAND; 309 GANGREEN; 26 GIGGLE TITS; 114 GOLDEN RIVET; 15 HARBOR QUICKSTART; 29 HOI WAN; 20 JACK WOW; 713 LADY FLIPPER; 356 LIBERACE; 446 LONE WOLF; 146 LOST CAUSE; 19 LUCKY NUMBER; 205 MARATHON MAN; 41 MAYO QUEEN; 170 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 199 MENTAL DISORDER; 120 MISS USE ME; 2 MOSQUITO; 28 MR GIGGLE SHIT; 29 MR POTATO HEAD; 760 MRS. HEAD; 200 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 65 PHANTOM; 45 PINK DOLPHIN; 75 POCKET SOCKET; 103 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 5 PROFILER; 59 RAT VON KIEL; 15 SHE’S THE BOSS; 708 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 735 SIR FREE WILLY; 734 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 897 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 7 SPEEDY GONORRHEA; 86 SPERM POLLUTER; 450 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 66 TELLY TUBBY; 57 THE WIZARD; 211 TWO TIME; 69 UNSTABLE LOAD; 825 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 346 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 27 ZENERGY
Returners – 13
3 Darunee Galbraith; 74 BANANAS; 209 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 73 BIGGUS DICKUS; 210 BILLION SUCKER; 28 BLACK DIAMOND; 18 FRODO; 329 FUCK THE TRUTH; 68 HAWKEYE; 74 RASPUTIN; 52 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE; 64 SLACK VAGINA; 40 TOSSA
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 6
8 LUCAN MADE ME CUM – Bangkok Hash, Thailand
4 FLATULENCE – Hobart Hash & H, Australia
1 SISTER SLUDGE – Lusaka Hash, Zambia
1 TITUS – Lusaka Hash, Zambia
1 Hana Seslar – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 WHIP ME HOUSTON – Unknown Hash
Virgins – 4
Leavers – 3
Anniversaries – 4
SQUEEZE MY TUBE was congratulated on completing her 450th Run.
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER was congratulated on completing his 200th Run.
ARSE VAN HOLE was congratulated on completing his 50th Run.
SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE was awarded her 50th Run T-Shirt.
Hash Name Events – 1
Alicia Ward was given the New Hash Name THE PROFILER.
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~