Scribe Report by No More Cum
Today was our annual St. Patrick’s Day R*n and the hares were KEE MAH, WANK-KING’S WANKER, MENTAL and MENSTRUAL from the DISORDER family. The wonderful location was at the side of the lake near Buddha Mountain.
The r*n was clearly papered and and took in some enjoyable scenery.
On completion of the r*n, 102 hashers were welcomed back with the usual snacks augmented by portions of pea and ham stew served up with rice and bread. The majority, with well-honed lifelong tendencies towards strong liquor, were equally elated by the inclusion of shots of Jamesons to help settle their digestion. That wasn’t all they had to smile about. A free commemorative shirt was also theirs to take away. This would have been an added bonus to those whose wardrobes can only boast shirts of an orange hue.
The theme was St Patrick and the colours were those of the Irish tricolor, predominantly green and the hares wore the now familiar hats to celebrate the day. The pre-raffle of a bottle of Jameson’s was won by the ever popular Raffle Master SIR FREE WILLY with ticket 89.
Once SCAR W/2T’S had dealt with the hares, we were entertained by SIR FREE WILLY, who thought the circle had developed an interest in Rugby and proceeded to bore us all about how both English male and female teams had obliterated Scotland at the said sport. BURL IVES sat down to endure the best SFW could offer in the form of mockery before we finally moved on to his real raison d’etre, the Raffle.
Prizes were scooped up by the following lucky winners: ULI’S GOOLIES, ODD-JOB, POLE FUCKER, HARBOUR WHORE, BLUE NOSE, GIGGLE TITS, MAYO QUEEN, TESTICLES and GROUCHO MARX. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER was talking to me, so I might have missed one.
It was now the GM’s turn to ice the hashers with birthdays this week. GADDAFI’S BRIDE sat down together with CRAPPER, while their girls proceeded to make pretend cakes on their heads, consisting of flour, eggs and chocolate sauce – lovely.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD sat the hares down in the traditional manner and, amongst other things, made reference to KEE MAH buying a 10 wheel dump truck for his ex-missus. What happened to the water buffalos of by-gone decades? It also transpired that the food, thought to have been prepared by female hands, was in fact courtesy of BAM BAM, a face we haven’t seen on the PH3 for quite a while.
Then NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER sat down with his prize bear, we learnt about his tendency to fritter away vast sums on whores and his recent attempts to cultivate meaningful relationships. His desire to follow this route seemed to have been blunted somewhat by a hefty 75,000 Baht bill to have his car fixed after one girl crashed it. A final resort to electronic dating left him with a 5,000 Baht bill for dinner and with the inclination to return to his former ways.
The EMPEROR then sat down BILLION SUCKER and LINEAR ACCELERATOR, looking like Stevie Wonder in dark glasses. It is night time, by the way. BILLION SUCKER, in his exuberance to prove how alcohol turns him into John Travolta, has reportedly twirled one of the TQ dancers into the pole at the end of the stage, nearly knocking her out. On the same theme, the reason for LA’s dark glasses now comes to light. Having developed a Bangkok habit of late, he has somehow managed to upset customers in an Irish bar there and received 2 black eyes for his troubles. I think that the perpetrators must have had small fists, in order to inflict such injuries, without hitting his nose.
A virgin called Hubert has now passed out from the Belgian Hash Training Camp and swelled the numbers on the PH3 from this strange place still further.
It was now WANK-KING’S WANKER’s turn to exercise his steely grip on the circle and thrust commemorative shirts into the hands of grateful recipients. BULL TRACK received a 50 Run version, while RUBBER DICK is close behind myself with a 200 Run Shirt. A 50 Run anniversary was shared between IM LAO and FINGERLESS.
The hares relied on TAMPAX to provide his version of “The Wild Rover”, which was familiar to most of the circle and warmly received. TAMPAX unknowingly had the 3 Degrees in the form of TELLY TUBBY, LOST CAUSE and TOM BOY to back him.
The circle was once again honoured by the presence of LORD CHICKEN FUCKER, who sat down MENTAL DISORDER, SCAR W/2T’S and WANK-KING’S WANKER and accused them of being brainless due to their reliance on clipboards. After delivering his version of the Bob Dylan classic “It Ain’t Me Babe”, he then proceeded to wander about with a clipboard of his own, bemoaning the recent demise of his side Millwall at the hands of the football elite that is Tottenham Hotspur.
SCAR W/2T’S finally got to grips with sloppy elements in the circle and iced both sitters and trouble-makers in general. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER was introduced to his grey-haired female fan club. It was difficult to tell whether these were the same hashers, who had thrown their large under-garments into the circle earlier, in a wild frenzy of unbridled delight at LCF’s appearance on our coveted stage.
Once REDCOAT had made his vocal offering about Belinda, her window and his sombrero, I drifted off into a world between life and death and can only remember a shocking image of BURL IVES and yet another song. After pulling myself together, I was able to “Swing Low” with everyone else.
I conclude finally with a big thank you to the hares for a fine day of hashing. A special thank you goes to KEE MAH, our resident philanthropist, who asked for no more than 5,000 Baht from the PH3 towards the costs of this event. Take your time and work his generosity out for yourself. Nicky’s Bar was well attended as usual and made us very welcome. I thanked Debbie personally and hope others take the time to show their appreciation to our hash bars.
On-On! No More Cum
Next week’s scribe is to be announced
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 102
Hashers Present Last Week – 71
4 Anna Maria Wilhemsen; 142 ANTIQUE; 11 ARSE BANDIT; 27 ARSE VAN HOLE; 71 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 597 BALL RINGER; ; 3 BEETROOT HEAD; 380 BELL END; 118 BEN 10; 207 BILLION SUCKER; 4 BOLLY WOOD; 104 BURL IVES; 108 CAMEL HUMPER; 24 CHICKEN DUNDEE; 102 CRAPPER; 100 DESERT SCORPION; 83 DIRT LOONEY; 510 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 168 FLYING FINN; 148 FUZZY LURE; 626 G.I. JOE; 12 GADDAFI’S BRIDE; 6 GADDAFI’S HUSBAND; 289 GANGREEN; 8 GIGGLE TITS; 93 GOLDEN RIVET; 20 GOOSEY GOOSEY GOBBLER; 10 GROUCHO MARX; 31 HARBOR WHORE; 125 HELIUM HEAD; 5 JACK WOW; 691 LADY FLIPPER; 334 LIBERACE; 125 LOST CAUSE; 64 LOVE BOAT; 11 LOVELY LADY; 19 MAYO QUEEN; 153 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 179 MENTAL DISORDER; 102 MISS USE ME; 10 MR GIGGLE SHIT; 739 MRS. HEAD; 180 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 87 NEXT WEEK; 207 NO MORE CUM; 397 ODD-JOB; 351 PELER; 44 PHANTOM; 24 PINK DOLPHIN; 65 POCKET SOCKET; 80 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 38 RAT VON KIEL; 9 REAL OLD; 252 SCAR W/2TS; 686 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 713 SIR FREE WILLY; 875 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 24 SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY; 130 SPECIAL PRICE; 13 SPLINTER DICK; 434 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 48 TELLY TUBBY; 35 THE WIZARD; 219 TOM BOY; 193 TWO TIME; 19 ULI’S GOOLIES; 46 UNSTABLE LOAD; 362 VELCRO DICK; 805 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 323 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 23 WHORE IN THE WINDOW
Returners – 28
3 Laslo Banfai; 2 Andy Douglas; 2 Jan Moeler; 2 Mark Penders; 66 BLUE NOSE; 5 BORING PRICK; 53 BULLTRACK; 260 CRACK MY COCCYX; 314 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1390 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 50 FINGERLESS; 294 GERMAN SHEPHERD; 50 IM LAO; 192 JACKAL; 233 KEE MAH; 139 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 1077 LORD CHICKEN FUCKER; 95 MINELESS CUNT; 70 MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY; 40 POLE FUCKER; 372 RAMBO WW2; 312 RAMBOWLING; 164 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 175 REDCOAT; 201 RUBBER DICK; 221 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 431 TAMPAX; 72 TESTICLES
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 2
4 LUCAN MADE ME CUM – Bangkok Hash, Thailand
3 ETOOFALI – Kampala H3, Uganda
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – 5
RUBBER DICK was awarded his 200th Run T-Shirt.
BULLTRACK was awarded his 50th Run T-Shirt.
DESERT SCORPION was congratulated on completing her 100th Run.
FINGERLESS was congratulated on completing his 50th Run.
IM LAO was congratulated on completing her 50th Run.
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~