Scribe Report by The Wizard
‘Be not afraid of the scribe and some have the scribe thrust upon them’….. Some of which explains how I got to sit through the circle again and also links up with last week’s report which somehow related to Shakespeare’s ‘The Twelfth Night’. I think I studied classical English at school but am not afraid to admit I must have dozed off when it came to Shakespeare. Well, nothing will become of nothing if we don’t move on with the nuts and bolts of the report.
Once again following the recent trend, over 100 runners assembled for this, the New Years Run with the A-Site thankfully one of the more local locations. The hares, BLACK HOLE and DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES promised us a very easy run and an even easier walk and it was with this in mind that we set off, walkers to the left and runners to the right.
However it was only minutes before the run was thrown into confusion by the strategic positioning of the first check which ultimately saw the runners returning to within metres of the A-Site before picking up the paper again. This set the tone for the rest of the run with several ‘challenging’ checks, elongated gaps between paper and several checks not being noticed due to the use of white painted sticks which only the more observant noticed lying as they were often on light coloured sand. ‘Paper, paper, my kingdom for some paper’ was heard from the FRB‘s as they vainly tried to stay on the trail.
Nonetheless everyone did make it back to the A-Site with no serious mishaps although the general consensus was that the run was a little on the short side. Any grumblings were quickly forgotten with the serving of some tasty pasta generously provided by the hares. With food, drinks and a pleasant sunset everyone was as merry as the day is long.
The circle was called at 18.20 and the hares were first on the ice, their efforts being recognised by the evening’s first down down. In the absence (for the second week) of SIR FREE WILLY the Raffle was conducted by BURL IVES who was joined in the circle by lucky winners ULI’S GOOLIES, IM LAO, PHONEY CUNT, DIRT LOONEY, UNSTABLE LOAD, GASBAG, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER, CUM YAK YAK and BLACK HOLE (who collected a prize on behalf of EMPEROR AIRHEAD). Being a winner this week put a temporary halt to the whining of GASBAG of a ‘fixed’ draw for which he is becoming rightly infamous…. Off with his head!!
EMPEROR AIRHEAD subsequently took the circle and recalled the hares who were gently chided for the use of unapproved colours on their signs directing us all to the A-Site. Also questioned was the use of pink coloured paper on the trail…..it didn’t take much pressure for BLACK HOLE to absolve herself of responsibility putting the blame firmly at the feet of her co hare…. the course of true love never did run smooth.
Paul, a fairly new runner from Norway was summoned to the ice in order to be christened. He revealed nothing very exciting about his existence prior to Hash and choosing a name both suitably appropriate, amusing and embarrassing was proving tricky until the call of ‘Who cares‘ came from the depths of the crowd. Job done. Another christening took place, with rather less ceremony, that of a junior runner Jeremy who due to his penchant for computer games was anointed COMPUTER GEEK.
A virgin called Ken was introduced and with him not having a sponsor of his own was summarily adopted for the day by ANTIQUE who, it was agreed just likes being in the limelight….. but not as much as WEE MOANING WEASEL who was bucketed for continually chatting through the ceremony.
WANK-KING’S WANKER took the circle next but with no awards to deliver was mercifully drawn back into the shadows (men of few words are the best men) almost immediately handing over the circle to the GM who called LONE WOLF, PHANTOM and CUM YAK YAK to the ice to relate a story about a meal the four of them shared in a Japanese restaurant which seemed to result in LONE WOLF being the only one who actually ate anything at all. Next up were STOOL MOVER, BOB-A-GOB and BOB SNOT HERE for another anecdote which recounted BOB SNOT HERE being abandoned in a pub by the other two who celebrated New Year elsewhere and then posted pictures of their revellery on Facebook. What fools these mortals be! Well deserved icing in my book!!
SCAR W\2T’S called GANGREEN and MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS IM GAY into the circle having earlier spied them sharing a moment of tenderness which involved a shoulder rub… could this be a developing bromance? Also called in was STOOL MOVER to respond to the charge that he was in Boyztown on NYE; naturally he vigorously denied this but maybe he protest too much me thinks?
The next phase of the circle was somewhat muddled to me as the theme bounced from religion to romance and back to religion repeatedly with the appearance and disappearance of the moon. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER was in ‘control’ at this point and interrupted his own ramblings with occasional shouts of Hallelujah. I believe he may have been influenced by the presence of Venus in the night sky close to the moon but for my own part it was Greek to me.
LORD CF did, with some degree of irony, call PENELOPE PITSTOP to the ice apparently for overacting… when she revealed skin for the ice several interested parties scuttled around to a position behind her to report to the masses on her underwear which was pink and brown. No further comment. Whilst struggling to remember PPs name LORD CF was ordered to the ice to sit alongside PP who immediately took advantage of the situation to flirt outrageously with him. On PPs departure from the ice, MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY gave credence to his name by rushing forward to lick the ice where PPs bare buttocks (and other anatomical parts) had been. Replaying this incident for the benefit of Hash Flash was no trouble for MGKIG who was fortunate not to have his tongue stuck to the ice.
Further visitors the ice were FLYING FINN, SKIING FINN and HELIUM HEAD on the basis they all looked like they wouldn’t be around much longer. A quick vox pop failed to indicate who was favourite to shuffle this mortal coil first and business moved on to the activities of three Scotsmen for Hogmanay which revealed few surprises.
GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER was invited to take the circle and wasted no time in icing his two mates, DIRT LOONEY and SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, I’m not sure why but in my minds eye there’s no point having power if you can’t abuse it eh? PP was also returned to the ice for either not recognising or not being recognised by SRSB at the bus pick up point at Tesco earlier in the day.
Hash Trash awards were given to DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES and GKW for losing a tin of red spray paint (which helps explain the white painted sticks at checks) and sunglasses respectively whilst on trail. And for once the hares were called on to sing a song and actually did so, though describing the backing choir consisting of MENTAL DISORDER, SCAR and GKW adorned with party hats, furnished with microscopic song sheets and the 2 hares making a noise as singing is pushing the boundaries of journalistic licence even for these forum where truth never gets in the way of a good story. During the rendition, degeneration of the circle began with silly string and party poppers going off everywhere…… I’ll get you next time COMPUTER GEEK! It was a very midsummer kind of madness.
A quick burst of Auld Lang Syne followed by the Hash Hymn concluded proceedings for the A-Site…. apart from those good enough to do a bit of clearing up of course. The convoy quickly headed off to the Blue Heeler’s bar where as usual there was a warm welcome and lots of really tasty food laid on for the 30 or so boisterous hashers who carried on having a really good evening. We have seen better days….. but not many.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
On-On! The Wizard
Next week’s scribe is Mental Disorder
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 103
Hashers Present Last Week – 76
2 Somvaen Jaipun; 10 Alan Taylor; 5 Supatra Thuekratok; 140 ANTIQUE; 40 APPLE CIDER; 98 APPLE SAUCE; 117 APPLE TREE; 587 BALL RINGER; 66 BANANAS; 370 BELL END; 108 BEN 10; 28 BOB SNOT HERE; 22 BOW TIE; 94 BURL IVES; 5 COMPUTER GEEK; 95 CRAPPER; 73 DEL BOY; 73 DIRT LOONEY; 305 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 502 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 1383 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 158 FLYING FINN; 279 GANGREEN; 12 GASBAG; 753 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 13 GOOSEY GOOSEY GOBBLER; 21 HARBOR WHORE; 117 HELIUM HEAD; 49 IM LAO; 4 JUPILER QUEEN; 227 KEE MAH; 124 KNOB MARLEY; 327 LIBERACE; 420 LONE WOLF; 1076 LORD CHICKEN FUCKER; 192 MARATHON MAN; 9 MAYO QUEEN; 143 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 169 MENTAL DISORDER; 92 MISS USE ME; 731 MRS. HEAD; 69 MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY; 171 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 389 ODD-JOB; 115 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 342 PELER; 9 PENELOPE PITSTOP; 37 PHANTOM; 55 PHONEY CUNT; 14 PINK DOLPHIN; 58 POCKET SOCKET; 71 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 28 RAT VON KIEL; 160 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 218 ROBBING BASTARD; 103 SCARLET PIMPERNEL; 232 SCRUMPY; 676 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 707 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 867 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 220 SKIING FINN; 122 SPECIAL PRICE; 394 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 423 TAMPAX; 25 THE WIZARD; 19 TOSSA; 9 ULI’S GOOLIES; 37 UNSTABLE LOAD; 352 VELCRO DICK; 798 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 313 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 109 WEE MOANING WEASEL; 31 WHINGER; 14 WHO CARES; 15 WHORE IN THE WINDOW; 13 WINDOW WANKER
Returners – 20
2 Patrick Becu; 2 Mint Becu; 6 Id Malthe; 134 BLACK HOLE; 44 CIA; 60 CUM YAK YAK; 104 DIRTY HARRY; 82 DIRTY PUSSY; 288 GERMAN SHEPHERD; 3 GIGGLE TITS; 5 HARRY’S PINK CAMEL; 49 KOSOVO CUTIE; 55 LOVE BOAT; 251 MISS CHIVAS; 198 NO MORE CUM; 38 POL DANCER; 32 POLE FUCKER; 243 SCAR W/2TS; 31 STOOL MOVER; 209 TOM BOY
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 5
21 BOB-A-GOB – Mefeking Hash
19 JUNGLE PRINCESS – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
3 MR GIGGLE SHIT – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
3 VENOM – Puerto Galera Hash, Philippines
5 GADDAFI’S BRIDE – Unknown Hash
THE WIZARD having completed 25 runs with the PH3 is now a member.
Virgins – 2
Leavers – 2
MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY
Anniversaries – 0
~ none this week ~
Hash Name Events – 2
Jeremy Normanton was given the New Hash Name – COMPUTER GEEK.
Paal Espen Antonsen was given the New Hash Name – WHO CARES.
Saints and Sinners – 2
DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES – Hash Trash – Left empty spray paint can on the trail while haring.
GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER – Hash Trash – Littering the A-Site with his glasses case.
~ none this week ~