Scribe Report by Robbing Bastard
When it started raining this morning with no sign of letting up I felt certain our numbers would be down. Unfortunately I was right but the frail who could not face up to a little water missed an enjoyable day. 72 runners last week down by a third to 47 this week.
Now I was looking forward to renewing acquaintance with STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS a venerable Norgy hasher who was last seen on run 1696 doing an advanced jungle survival course covering living off the land under the able tutelage of CROCODILE. I know this hardy soul would not be put off by a little rain nor would he want to miss the opportunity showing after many years of trying he can now complete a run faster than I. I can only assume he is lost in the jungle somewhere demonstrating his survival skills. Please report any sightings of him.
The Brexit debate in England was especially notable for the poor quality of the arguments on both sides. The only informed comment I heard came from a politician I previously did not admire and with whom I felt I had little in common. John Major (for the benefit of non Brits an ex Tory prime minister) who likened putting our precious NHS in the hands of the leading Brexiteers to putting a pet hamster into a cage with a hungry python! If you are still reading this you may be wondering what this has to do with hashing. The answer is very little, but the analogy was too good to miss as it occurred to me that SIR FREE WILLY strikes at returning hashers in like fashion to the said python when looking for a Scribe, which is why I am writing this week and STEPTOE next. I was tempted to pass the comment off as my own but cannot, in all conscience be a plagiarist.
Back to the Hash. SIR KIDNEY WIPER called the first circle and warned the only virgin, sponsored by HARBOUR DICK from Lahore, not to get lost before asking the Hares GOLDEN RIVET, LOST CAUSE, CRAPPER and POCKET SOCKET to explain the run. We were accurately informed that the run was 6K and the walk would be considerably less, checks were red and that all other markings blue. I was immediately thrown into confusion by spotting a blue broken check. Was this left from a previous run or had the hares been less than truthful? You will see from the following notes that our astute GM for the day GKW reprimanded CRAPPER and GOLDEN RIVET for leaving all the work to their two co-hares. I can confirm his suspicions were right. In fact it is more than probable these two were hares only in name and not in deed. Shortly after the blue broken check they overtook me. It a well-known PH3 tradition that Hares are not allowed on the run. Their own behaviour indicating they were not the true hares.
Consequently any favourable comments in this account are directed at the harriettes only.
A sign of a good hare is that it keeps the Hash together. Not easily done when the FRBs have to be slowed down to my pace! I was amazed to find myself in the main body of the hash fifty minutes or more into the run. Well done hares! The reason for this was a very clever check near some open ground where I could see groups of hashers a long way off searching for the trail in all directions. BOW TIE and I decided to follow those going in the least well covered direction and were rewarded with a correct choice and were much nearer the front than usual. Forty five minutes into the run GI JOE and MARATHON MAN managed to catch me up when MM churlishly responded (to my friendly jibe) that running at the back was only shameful if it meant he was running behind me. Out of fairness to LOST CAUSE and POCKET SOCKET although because of the rain paper was mainly only the odd piece no bigger than a postage stamp there was ample evidence to the sharp sighted of a trail well laid. Maybe we usually make our checks too easy.
Runners will know that near some houses the paper trail disappeared completely. Again not the hares fault. A very pleasant Belgian living there who knows both VV and of hashing admitted, with apologies, that he had picked up the paper thinking it was rubbish. Now the Belgians are coming to Pattaya in increasing numbers perhaps VV could bring even more of them on the Hash so they understand our ways.
The inevitable happened and I finished the run last, not far behind two fast walking hashers whose names I cannot recall. Thanks for your good company lads.
Making scribe notes in the rain is about as effective as laying paper in the rain so some names and events are missing. SIR FW’s Raffle winners included THE WIZARD, VV, BANANAS and LIBERACE. GKW having joined the Beer Hunters and not having had the benefit of reading this informative scribe iced the Hares for providing a good run after which subsequent icings were almost exclusively for misdemeanors.
GANGREEN iced WANK-KING’S WANKER probably because he was feeling vindictive and HARBOUR DICK from Lahore for looking and acting too much like SUGAR DADDY. After that he selected SEAL SUCKER, BANANAS, TURD BURGLAR and your scribe ROBBING BASTARD simply because we had the sense visit 7-11 to shield ourselves from the rain. We were followed by VV and his fellow Belgians probably because of their nationality and then CRAPPER who was put in the bucket for failing to promptly provide a suitable down-down song. GG writes a very amusing scribe but should be more understanding for a less talented reporter doing his best in the cold and rain.
In comparison GKW selected his victims with good reason. WANK-KING’S WANKER was iced for drinking beer instead of notifying TQ Bar that we would be coming. GOLDEN RIVET and CRAPPER were very correctly iced for delegating too much responsibility to LOST CAUSE and POCKET SOCKET for not serving drinks and for providing them with poor quality staples for the hanging paper, thus leading to confusion on the run.
HARBOUR DICK was iced this time for failing to look after his virgin who apparently got lost on the run. SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD was a popular substitute for the missing wench and in that role aptly showed no enthusiasm to accompany the errant man again. However it was felt that suitable use of HARBOUR DICK‘s wallet might otherwise produce a different response from both RSB and the virgin in question should he feel so inclined. LIBERACE and GOLDEN RIVET were allowed to sit on ice so that they could affirm their pleasure in returning to the Pattaya Hash.
It seems that VV, aware that the huge fall in the value of the pound after the disastrous Brexit vote may reduce the number of Brits hashing in Thailand, has been canvassing future visitors from his own village to make up the deficit. These were iced from time to time throughout the evening but finally one was selected for a naming. I regret I cannot fathom the workings of the continental mind but if I heard correctly MENTAL SMURFMASTER was the end result.
Hare LOST CAUSE was awarded her 100 run shirt. Well done LC!
The evening ended musically with SIR RSB offering personalised down-down songs dedicated to BALL RINGER, SFW and TURD BURGLAR and an amusing ditty supplied at short notice for the Hares by STEPTOE.
Thanks again to the Hares for a run I thoroughly enjoyed and to GKW for staying sufficiently sober to MC in such fine form the final circle, despite the rain, which was hardly noticed.
On-On! Robbing Bastard
Next week’s scribe is Steptoe
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 47
Hashers Present Last Week – 39
2 Bertin Baillet; 2 Brice Baillet; 246 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 14 ARSE VAN HOLE; 572 BALL RINGER; 13 BOW TIE; 44 CASPAR; 81 CRAPPER; 62 DEL BOY; 295 DOESN’TOUCH THE SIDES; 37 FUNNY BUNNY; 605 G.I. JOE; 263 GANGREEN; 739 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 70 GOLDEN RIVET; 670 LADY FLIPPER; 102 LOST CAUSE; 178 MARATHON MAN; 3 MENTAL SMURFMASTER; 719 MRS. HEAD; 119 POCAHONTAS; 45 POCKET SOCKET; 13 RAT VON KIEL; 207 ROBBING BASTARD; 144 RUNNING BARE; 213 SEAL SUCKER; 661 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 692 SIR FREE WILLY; 692 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 855 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 56 SLACK VAGINA; 69 SPERM POLLUTER; 29 TELLY TUBBY; 11 THE WIZARD; 197 TURD BURGLAR; 173 TWO TIME; 785 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 11 VIOS; 297 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 6
60 BANANAS; 194 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 61 IRREGULAR PERIOD; 179 JACKAL; 312 LIBERACE; 178 STEPTOE
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 1
1 HARBOUR DICK – Lahore Hash, Pakistan
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – 2
LOST CAUSE was awarded her 100th Run T-Shirt.
SLACK VAGINA was awarded his 50th Run Mug.
Hash Name Events – 0
Bernard Baillet was given the New Hash Name MENTAL SMURFMASTER.
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~