Scribe Report by General Kidney Wiper
Well thank God Monday is over. But for me, not for obvious reasons. As I was scribe, I stayed to the very end of circle, to make sure I got everything of note.
When I arrived back at my house there was a car parked opposite, so I could not reverse into my driveway. I asked my neighbour if she could get the driver of the car to move. He did, but was angry. Not enough room, so I asked if he could move more. He went mental, came into my driveway and proceeded to get stuck into me, forcing me over the bonnet of my car.
Called the police, but no answer. I think if it happens again I would have a better outcome if I called The Beer Police. Anyway, enough of my drama.
Run 1690 was the long awaited and eagerly anticipated Aussie Run. As expected a good crowd turned up to participate in this annual event. MENTAL DISORDER, our GM dealt with new shoes etc., and then the hares KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR, PISS POORER, GAS MAN, LONE WOLF and PHANTOM told us about the run and we were off.
As usual I went along with the motley crew known as the Beer Hunters, and after a pleasant stroll, we reached a Boutique Bush Bar. I say boutique, because this seems to be the favourite adjective in Thailand. (Bangkok Airways, Asia’s Boutique Airline, whatever that is supposed to mean, I don’t know.)
This time we did not discuss or solve the problems of the world, but the conversation revolved around the fact that WANK-KING’S WANKER looked shittier than normal.
Half way through our Changs and Leos, we were joined by LORD CHICKEN FUCKER, MASTER BATES and DOG LICKS ITS DICK with which the average height of our group just went up by two feet. This was noticeable as there were corrugated shutters to close up the bar, which we were all oblivious to, as we were able to walk underneath. But these guys could have been boiled eggs with the tops lopped off.
We wandered back to the circle and it was obvious all the runners and walkers were back. I believe the run was not too long, as it is the first time I have not seen GI JOE lathered in sweat.
What was noticeable was there were many splinter groups with their own assortment of food. I latched onto REAR GUNNER’s and SPERM POLLUTER’s smorgasbord and as SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD was taking a fig out of the jar, some wag retorted, “That’s not a fig, it’s a faggot.”
After a decent cooling down period our GM started the second circle. Hares on the ice. Some of the Iron Men thought the run was short, but general consensus gave it thumbs up.
SIR FREE WILLY started the Raffle and dispensed prizes to all and sundry. Many prizes this week. I started writing down the winners names, but there were just too many to keep up. What I do know is, I was not one of them.
The Hares then explained the concept of the new Aussie Run T-Shirt -The Bogan Run. (The term bogan (/’bo?g?n/) is an Australian and New Zealand slang word used to describe a person of lower working-class background, whose speech, clothing, attitude and behaviour exemplify values and behavior considered unrefined or unsophisticated, similar to a chav.)
So to physically demonstrate a Bogan to us, the hares sat MENTAL DISORDER (wants to pick fights – maybe I should introduce him to my neighbour) and ARSE-HOLEO (wears a mullet and only washes once a month) on ice.
Next on ice were HULK, RSB and GKW who were given free T-shirts, because the hares said they remembered they had said “Thanks” after last year’s run. A nice gesture on all sides.
Our GM then started on the Aussie virgins. Plenty of ice time for them as they were lectured on how to recognize a katoy. Seemingly it is easy. They are beautiful, over six feet and think all Aussies are “Handsome Man!”
EMPEROR AIRHEAD brought in the hares and we got to learn the background about the previous Aussie Run T-Shirts. There were too many for me to note, but is hoped they would keep going with this tradition.
RUBBER DICK and his lovely niece Anna brought in. Now at this stage, the notes do not make a lot of sense. “He painted her house and they had to pay for it. Bernie’s name was squid???”
One thing I do remember was the commemorative medal up for bidding. This was won by HULK with the proceeds going to the Jester Care for Kids. Well done all.
There was a small tsunami as JACKAL, GANGREEN, SIR FREE WILLY, RSB and GOLDEN RIVET were all iced.
PISS POORER then took over giving out more goodies to hashers wearing old Aussie Run T-Shirts.
WANK-KING’S WANKER then awarded BIGGUS DICKUS his 50th Run T-shirt. When you consider his first run was number 907 and today’s run is 1690. So it has only taken him fifteen years. Here’s hoping you make your 100 runs.
SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD then brings in the Hares and explains how Rolf Harris is the Patron Saint of Australia. Many of Rolf’s song titles should have had red flags raised about his “persuasion.” But this never happened. The fact that he could play the didgeridoo and the wobble board also did not raise any eyebrows.
SRSB’s take on “Two Little Boys.”
“Two little lads, had Rolf Harris for a Dad,
So they pulled up their pants and ran.
They did not stop, till they reached the cop shop,
Cause Rolf Harris is a dirty old man!”
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER then gets in on the circle action, by which time I have lost it, but good to see him in such fine fettle.
Hares on in and it was The Bogan Hash Song.
Well done hares. A good hash from you guys as usual. I know a lot more happened but as usual the Alka-seltzers Disease and the Chang have destroyed more than a few brain cells.
It was Hash Hymn then it was off to The Boomerang Guest House for Happy Hour. I did not make it, but I am sure they looked after us well like they usually do. Thanks to them.
On-On! General Kidney Wiper
Next week’s scribe is The Wizard
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 66
Hashers Present Last Week – 35
5 Sunisa Guiney; 240 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 566 BALL RINGER; 51 BIGGUS DICKUS; 18 BOB SNOT HERE; 77 BURL IVES; 75 CRAPPER; 1364 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 599 G.I. JOE; 257 GANGREEN; 732 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 46 HAWKEYE; 663 LADY FLIPPER; 308 LIBERACE; 401 LONE WOLF; 131 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 154 MENTAL DISORDER; 75 MISS USE ME; 713 MRS. HEAD; 153 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 59 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 243 REAR GUNNER; 186 RUBBER DICK; 654 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 685 SIR FREE WILLY; 685 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 849 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 20 SLUG; 6 SQUEAK; 381 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 486 TADPOLE; 24 TELLY TUBBY; 4 THE WIZARD; 19 UNSTABLE LOAD; 290 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 23
8 Chanaradee Tasan; 254 ANAL BREADFRUIT; 286 ARSE-HOLEO; 354 BELL END; 92 BEN 10; 40 CASPAR; 133 CROCODILE; 218 DOG LICKS ITS DICK; 34 GAS MAN; 63 GOLDEN RIVET; 117 HULK; 179 JACKAL; 119 KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR; 1073 LORD CHICKEN FUCKER; 95 LOST CAUSE; 588 MASTER BATES; 9 NOK NIGH; 21 PHANTOM; 64 PISS POORER; 77 SLEEPING BEAUTY; 9 SNOW QUEEN; 65 SPERM POLLUTER; 77 SUZY WONG
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 3
15 BLACK DIAMOND – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
18 MR POTATO HEAD – South of Perth Hash, Australia
1 LIKES IT DOWN UNDER – Yangon Hash, Burma
Virgins – 5
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – 1
BIGGUS DICKUS was awarded his 50th Run T-Shirt.
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~