Scribe Report by Sperm Polluter
Arrived at the A-Site, what a beautiful place adjacent to the lake, picturesque and a lovely breeze.
GM calls circle up and announced Nicky’s Bar as the On On bar. GM informed everyone that VV is collecting ring pulls from the beer cans for a good cause involving wheelchairs.
So today’s Hares are VV, TAMPAX and TWO TIME, 3 experienced hares so you know it’s going to be a good run. Before we set off the 2 virgins are called into the circle, 1 from England and 1 from Germany, the GM explained the process and told them not to get lost, “Don’t follow Robbing Bastard”.
So off everyone goes, including the Beer Hunters who disappeared on the back of a baht bus in search of the nearest establishment selling anything alcoholic. Due to copious amounts of alcohol still coursing through my system and the heat, I decided to give the run a miss, unusual I know but needs must.
However this gave me the opportunity to sit with the esteemed group of gentlemen AIRHEAD, GANGREEN, NNR, LINEAR ACCELERATOR and SUPERVIRGIN. And what an enlightening experience it was. The conversation varied from, sex, money, lasagna and even a new country and western song “I’ve Got a Pig Valve in My Heart”
So the runners returned, the walkers returned and the beer hunters came back with a head start on everyone else. GI JOE, ever the over achiever informed he had 7.8k, he had to do some checking for a change because I didn’t run.
Everyone is tucking into VV‘s delicious BBQ, and the GM gets everyone to circle up.
VV is called in by EMPEROR AIRHEAD to wish him Happy Birthday, this is done in the form of Thailand’s Got Talent deadly duo, “The Bunglers” made up of TAMPAX and his dad, LINEAR ACCELERATOR.
Time for the famous Raffle conducted by SIR FREE WILLY, some great prizes on offer including a rice cooker and a sexy pink nighty. And the winners are EMPEROR AIRHEAD (who declined the rice cooker), MANGO MUNCHER, DEL BOY, GI JOE, LINEAR ACCELERATOR, SQUEEZE MY TUBE.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD “hares have a seat”, after some interrogation it turns out that VV cooks for TWO TIME, and possibly TAMPAX (or so he says) maybe a French saying for this arrangement, I’ll leave it up to you to decide. So with VV left alone on the ice he receives a couple of gifts, the first one being some tea from South America (I think) and the other a barrel of wine.
The GM takes over with VV still on the ice and proceeds to bring in some distinguished guests, a Nazi General who had know young VV since he was born back in 1961, a mentions German salami for some strange reason and also some crazy friend who had ridden a motorcycle through a circle of flame in the circle, (strange but true).
So The Bunglers give us their rendition of Hashy Birthday F**k you, VV gets a wish, and EMPEROR AIRHEAD is disappointed because SIR FREE WILLY didn’t disappear.
Time for the awards, GOLDEN RIVET 50 Runs, SHIT ON MY SHIRT 50 Runs, MASTER CHEF 50 Runs and PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER 300 Runs (I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation for that last hash name).
So now it’s time to name one of the Philippines lady hashers, MANGO MUNCHER brings her friend into the circle and promptly ices her, (no skin, unfortunately). Then after some breast groping and discussing how her breasts were larger than hers because they bounce up and down when she runs, she gets named 36B by the GM. (Great choice by the way).
The Philippines ladies immediately take the circle and ice the GM, put CRAPPER in the bucket and someone else on the ice who’s name escapes me (apologies), and because it was CRAPPER‘s birthday they proceed to give them a Philippines chocolate birthday cake, which turns out to be a messy affair but all taken in the good spirit of the hash.
SIR WANDA returns to the fold and takes the circle, he ices GANGREEN because he doesn’t know where is hash name came from even though he met him in Phuket many years ago, (Gordon Green, maybe there’s a clue there somewhere).
Next it’s ANFI‘s turn because it’s a great name because he really does have ABSOLUTELY NO F**CKING IDEA. SIR WANDA goes on to inform everyone that he was the Guvnor of a few pubs and his last exploits was a mobile bar in Berlin, a small town somewhere in Germany. Apparently they had a great time there with GI JOE, SCAR W/2T’s, STUPID KRAUT K**T and a bunch of other reprobates.
The Bunglers entertain us again with “Brown Eyed Girl” which I thought was good, for what it’s worth.
SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD takes the circle and ices MARCUS SKIDDUS, DEL BOY, STOOL MOVER, MENSTRUAL DISORDER and LOST CAUSE, he sings them all off the ice individually, which was quite brilliant I thought.
It’s dragging on so I’ll finish off because it’s 2am in Sihanoukville while I’m composing this and hoping it’s an accurate account of proceedings.
Something to do with the Beer Hunters being called the Queer Hunters, (don’t knock it until you’ve tried eh, SCAR).
SCAR has the circle and ices DEL BOY and SEAL SUCKER, if SEAL SUCKER wants to be an FRB he shouldn’t buy cheap shoes, then he might be able to catch DEL BOY. TESTICLES and SQUEEZE MY TUBE (Granddaughter) are iced, say no more, I could be locked up for my thoughts.
On On – All in jest and the spirit of the Hash.
On-On! Sperm Polluter
Next week’s scribe is Marathon Man
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 79
Hashers Present Last Week – 67
3 Marc Ceuppens; 4 Poul Jensen; 3 Linn Malthe; 8 Thawanrat Paowana; 8 Theerapat Paowana; 3 Reggy Van hove; 222 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 4 36B; 182 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 42 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 549 BALL RINGER; 340 BELL END; 78 BEN 10; 10 BOW TIE; 64 BURL IVES; 33 CASPAR; 58 CRAPPER; 120 CROCODILE; 47 DEL BOY; 279 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1346 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 145 FLYING FINN; 582 G.I. JOE; 240 GANGREEN; 50 GOLDEN RIVET; 112 HELIUM HEAD; 172 JACKAL; 62 JINGLE BALLS; 12 JUNGLE PRINCESS; 645 LADY FLIPPER; 31 LADY SNAKE; 291 LIBERACE; 112 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 390 LONE WOLF; 82 LOST CAUSE; 41 LOVE BOAT; 18 MANGO MUNCHER; 165 MARATHON MAN; 118 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 138 MENTAL DISORDER; 61 MISS USE ME; 696 MRS. HEAD; 137 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 373 ODD-JOB; 26 POCKET SOCKET; 45 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 204 ROBBING BASTARD; 233 SCAR W/2TS; 197 SEAL SUCKER; 84 SIMONE EBOLA; 637 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 667 SIR FREE WILLY; 667 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 832 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 43 SIR WANDA; 117 SPECIAL PRICE; 58 SPERM POLLUTER; 398 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 367 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 59 STREET CLEANER; 211 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 469 TADPOLE; 401 TAMPAX; 157 TWO TIME; 344 VELCRO DICK; 766 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 273 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 8
51 BANANAS; 41 CIA; 51 MASTER CHEF; 77 NEXT WEEK; 302 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 50 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 27 STOOL MOVER; 58 TESTICLES
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 2
4 MARCUS SKIDDUS – Dublin Hash, Ireland
2 CHARCOAL – Sunshine Coast Hash, Australia
Virgins – 2
Leavers – 2
Anniversaries – 4
PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER was awarded hsi 300th Run T-Shirt.
MASTER CHEF was awarded her 50th Run Mug.
GOLDEN RIVET was congratulated on completing his 50th Run.
SHIT ON MY SHIRT was congratulated on completing his 50th Run
Hash Name Events – 1
Maricel Maglasang was given the New Hash Name 36B.
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
Happy Birthday VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR – 19 March