Scribe Report by Burl Ives
How does one find the hash when you don’t go on the subsidised baht buses, well normally to ensure we get there we employ the Satnav:
I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a driver’s friend, it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I’ve had it all my life.
It’s better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive.
“It’s sixty miles an hour”, it says, “You’re doing sixty five”.
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake.
And tells me that it’s never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green.
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear.
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I’m sure no other driver has so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey’s pretty fraught.
So why don’t I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I’m properly fed.
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.
(Thanks Pam Ayres)
So we found the A-Site (or bucket as it is called in other hashes) and what a perfect A-Site it was.
After a few minutes the GM barked “Form an F-in- Circle” but no F was formed. Then the usual formalities of virgins, new shoes etc, (but no introduction of the visitors, strange that!)
Hares in (all 4 of them), markings described, and off we went. Elephant grass shiggy for the first km and then dirt paths all very well marked. After 2 km we saw the runners going off in the distance and we plodded on for another km until we saw the blue house and turned for home. 4 km covered and back to the bucket within 50 mins… perfect! 30 mins and a further 6 km later the runners came in and the festivities began.
The GM barked “Form an F-in- Circle” again, then FREE WILLY obliged with the Raffle, prizes won by GANGREEN, SCAR W/2T’S (SWTT), TADPOLE, FLIPPER et al.
SFW then went into romantic mode for the Valentine’s Day Run and asked all the Harriettes in to pick their Beau, who were given a rose and told to present it to their lady on bended knee and then to pass it over mouth to mouth. How romantic!
EMPEROR AIRHEAD then graced the circle with his presence (unlike last week when he disappeared) and did his usual patter of thanking the Hares for a good A-Site, HHH signs and an excellent trail (he must have a drone packed away with a camera, on his bike, from which he can see the run each week from the A-Site, amazing skill!) He then tried to rename SFW, but it was rejected by the circle. Finally he brought in 4 newcomers: 2 Norwegians, 1 Thai and 1 Flipper to be induced into the Hash.
MENTAL DISORDER announced the Awards, i.e. none and instead mentioned 2 Birthdays SWTT and his partner BELL STAR. The Bunglers then serenaded TADPOLE and 3 other ladies to the refrain of Michelle by P McCarthy.
GM then iced the Burapa Bike Week boys: SWTT, HELIUM HEAD, ANAL CHEESE and BAHT BUS GESTAPO, RSB was bucketed for talking. 2 health incidents were iced MAX for running into a bees nest despite being told not to, and BANANAS for upcountry pneumonia. SHEIK MEME was bucketed for talking.
SHEIK MEME took over and discussed talking in the circle, a normal thing in most hashes where the guy in the circle responds to witty comments from those in the circle, but not on Mondays, “my circle, I’m talking, you’re listening” and then iced GANGREEN for talking, to conform. Two Angeles Hash shirted Americans then performed a bum dance on the ice, much to everyone’s amusement.
SWTT then searched for no hash gear and found two victims: one USA returnee and 1 Thai “Wirgin”. USA guy bucketed for being too cheap to buy a shirt. KEE MAH then iced for talking to “wizitors”. MANGO MUNCHER iced for cutting off someone’s dick, followed by W-KW and GANGREEN for talking, God forbid (remember: “my circle, I’m talking, you’re listening”).
MENTAL DISORDER iced GM for being banned by Facebook, for obscene photos, then KEE MAH and W-KW for too many recces for the St Patrick’s Day Run next month. SWTT for “Little Ring” present to his partner, VV and TWO TIME for shoes falling apart after 16 years.
The Hares then invited STEPTOE to sing the Hares song “I’ll be your sweetheart“ to close the circle and then the “returnees” were asked in for a drink, but not introduced so I still don’t know their names!
Finally the English Rugby song, “Swing Low” was enacted and the circle closed on another good day’s Hash.
Thank you Hares for all your hard work, because without you there would be nothing!
On-On! Burl Ives
Next week’s scribe is Crapper
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 80
Hashers Present Last Week – 53
3 Raguar Johansen; 98 ANAL CHEESE; 544 BALL RINGER; 336 BELL END; 74 BEN 10; 138 BENGT POTATO; 30 BLUE SKY; 59 BURL IVES; 54 CRAPPER; ; 15 CROCODILE; 42 DEL BOY; 275 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1341 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 140 FLYING FINN; 29 FUNNY BUNNY; 128 FUZZY LURE; 578 G.I. JOE; 235 GANGREEN; 45 GOLDEN RIVET; 108 HELIUM HEAD; 640 LADY FLIPPER; 286 LIBERACE; 77 LOST CAUSE; 15 MANGO MUNCHER; 113 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 133 MENTAL DISORDER; 56 MISS USE ME; 691 MRS. HEAD; 132 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 74 Dirk Zulla NEXT WEEK; 183 NO MORE CUM; 370 ODD-JOB; 23 POCKET SOCKET; 41 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 228 SCAR W/2TS; 632 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 662 SIR FREE WILLY; 662 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 827 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 47 SLACK VAGINA; 113 SPECIAL PRICE; 394 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 174 STEPTOE; 362 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 464 TADPOLE; 396 TAMPAX; 16 TELLY TUBBY; 140 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 193 TURD BURGLAR; 152 TWO TIME; 339 VELCRO DICK; 761 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 268 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 16
8 Paal espen Antonsen; 2 Matthew Gauld; 2 Steve Griffin; 2 David Pilling; 48 BANANAS; 40 BEETROOT HEAD; 40 BULLTRACK; 219 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 154 GREYHOUND; 168 JACKAL; 110 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 101 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 33 POSTMAN LICKS TWICE; 199 SHEIK MEME; 66 SPANKINSTEIN; 27 SUGAR DADDY
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 6
1 Maricel Maglasang – Unknown Hash
1 Bill Coppola – Angeles City Hash, Philippines
8 LEFT BEHIND – Chiang Mai Hash, Thailand
9 BOB SNOT HERE – Nhatrain, Vietnam
2 Richard Folds – Puerto Galera Hash, Philippines
1 Mike Cronin – Unknown Hash
Virgins – 5
(Unknown first name) Martin
Leavers – 1
Anniversaries – 0
~ none this week ~
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
Happy Birthday SCAR W/2TS – February 25
Happy Birthday SPECIAL PRICE – February 28