Scribe Report by Turd Burglar (as told to Sir Free Willy)
Note: Apologies for late posting. Received Thursday but delayed due to a nasty case of that flu that’s going around – Webmaster
So there I was having a farewell drink with PUSSY FUCKER in Bangkok and lamenting the fact that this drink had made me miss last week’s hash when crash, bang, wallop the T.V. exploded with the news that the one, the only David Bowie had kicked the bucket.. Gone to meet his maker.. Gone to conduct the celestial choir invisible.. Definitely one of my Heroes.. How I would have loved to have been the scribe last week to be topical but My Pen Rai as I missed it.
So its Monday and I am on the PH3 surrounded by Oh! You Pretty Things in the form of six Hares no less in MENTAL DISORDER, MENSTRUAL DISORDER, REAR GUNNER, PINKABOO, and to ring the Ch Ch Changes PHONY C–T and WHINGER.. as the Boss of Me NO MORE CUM calls the first circle.. Everything explained for the Absolute Beginners and its a case of Let’s Dance as we head off to find the Starman waiting in the shiggy.
The Diamond Dogs, the Rebel Rebels and the Queen Bitch alike chase each other using Sound and Vision, over hill and dale in search for the holy grail.. Truly a Fantastic Voyage.
I come back to see Thursday’s Child/LADY SNAKE and China Girl/SUZY WONG prancing around wearing a huge pink bra with one cup on each head.. Apparently this was Raffle prize for later that was being abused by the Western Powers Axis.
Winding down time and time to chew the cud and discuss our Life on Mars.
Second circle called and NMC proves The Boys Keep Swinging by icing the Hares, Dirty Boys and Kooks, and as there are six Hares and we all know who they are so I am not going to keep writing all six names down.. The Hares shall suffice and it was agreed it was a good run at an often used A-Site, the Asian University.
Raffle time and The Gene Genie as well as The Man Who Stole the World, SIR FREE WILLY, oversees seven stonking prizes to the likes of MISS USE ME, HONEY BEAR, MR CHEAP, GANGREEN, MILKY WAY and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER.
‘Ground Control to Major Tom’, definitely not one of the The Young Americans, EMPEROR AIRHEAD ices The Hares followed by our very own V.V. to get one of the special AIRHEAD awards for service to the Hash finishing off with SHEIK MEME and ‘son’ to apparently discuss SMM‘s linear heritage.
LONE WOLF had no Sense of Doubt when he takes over to dish out this weeks awards Like a Rocket Man.. Two this week.. A 50 Run plate for MR CHEAP and 50 Runs achieved for CRAPPER.
The PH3‘s own V-2 Schnieder, HULK takes the circle to ice SFW & your very own scribe, TURD BURGLAR to prove or disprove who had brought the massive pink bra for the Raffle.. Whether someone will actually wear it or whether it will just turn Ashes to Ashes remains to be seen.
Most certainly not in Blue Jean, The Laughing Gnome, SHEIK MEME steps in in an attempt at Fame to ice once more The Hares just to keep the Boys Still Swinging.
Ziggy Stardust or as we know him, SCAR W2T‘s struts his stuff to ice the returner with no shirt and no I can’t remember his name as I Would Rather Be High but God Knows I am Good.
MENTAL DISORDER gives the treatment to SFW, the Space Oddity, GANGREEN, NMC and HULK to discuss the first mentioned purchasing chocolate coated chips and the effect it had on their respective waistlines. I know from experience sometimes sitting there you Feel So Lonely You Could Die.
Under Pressure none of the six Hares have a song for All The Madmen, which often these day’s is the Fashion, so it is down to Aladdin Sane in the form of Master of Music STEPTOE to come up with some Black Tie White Noise in an act of Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide.
Wild is the Wind so with Sorrow it is time to end another chapter of our Golden Years.
Last down down’s finished and the Hash Hymn sung before we Slip Away off to the T.Q. for happy hour, shadowed by our own Blackstar.
On-On! Turd Burglar
Next week’s scribe is Sir Free Willy
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 88
Hashers Present Last Week – 62
35 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 540 BALL RINGER; 37 BEETROOT HEAD; 332 BELL END; 70 BEN 10; 190 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; ; 5 BOW TIE; 56 BURL IVES; 87 CAMEL HUMPER; 253 CRACK MY COCCYX; 112 CROCODILE; 38 DEL BOY; 83 DESERT SCORPION; 1337 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 25 FUNNY BUNNY; 574 G.I. JOE; 231 GANGREEN; 285 GERMAN SHEPHERD; 41 GOLDEN RIVET; 104 HELIUM HEAD; 148 HONEY BEAR; 107 HULK; 636 LADY FLIPPER; 26 LADY SNAKE; 282 LIBERACE; 73 LOST CAUSE; 34 LOVE BOAT; 9 MENTAL TAMPAX; 12 MILKY WAY; 53 MISS USE ME; 687 MRS. HEAD; 179 NO MORE CUM; 98 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 314 PELER; 3 PENELOPE PITSTOP; 53 PHONEY CUNT; 299 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 153 PINKABOO; 104 POCAHONTAS; 32 POL DANCER; 38 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 237 REAR GUNNER; 198 ROBBING BASTARD; 127 RUNNING BARE; 224 SCAR W/2TS; 628 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 658 SIR FREE WILLY; 823 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 215 SKIING FINN; 43 SLACK VAGINA; 109 SPECIAL PRICE; 390 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 170 STEPTOE; 359 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 68 SUZY WONG; 137 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 148 TWO TIME; 337 VELCRO DICK; 757 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 264 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 29 WHINGER; 7 WINDOW WANKER
Returners – 20
46 BANANAS; 27 BLUE SKY; 50 CRAPPER; 136 FLYING FINN; 124 FUZZY LURE; 722 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 383 LONE WOLF; 109 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 129 MENTAL DISORDER; 51 MR CHEAP; 13 ONE EYED TROUSER SNAKE; 55 ONE MORE TIME; 19 PHANTOM; 94 SCARLET PIMPERNEL; 197 SHEIK MEME; 657 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 460 TADPOLE; 197 TRY-A-FUCK; 190 TURD BURGLAR; 167 UP THE BUTT
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 5
19 POCKET SOCKET Makiti H3, South Africa
3 Jeff Tucker – Mefeking Hash
2 Jesse Higgins – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
2 RUMPLED FORESKIN – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 TRAFALGAR – Unknown Hash
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 1
Anniversaries – 2
CRAPPER congratulated for completing his 50th Run
MR CHEAP was awarded his 50th Run Plate
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
Happy Birthday BALL RINGER – 20 January