Scribe Report by Two Time (as told to and greatly amplified by SIR FREE WILLY)
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” – Lord Buddha
“There is no fire like passion, there is no shark like hatred, there is no snare like folly, there is no torrent like greed.” – Lord Buddha
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. – Lord Buddha
Sawasdee Ka my fellow Hashers and welcome to the most holy run of the PH3 calendar, The Loy Krathong Run. In recent years the mismanagement have neglected our customs while prattling about “Respecting the Laws of Thailand” on the website home page.
A couple of sell-by floating krathongs and they seem to think they were going to heaven. Sorry but The Lord Buddha teaches us otherwise.
This year the hareraiser has made a special point of persuading five virgin hares, all of the female persuasion, to “kick-start” the Loy Krathong run.. LOST CAUSE, POCAHONTAS, LITTLE WHITE DOVE, MASTER CHEF and BLUE SKY doing the honours.
Of course an American, RUNNING BARE (husband and father of 2 of the hares – Editor), has to get involved, probably seeing himself as some sort of post Vietnam ‘adviser’ but we were assured the run was mainly the Thai girls work.
An often used A-Site at the end of a sandy isthmus, with plenty of water for later events, greets us as myself and my darling, faithful husband V.V. arrive to set up the all important beer truck.
A healthy 72 runners descend on the chosen venue many wearing traditional Thai costume for what promises to be a reawakening of the soul for some.
Acting GM SCAR W/2T’S calls the first circle and the runners eagerly listen to the hares telling us there are ten checks at least.
I know for a fact the hareraiser liaised as best he could with the hares to ensure no-one was barking into a mobile phone, in the vain hope of someone coming out to find them after dark, when they should be floating their krathongs and washing away the years sins.
Off traipse the motley and I sit down with samee no: 1 V.V. for a nice rest. He himself is often sick these days quite often needing penicillin injections but he assures me it is simply relapses of his Malaria.
With the sole male hare acting as Hash chaperon, the first of the runners come back quite early with DEL BOY leading the pack.. DEL BOY was running so fast you would have thought he was still trying to evade his Philippine girlfriend who is now in the bosom of her family probably doing something worthwhile with coconuts.
The other runners drip in slowly but surely and it was good to see no one was stuck out there. General word of mouth seems to be the run was a good one at just about the right length for the time of year not to say the occasion.
Everyone winds down in different ways. Some of the girls snack, some start to get into their krathong costumes, LIBERACE seems captivated by EBONY PRINCESS and I hear him talking about “Doing what God wants”.
Meanwhile my attention is drawn to LINEAR ACCELERATOR who is busy filling up a cooler with about 20 beers from the beer truck.
SFW goes wobbling over to ‘front him out’ I believe those cheeky Cockneys say.. When reminded of the rule, discussed, agreed and voted on at the last meeting and then advised to everyone concerning taking ONE beer at a time and opening it first, apparently LINEAR ACCELERATOR used the defense “Ah Yes,but I am one of AIRHEAD’s boys” and off he disappeared over the hill toward the hideout AIRHEAD Boy’s use on Hash days.
So Al Capone’s Chicago of 1928 has come to Pattaya.. If someone feels the need to ignore laws or common practices all they have to say is ” Rules do not concern me as I am one of AIRHEAD’s boys.!!!”.
Circle called and the hares are iced as is tradition and as I said already it was considered a good run.
LINEAR ACCELERATOR gets iced for the beer cooler incident and is reminded that all beers are to be ‘kegged’/opened prior taking away from the beer truck, all to howls of “Guilty,Guilty,Guilty,” from AIRHEAD himself as well as his assembled “Boys”.
Raffle time and lucky winners included SCAR, LADY SNAKE, LOST CAUSE, EBONY PRINCESS and LINEAR ACCELERATOR, who presumably turned over his booty to AIRHEAD by way of tribute.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle to ice the aforesaid hares and as stated the run was a success.
The Vietnamese say “We ignore the old ways at our peril” and so it was good to see after the mismanagement had laid on six h, specially arranged by the absent hare LADY FLIPPER, almost all of the girls, with their own as well as the supplied ones, wade in ankle deep at least to float the lighted krathongs.
For those of you who always wondered what floating the krathongs actually meant here is a brief explanation for the stupid farangs:
It is believed that by sending off these lanterns an individual can send one’s own sins and bad luck into the air. Usually before the lantern soars into the sky, an individual will pray that one’s own sins or bad luck will be transported on the lantern and floated away high into the sky. Sometimes an address is left inside. The purpose of this is when the lantern come back down to the ground, and individual can follow an address and seek for money from whomever wrote the address. Or even sometimes, the maker will put some money inside the lantern. The purpose of the hot air lantern is to worship and pay respect to the Phra Ged Kaew Ju La Manee. An old legend tells that during war, these lanterns were sent into enemy territory and exploded…..Thought appeals.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back to the circle and PUGSLEY gets iced for playing pattacake in the T.Q. in front of his much traveled girlfriend.
Stats time and WW briefly takes over to celebrate my darling, faithful and loyal samee V.V.’s 750 runs.
SCAR takes over and the two virgins brought today by BURL IVES are punished for not wearing shirts. BURL IVES himself gets the bucket treatment and when asked why he had not told his virgins about correct Hash dress protocol, his reply of “Why the fuck should I.?.” did not seem to fit into the occasions somehow.
STEPTOE takes the helm to tell us a story of a time when,while walking down soi 6 with a krathong to float out to sea, he was propositioned by 6579 young nubile girls all wanting to marry him.
TESTICLES and V.V. take their turn while STEPTOE tells how V.V. was telling anyone on the bus who would listen that in 20 years time no-one would speak English only French.. “The meek shall inherit the earth……..so long as the people with balls let them.!!!!”.
The hares are placed back on ice and out of the blue and with the greatest delight to SFW sing an impromptu version of “The Loy Krathong Song” which is taught to all Thai children from an early age.. The reason this pleased SFW so much was he had harangued SCAR all night for the girls to do it but SCAR considered none of them would remember how to sing.. Classic piece of impromptu hashing.
All six hares on in for a short if improvised Hash song
Returners and visitors honoured and the Hash Hymn strangled then it is off to Nicky’s Pub for the usual excellent happy hour.
A very good thanks to those with gumption, forethought, respect, planning and a sense of PH3 history.
On-On! Two Time (and of course, Sir Free Willy)
Next week’s scribe is Boy Named Sue.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 73
Hashers Present Last Week – 49
29 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 534 BALL RINGER; 32 BEETROOT HEAD; 23 BLUE SKY; 49 BURL IVES; 106 CROCODILE; 35 DEL BOY; 9 EBONY PRINCESS; 1330 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 18 FUNNY BUNNY; 123 FUZZY LURE; 567 G.I. JOE; 226 GANGREEN; 717 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 33 KAMOY KATOY; 20 LADY SNAKE; 275 LIBERACE; 104 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 67 LOST CAUSE; 6 MANGO MUNCHER; 47 MASTER CHEF; 6 MEKONG DELTA; 105 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 6 MENTAL TAMPAX; 46 MISUSE ME; 10 MR. BEAN; 123 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 91 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 307 PELER; 98 POCAHONTAS; 48 PUGSLY; 168 RUBBER DICK; 120 RUNNING BARE; 217 SCAR W/2TS; 46 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 621 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 651 SIR FREE WILLY; 651 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 36 SLACK VAGINA; 383 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 164 STEPTOE; 353 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 57 STREET CLEANER; 389 TAMPAX; 130 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 142 TWO TIME; 335 VELCRO DICK; 750 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 257 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 16
3 Werner Heinle; 2 Ken Malegowski; 185 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 15 BOY NAMED SUE; 8 FRODO; 320 FUCK THE TRUTH; 279 GERMAN SHEPHERD; 35 GOLDEN RIVET; 97 HELIUM HEAD; 74 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 681 MRS. HEAD; 33 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 817 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 102 SPECIAL PRICE; 55 TESTICLES; 195 TRY-A-FUCK
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 6
3 ESKIMO NELL – Bicester Hash, UK
25 SUGAR DADDY – Eket Hash, Nigeria
11 ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CLUELESS – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
2 NEMO – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
3 SQUEEZE MY NUTS – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 SCRATCH – Scilly Isles Hash
SUGAR DADDY having completed 25 Runs with PH3 is now a full member.
Virgins – 2
Leavers – 2
Anniversaries – 1
VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR was congratulated on completing his 750th Run.
Hash Name Events – 1
Noi Kunkanthang was given the New Hash Name – Nemo.
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
Happy Birthday TRY-A-FUCK – 6 December