Scribe Report by Fuzzy Lure
There was I waiting at the church ………. when SFW apprehended me to make me scribe for the second time of asking.
The last time I was scribe the emergency GM, one SEAMAN STAINS threatened to ban me if I did not co-operate.. He also threatened to ban me if I did not hare for the PH3 or follow him around throwing rose petals at his feet as HE was the GM and “don’t you forget it”…… Whatever happened to that self important little man I wonder… The Roman Empire lasted rather a long time, but not many of the Emperors did.!!!
To be fair SFW has been badgering me to scribe for three weeks now, that’s persuading me and not making me into a shaving brush you understand, so as Napoleon said to Josephine (Emperors again.!!!) “Tonight’s the night!”
I first had to ascertain why the run was called ‘Left Waiting at the Church’. It transpires that this run was to ‘celebrate’ the first Wedding Anniversary of MENTAL DISORDER and MENSTRUAL DISORDER aided by their role models HULK and SUZY WONG.
Unfortunately, as MENTAL DISORDER changes his mind more often than MENSTRUAL DISORDER changes her knickers, he has decamped to the Antipodes and left her ‘Waiting at the Church’….. Get It?
An often used A-Site at the front of the Asian University, with the ever present tree in the way and the ever present danger of ‘floating police patrols’ was the venue for the dual celebration, but more of the latter later.
Off into the wild blue (or green if you are colour blind) traipse the motley. I choose the runner’s run, simply because Je Suis En Canadien, mega hard, Dieppe, Mounties and all that, no never mess with the Canucks.!!!
The early short cutting bastards, in an attempt to get back to start boozing early, are met with the PH3 answer to the Berlin Wall…. MENSTRUAL DISORDER who SFW has delegated as Chief of Police and beer security for an hour…. What a uniform.!!!.. I am so jealous.
Slowly but surely the motley come back,all except ROBBING BASTARD who got lost three quarters of the way round and needed a lift form a friendly farmer. The assembled 87 duly wind down and 10 minutes early according to my time piece, the second circle starts.
The hares, MENSTRUAL DISORDER, HULK and SUZY WONG are iced as is tradition and the run is judged a good one.. Let’s face it people who is going to argue with HULK.???
I used to love the T.V. show The Incredible Hulk…. he got angry and then his face puffed up and turned green, his feet enlarged and his shoes fell off and his feet turned green, his chest expanded and his shirt ripped off to reveal his torso was green….. Did you ever notice his pants never fell off???????… Perhaps that’s why he turned green.!!!!!!
EMPEROR (Yes another one) AIRHEAD takes the circle to again ice the hares and share his philosophical thoughts for the day.
Possibly the earliest Hare Song ever, sees EMPEROR AIRHEAD iced while he is serenaded by the hares with 27 verses of some song which seemed to go on for ever.. The hares actually gave me a copy of it should I wish to publish it in my report but With Respect to the helpfulness, time and effort, it is just a few verses too long. Thanks for the effort anyway guys.
Incidentally as I recall EMPEROR AIRHEAD shares his birthday with his old mate CHARLIE MANSON, the rightfully elected GM (one vote in it on the night) from 2003.. Nice guy Charlie but he was forever threatening to kill people…. Whatever happened to him I wonder.?.. The Roman Empire lasted rather a long time,but not many of the Emperors did.!!!
W–NK-KING’S W–KER takes the circle for the awards to mark MR CHEAP‘s 50 runs.. CROCODILE gets her 100 run shirt while SFW & RSB cum together as they both have 650 runs today………. I wonder if either of them can ever remember the last time they actually ran.???.
SMM struts his stuff in the usual manner complete with the gargling mouth of beer, laying on the ground jiggling a.k.a. epileptic fit style, calling people Nigga and questioning peoples academic prowess.
For the second time this month SMM takes it upon himself to rename someone. MR CHEAP gets re-named after an American colloquialism “Cheaper than Dirt”… “He could have used the English softy version of “Cheaper than Chips” I suppose.. I have no idea if there is a Canadian equivalent as we do not do things cheap, so there.
Before I bang on about the repercussions of bestowing such an unsavoury name on the man I do have it on good authority the re-name was ‘written out” come the following morning by the mismanagement… So officially our Germanic pint pot is still known as MR CHEAP….. You have followed all this children haven’t you.?.
SCAR W/2T’S takes over to ice a gaggle of returners including an English husband and wife who first ran with us back in 1986….. They liked it so much they couldn’t wait to come back.
GM NO MORE CUM welcomes a few visitors and puts WKW, RUBBER DICK and others on ice to recant a dastardly tale of the webmaster getting pissed (Never let the truth get in the way of a good story) and crashing his bike into a Thai guy.. A fine of 6000 Baht was forthcoming to smooth things over apparently.
Hash Hymn strangled and it is off to the Boomerang Bar for another satisfying happy hour.
If I have left out your name…. I don’t give a f–k….. Je Suis En Candien… Comprende Vous?????
On-On! Fuzzy Lure
Next week’s scribe is Lady Flipper.
THE HARE’S POEM
Once a year we celebrate
With stupid hats and plastic plates
The fact that you were able to make
Another trip around the sun
And the whole clan gathers round
And gifts and laughter do abound
And we let out a joyful sound,
maybe we sing a stupid song
Now you’re one year older
Your life still isn’t over.
You did not accomplish much
But you didn’t die this year
We guess that’s good enough
So let’s drink to your fading health
And hope you don’t remind yourself
The chance of finding fame and wealth
Decrease with every year
Does it feel like you’re doing laps
And eating food and taking naps
And hoping that someday perhaps
Your life will hold some cheer.
What have you done that matters?
You’re starting to get fatter
It’s downhill from now on.
Try not to remind yourself
Your best years are all gone.
If Cryogenics were all free
Then you could live like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice
But instead your time is set
This is the only life you get
And though it hasn’t ended yet
Sometimes you wish it might.
You wish you had more money.
Your life’s so sad it’s funny.
How much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry now,
So, just cut the stupid cake
Happy Birthday, Tom, the one and only Emperor Airhead!
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 87
Hashers Present Last Week – 54
28 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 533 BALL RINGER; 32 BLACK JUSTICE; 85 CAMEL HUMPER; 44 CRAPPER; 105 CROCODILE; 81 DESERT SCORPION; 268 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1329 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 17 FUNNY BUNNY; 122 FUZZY LURE; 566 G.I. JOE; 225 GANGREEN; 716 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 103 HULK; 165 JACKAL; 49 JINGLE BALLS; 19 LADY SNAKE; 274 LIBERACE; 103 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 5 MANGO MUNCHER; 46 MASTER CHEF; 5 MEKONG DELTA; 104 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 5 MENTAL TAMPAX; 50 MR CHEAP; 122 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 173 NO MORE CUM; 90 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 306 PELER; 97 POCAHONTAS; 27 POLE FUCKER; 47 PUGSLY; 192 ROBBING BASTARD; 167 RUBBER DICK; 119 RUNNING BARE; 216 SCAR W/2TS; 194 SHEIK MEME; 45 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 620 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 650 SIR FREE WILLY; 650 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 35 SLACK VAGINA; 382 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 163 STEPTOE; 352 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 56 STREET CLEANER; 64 SUZY WONG; 388 TAMPAX; 129 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 141 TWO TIME; 334 VELCRO DICK; 749 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 256 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 15
2 John Robinson; 6 Laddawan Sappaso; 31 BEETROOT HEAD; 22 BLUE SKY; 39 BULLTRACK; 48 BURL IVES; 28 DEEP THROAT; 34 DEL BOY; 23 FOXY CLEOPATRA; 149 GREYHOUND; 32 KAMOY KATOY; 379 LONE WOLF; 66 LOST CAUSE; 45 MISUSE ME; 89 RABBIT SHOOTER
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 16
6 Mark Stoker – Dubai Hash, UAE
8 EBONY PRINCESS – Kampala H3, Uganda
1 WIZ – Lompok H3, Indonesia
3 BIG WIG – Maputo Hash
3 MAMA MIA – Maputo Hash
13 SLAP – Okinawa Hash, Japan
4 FIG JAM – Port Moresby Hash, Papua New Guinea
15 THREE DOGS – Port Moresby Hash, Papua New Guinea
3 Franz Brengartner – Subic Bay Hash, Philippines
12 SHIT ON MY FACE – Tokyo Hash, Japan
9 THE BLADDER BLOW – Tokyo Hash, Japan
8 SOCABEAT – Trinidad & Tobago H3
1 SLAP’S DAD – Unknown Hash
9 MR. BEAN – Vientiane Hash, Laos
1 AAHLOUETTE – Unknown Hash
1 LITTLE WHITE BUS – Unknown Hash
Virgins – 2
Leavers – 3
Anniversaries – 4
SIR FREE WILLY was congratulated on completing his 650th Run.
SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD was congratulated on completing his 650th Run.
CROCODILE was awarded her 100th Run T-Shirt.
MR CHEAP was congratulated on completing his 50th Run.
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
Happy Birthday LONE WOLF – 24th Nov