Scribe Report by Sperm Polluter
So after last week’s circle washout it was good to have normal service resumed, well, as normal as can be expected anyway.
An enthusiastic gathering was starting to form at the popular A Site along the Hwy 3240, it was easy to find, nothing to do with the PINK HHH signs but mainly due to the fact that some over achievers ran there the day before.
Signs up completed and the GM calls the circle to order and the usual proceedings take place, however, I cannot remember if there were any virgins or visitors because I forgot I was scribing and wasn’t paying attention at this point, but I do remember there were no new shoes.
At this point LIBERACE enters the circle to announce that it will soon be the 75th birthday of John Lennon (if he wasn’t already dead of course) and he asked if we could all pose for a photo that would be put on a banner and sent to Canada in memory of the great man – Imagine that.
One other announcement from the GM, regarding the sign up process. If you turn up and throw your sign-up fee on the table and shout out your name then you will not be given credit for that run. There is a process to follow, so follow it and don’t be a twat.
The GM calls in the Hares to tell us about the run, DEL BOY and REAR GUNNER who apparently had stepped in at short notice to Hare today (Hash Heroes). Now the Hashers that run yesterday (Sunday) were expecting the run to be the same (including me), but to their credit they had been out that morning and set a completely different run, true Hasher’s, well done.
So off the pack went, without yours truly, I decided to join the Beer Hunters today, a pleasant experience I have to say, although GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER may not agree. He was surrounded by flies to whole time we were there, but then again, you know what they say about flies and shit.
Ok, back at the A Site, eagerly awaiting the signs of the FRB’s to return so we can drink beer. I can’t recall who the first one back was but GI JOE wasn’t too far behind. Then to my surprise I see STEPTOE emerge from the trees who boldly claims he broke the last 2 checks (Imagine that – John Lennon).
GI JOE spots RUNNING BEAR in full flight running passed the A Site on the Highway, he returns 10 minutes later claiming he knew where the A Site was but wanted to add some extra kilometers to the run (It all sounds like bullshit to me, you know how the song goes).
With everyone back the Hares are busy setting everything up (but not quick enough according to some people). DEL BOY is trying to get the lights to work without too much success, along comes TAMPAX (the skinny sparky), who changes the plug around and hey presto, we have lights.
There is a lot of activity around the Raffle table, where EMPEROR AIRHEAD is test driving one of the prizes, a reclining chair that wouldn’t look out of place in the Space Shuttle, “ I can see the Milky Way” he claims. On that note, the GM informs the circle that it is the maiden flight of the PH3 Drone, but with only 6 minutes battery life, the end result remains to be seen.
The GM calls upon SFW to start the famous Raffle, it’s nice to have dry tickets this week and to be able to see the numbers. And the lucky winners are, SQUEEZE MY TUBE, GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER, LADY SNAKE, WANK-KING’S WANKER, SPERM POLLUTER and CASPAR.
The GM calls upon the one and only RA, EMPEROR AIRHEAD to take the circle. He is back from a few weeks in the USA where he informs us that he has been living the life of a cowboy, I’ve seen those cowboys in the states, and Brokeback Mountain springs to mind.
Hares have a seat, and DEL BOY is going to get some stick for sure, but EA starts off by thanking the Hares for setting a great run at very short notice, this is the spirit of the PH3. With the pleasantries over, it’s time to give DEL BOY a hard time. EA points out a couple of basic guidelines, check the weather forecast and 14k runs are a tad too long because invariably they end up finishing in the Dark.
Continuing on about the run, a lot of Hashers have clean shoes after running in the water for 30 minutes, in fact it’s the cleanest feet some guys have had for a long time.
Moving on, EA puts SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER on the ice. These guys grew up during the Cold War, referring to their age (old b*st*rds). Now they are political beer hunters bigger than Donald Trump, even elephants bow down to them. Apparently they made DEL BOY set the run, this is the power and the influence that these guy have.
EA goes on to talk about stalwarts of the PH3 referring to VV who should be returning soon , apparently he has been in Belgium, a country you could put in Los Angeles and still have plenty of room left. Belgium is a country that nobody wants, a bit like the last kid on the sports team, “no you have him, I don’t want him” it’s harsh but true.
SIR FREE WILLY gets a mention, only because he has LADY FLIPPER to tell him what to do. Of course no list would be complete without SQUEEZE MY TUBE who goes along about her business not wanting any recognition.
The GM announces the awards, DEL BOY achieves 5 Hared Runs (probably in the last 5 weeks) and it’s SFW birthday (Hashy Birthday Fuck You).
BARNACLE BOLLOX takes the circle and tells us a story about “Wombats” and parachutes failing to open, which leads into a song about the “Big Bamboo”. He informs every one of his good fortune in getting another job this afternoon after being laid off this morning, he ices SFW, BURL IVES and SRSB, just because he can.
BURL IVES takes over with a rendition of Dog’s licking arse holes and a song about the British Navy in Hong Kong – “me no likey British Sailor, Yankee pay $5 more”, very amusing.
GANGREEN on in and takes the circle, he ices the Hares, good choice and also TAMPAX for some reason. NA HEE MAN and SUGAR DADDY end up in the bucket, the second time for NHM. GANGREEN sings the Gangbang song to get them off the ice and out of the bucket.
No circle would be complete without icing TURD BURGLAR who has taken on the role of Beer Police along with partner in crime STOOL MOVER. It appears that TURD BURGLAR has one or two fetishes, and without going into too much detail (being a family Hash and all that), he enjoys water sports, hot candle wax and being spat on – each to their own, we are not here to judge anyone or something like that.
We call on the Hares to sing us a song, but they can’t sing so BARNACLE BOLLOX steps up to the plate again and entertains us all with a version of the “Thrashing Machine”
The GM invites NA HEE MAN to lead us all in the HASH HYMN, a great day had by all and a very entertaining circle.
Apparently the John Lennon banner will be displayed at the TQ in its entire splendor for everyone to see.
On-On! Sperm Polluter
Next week’s scribe is Ball Ringer.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 55
Hashers Present Last Week – 37
4 jedi Bownes; 22 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 524 BALL RINGER; 77 CAMEL HUMPER; 24 CASPAR; 97 CROCODILE; 27 DEL BOY; 73 DESERT SCORPION; 261 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1320 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 559 G.I. JOE; 216 GANGREEN; 27 GAS MAN; 707 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 621 LADY FLIPPER; 14 LADY SNAKE; 265 LIBERACE; 376 LONE WOLF; 58 LOST CAUSE; 186 MISSING LINK; 673 MRS. HEAD; 113 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 297 PELER; 146 PINKABOO; 230 REAR GUNNER; 185 ROBBING BASTARD; 160 RUBBER DICK; 611 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 641 SIR FREE WILLY; 641 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 809 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 60 SPANKINSTEIN; 49 SPERM POLLUTER; 156 STEPTOE; 344 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 183 TURD BURGLAR; 247 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 16
7 Nok Kumnerdkla; 39 BANANAS; 156 BARNACLE BOLLOX; 41 BURL IVES; 8 GAS GUZZLER; 28 GOLDEN RIVET; 37 MASTER CHEF; 3 MENTAL TAMPAX; 40 MISUSE ME; 38 NA HEE MAN; 92 POCAHONTAS; 110 RUNNING BARE; 36 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 375 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 21 STOOL MOVER; 384 TAMPAX
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 2
20 SUGAR DADDY Eket Hash, Nigeria
4 WINGNUT Panguna Hash, Papua New Guinea
Virgins – 0
~ none this week ~
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – 2
DEL BOY was congratulated for completing his 5th Hared Run.
DEL BOY was awarded his 5th Hared Run Hat
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
SIR FREE WILLY – Happy Birthday – 26th September