Scribe Report by Piss Poorer
Welcome to Run #1640. It was a relatively short bus ride from the pick up site on Third Road to the A-Site heading out Phoenix Golf Club way. When we arrived at the A-Site it highly resembled a field that had been ploughed up the day before. Amongst the ploughed up soil in the distance there was the beer truck which was nestled on the only bit of square grass in site. This latter would result in the Hash having a square instead of a circle which to my surprise didn’t confuse anyone on the day.
Once all the sign ups were completed and the usual greetings had taken place LOAN WOLF (sic) called the circle, there were no new shoes or virgins today so he introduced the Hares. WANK-KING’S WANKER and ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA, which then gave us the relative information and sent us on our way.
It wasn’t long before we were running past a herd of cattle which had been enclosed. Not until a Bull kicked down the wooden fence and decided to charge at LOAN WOLF and myself. Thankfully a farmer was quick at hand a pulled back the bull long enough for us to pass. That was the end of the cattle but many other primary resources still ahead on the trail. This included coconut trees, bananas, pineapples, tapioca, latex (not condoms), and charcoal.
On the in trail SQUEEZE MY TUBE, NO KNICKERS and a few other girls were caught shopping on the natural foliage. When I asked them what they were gathering thinking I was going to learn something new I was informed vegetables. It looked like no vegetable I had seen before.
With the run completed, beer in hand and standing on the door mat of grass that was available it seems everyone enjoyed the run. REAR GUNNER informed me it was 3.75km.
The Hares provided some extra refreshments in the way of vodka, gin and whisky along with watermelon. Very kind I thought until ZEAL ZUCKER pointed out they were only 700ml bottles not 1 litre. Cheap bastards he said.
30 minutes after the last walker makes it in SHIEK MEME rides into the A-Site. He was all smiles and waving to everyone. All that was missing was his long curles waving in the wind. LIBERACE and BALL RINGER had already packed up their table for two so did they get his sign up fee? Stay tuned.
There were many hashers meddling around the beer truck and in around the site. VIVI the Brew Master with his brother ZENERGY and KARAMBA with his daughter Khawndee, both who I met for the first time, what a moment.
LOAN WOLF calls the circle and ices the Hares with NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER, GI JOE joins LOAN WOLF giving the Hares a double down down and then sends them on their way.
Front runners KARAMBA, ZENERGY with WANK-KING’S WANKER take a seat. It was agreed that it was a good run with minimal checks that could have been laid with one piece of paper.
MENTAL DISORDER steps in and takes control of the Raffle. REAR GUNNER who had been away for a few weeks comments on how well FREE WILLY is doing with his diet?
WANK-KING’S WANKER takes a seat for muddling up his ticket numbers then placed in the bucket for confirming he was dislncsick.
There were several Raffle Winners none that will be named that picked a prize and had a down down.
SHEIK MEME takes the circle and comments on how good the Raffle was this week. Take a seat MENTAL DISORDER. DEL BOY then joins him for being a “horrible yellow piece of snot.”
VIVI was the next to join them because in his past he was a lawyer in The Hague for human rights and now it’s his fault all those Arabs/Muslims are flooding to Europe but he is in Thailand.
SPAGHETTI HEAD was noticed to be AWOL from his chair so DOG LICKS ITS DICK pays the price and takes the bucket. SPAGHETTI HEAD appears a short time latter with a smile on his face. SHEIK MEME then thanks the two for a great circle and run last week.
It was revealed that SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE, Beer Police for the day was performing cavity checks on suspect beer pilfering. Going beyond the call of her duty. Please do note that SPAGHETTI HEAD was getting drinks for everyone all night.
KARAMBA was the next to grace us with his presence on the ice. We all know how he is the multi task expert but he has gone to a whole new level now. SHEIK MEME explains how every day KARAMBA operates his breastfeeding milk extractor whilst growing mango trees and still squeezing in a coffee enema every morning plus making it to the Hash! That’s time management for you.
BOB SNOT HERE joins them on the ice for talking. Give them all a note and a down down.
Hares take a seat. It is noted that the Hare‘s birthdays were on either side of the run date. They also revealed that the GPS they planned to use failed thus it was a short run. Well short for some but perfect for most.
SHEIK MEME then ices LIBERACE for being the new major sponsor of the Hash and where would the Hash be without him today. Sounds like SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE wasn’t the only one performing cavity checks. Personally I would have payed the sign up fee.
BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK and AXEL GREASE take a seat. It is announced that they have both got married and commiserations and congratulations were in order all round. Married to each other that is.
WANK-KING’S WANKER takes back the circle and presents SPAGHETTI HEAD with his 800th Run T-shirt. It goes well with the 800 beer bars, 800 beers and 800 wrinkles that go along with it.
BEVERLY HILL PINK COCK takes the circle and rightly so ices SHEIK MEME. Who does he think it is. Comes in late on a motor bike, and then takes the circle. Little did we know until this moment that SHEIK MEME has set up a muslim terrorist cell in Thailand. Zee, on the Hash we have wayz of making zoo talk.
Front Runners iced again. ZEAL ZUCKER, REAR GUNNER, GI JOE and GANGREEN. DOG LICKS ITS DICK thinks one of them was a smoking sinner. Which one? Front Runners off the ice.
Female runners on the ice. If only you could have seen BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK with all the girls at his feet on the ice. It was like watching a fox in a chicken coup as all the girls huddled together for protection. They’re all right, all right, off the ice.
Before we new it, it was that time of the night and it was time to go home. A special thanks to VIVI for bringing along the home made rolls and BAHT BUS GESTAPO for taking the best ever photo of me.
A hand few of us went back to the On on bar at Jameson’s for a drink. Kim the food was great and thanks for you hospitality.
It was noted that the two Hares and myself were found in some beer bar a the back of The Avenue after 2.30am still living the dream in high spirits.
On-On! Piss Poorer
Next week’s scribe is to be announced.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 61
Hashers Present Last Week – 37
17 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 519 BALL RINGER; 35 BIGGUS DICKUS; 7 BOB SNOT HERE; 39 BURL IVES; 35 CRAPPER; 22 DEL BOY; 217 DOG LICKS ITS DICK; 553 G.I. JOE; 210 GANGREEN; 701 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 27 GOLDEN RIVET; 30 HAWKEYE; 142 HONEY BUNNY; 615 LADY FLIPPER; 259 LIBERACE; 53 LOST CAUSE; 38 MISUSE ME; 667 MRS. HEAD; 107 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 20 NO KNICKERS; 60 PISS POORER; 87 POCAHONTAS; 68 RASPUTIN; 105 RUNNING BARE; 104 SCOOBIE DOO; 187 SEAL SUCKER; 185 SHEIK MEME; 605 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 635 SIR FREE WILLY; 635 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 803 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 28 SLACK VAGINA; 370 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 338 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 738 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 241 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 19
3 Khwandee Dinessen; 4 Ken Eno; 171 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 37 BANANAS; 182 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 34 BLUE BUNNY; 91 CROCODILE; 97 DIRT DIGGER; 157 JACKAL; 306 KARAMBA; 7 LIPOVITAMIN; 370 LONE WOLF; 33 MASTER CHEF; 117 MENTAL DISORDER; 143 PINKABOO; 227 REAR GUNNER; 17 RUNNING DEER; 32 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 31 SWEET BUNNY
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 5
22 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE – Brunei Hash
13 AXEL GREASE – Cebu City H3, Philippines
7 POCKET SOCKET – Makiti H3, South Africa
15 ZENERGY – Pattaya Jungle Irregular Lunar Hash, Thailand
1 Buason Singphan – Unknown
Virgins – 0
~ none this week ~
Leavers – 2
DOG LICKS ITS DICK
Anniversaries – 1
SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD was presented with his 800th Run T-Shirt.
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA – 9 Aug 1966
WANK-KING’S WANKER – 11 Aug 1949