Scribe Report by Linear Accelerator
After an overnight rainstorm and scattered showers during the day, I for one appreciated the cloud cover provided for our Monday PH3 trek. It was a welcome break from the heat wave that has enveloped the area for the past few days. With the stormy skies there were obviously a few Monday Hashers taking a rain check, so BAHT BUS GESTAPO’s single rot song taew, packing a brave lot of Hashers like sardines-in-a-can, was all that was required from the Buffalo Bar to the A-Site
GM WANK-KING’S WANKER called the Hashers to circle up and proceeded with announcements as follows:
1) No ON-ON Bar at Jameson’s tonight due to the low turnout.
2) Next week is the Philippines Independence Run and the Philippine Harriettes will provide theme based and always-tasty food and beer. Please do not miss this yearly event, as it is highly forgettable.
REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD iced for commenting on the GM’s comments.
Hares on in where VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR provides run instructions, and with TWO TIME in agreement, the Hashers were off and running, walking, or on the way to the nearest bar.
In the meantime V.V. ignited the BBQ in preparation for the grilled chicken and pork burgers for the returning Hashers with the able assistance of co-Hare T.T. Bon Appétit!
After all of the Hashers returned to the A-Site and fortified themselves with an assortment of Hash Chef V.V.’s BBQ burgers, etc. and Brew Master V.V.’s refreshments everyone was in a jovial mood.
GM WANK-KING’S WANKER calls for a circle and immediately ices the Hares. The GM asked for the circle’s opinion of the run. CRACK MY COCCYX replied “spectacular”! With all in agreement, it was noted that some of the runners of another unmentionable Hash solved a check from a run ten days prior. I believe someone exclaimed, “Holy S*H*I*T!”
SIR FREE WILLY called in for the Raffle proceedings. With what’s on the table, clearly SFW is running a profitable business here, not a charity. ABSOLUTLY NO FUCKING IDEA gets the lucky draw and the rice cooker. PISSED AS A RAT takes the non-descript white liquor. IRREGULAR PERIOD chooses the white wine, spiked with sugar and fruit juice. WANK-KING’S WANKER pulls the biscuits. The briefs went to a young and upcoming hasher. Unfortunately I can’t recall who ended up with the secondhand teddy bear, which presumably, was retrieved from one of SFW’s dumpster dives.
In a giving mood, WANK-KING’S WANKER kindheartedly donates his lucky biscuits to the starving girls of the TQ, which is gladly accepted by RA EMPEROR AIRHEAD and appreciated by the circle as well. The RA proceeds in calling SLACK VAGINA to the ice along with his girlfriend. At her earlier interview with the RA she learned her Hash Name would be selected this evening. In response, she exclaimed, “Oh, EMPEROR AIRHEAD, please don’t give me a name like my boyfriend’s!” The RA, being the good-natured man that he is, asked the lovely lass, “well then, what should we name you?” And so, the EMPEROR duly christened SLACK VAGINA’s girlfriend FUNNY BUNNY. Welcome to the Monday PH3 family FUNNY BUNNY.
Next, RA EMPEROR AIRHEAD calls Hares VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR & TWO TIME to the ice, where it is noted by the RA, they’ve been married now for 15 years, a duration of which is rarely duplicated in this sometimes notorious city of Pattaya. The EMPEROR recalls the days long ago when VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR was a wild daredevil of a man, often admired by the local beauties as he sat back combing his chest hair when time allowed between entertaining the cheering crowds like a Pattaya-based Evel Knievel.
It’s history lessons like these that prompt the feasibility study and development of a functioning Time Machine. Until then, our EMPEROR AIRHEAD, and time-travel tour-guide, offers us glimpses of the past. On the subject of tour-guides, where is that dang NIGHT RIDER? The Hares were congratulated for a great run and their long and successful marriage then given a note.
The RA then calls TESTICLES and SUGAR DADDY to take a seat and proceeds to give the circle another history lesson on the iced duo. TESTICLES, having a 40-year history of Hashing, ‘round the world, was once the GM of a Viet Nam Hash Kennel. SUGAR DADDY, on the other hand, has been Hashing for 30-years, based out of Lagos; he’s now organized a Hash in India. Doing the math, the seated duo have 70-years of Hashing between them. EMPEROR AIRHEAD congratulates them on their contributions to the World Hashing Community and they’re given a note.
The GM retakes the circle and asks LIBERACE to bring 2 down-downs into the circle where they toast the PH3 Hash Bookie’s 250th Run followed by a note. Next, SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD is called into the circle with 2 down-downs for acknowledgment of his 10th Hared Run and is given a note.
WANK-KING’S WANKER ices LIBERACE and V.V. then buckets SIR FREE WILLY to introduce the Mis-Management Committee to the circle in honor of their contributions to the Monday PH3. Please see http://pattayah3.com/home/mis-management-2015/ for the many hats worn by these three. A note is given for the “Pillars of the Hash”. The GM also thanks all the volunteers who contribute to the Monday PH3 as Hares, Scribes, Troubadours, etc. followed by a note.
Next SIR KIDNEY WIPER in for a song, ”Sex is Boring” where the circle is separated into three groups to sing in a staggered 3-part harmony similar to “Row, Row, Row, your Boat” followed by a laugh and a note.
REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD is again iced along with SPAGHETTI HEAD for withholding information in reference to a drunken night at Oscars. I missed the story line, however it may have been due to the withholding of information. RSB did divulge that all of WANK-KING’S WANKER ex-wives hate his craggy-ass. And with that, a note is given.
LONE WOLF takes the circle for a bit of fun, and puts TESTICLES and SUGAR DADDY on the ice where he proceeds to tell a joke regarding the upside of paying a little more for medical insurance by comparing the regular and premium policy treatments side-by-side for the relief of an overactive prostrate gland and the resulting overabundance of semen. Lesson learned: Pay the higher premium.
GM calls on the Hares to sing us a song and SIR FREE WILLY fills in with Snotland: “I’m a Wanker”.
WANK-KING’S WANKER calls for six volunteers to grab the remaining down downs and lead the circle in the Hash Hymn. Contrary to the earlier announcement regarding on-on bar, Jameson’s has already laid out a buffet for PH3 Monday Hash. Off we go then….
**Please note: One beer open and one unopened for the ride back. The empty in the bin doesn’t count!
ON-ON ! Linear Accelerator
Next week’s scribe is Del Boy.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 38
Hashers Present Last Week – 31
166 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 12 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 510 BALL RINGER; 322 BELL END; 60 BEN 10; 240 CRACK MY COCCYX; 1310 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 5 FUNNY BUNNY; 544 G.I. JOE; 692 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 60 IRREGULAR PERIOD; 175 KILL BENNY; 606 LADY FLIPPER; 8 LADY SNAKE; 250 LIBERACE; 156 MARATHON MAN; 658 MRS. HEAD; 36 PISSED AS A RAT; 68 PUSSY FUCKER; 626 SIR FREE WILLY; 626 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 794 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 20 SLACK VAGINA; 20 SLIPPERY SAM; 361 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 331 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 18 STOOL MOVER; 451 TADPOLE; 51 TESTICLES; 731 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 232 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 5
33 BANANAS; 88 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 364 LONE WOLF; 92 SCARLET PIMPERNEL; 133 TWO TIME
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 2
5 RED ROCKET – BH3, California, USA
17 SUGAR DADDY – Eket Hash, Nigeria
Virgins – 0
~ none this week ~
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – 2
SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD was presented his 10 Hared Runs Hat
LIBERACE wasongratulated n completing his 250th Run
Hash Name Events – 1
Wichuda Wongkamsan was given the New Hash Name FUNNY BUNNY
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~