Scribe Report by Gas Man
Well, only a small mangy pack of runners showed up this week at the run site. Including the late blow ins only a total of 46, which made it a leisurely affair to sign up with LIBERACE. After all the usual fucking around we got the first circle formed. Silly visitor “I’m so drunk why don’t u take me home” from Taipei had shoes so new the price tag was still on them. So along with our illustrious GM WANK-KINGS WANKER who also had new clogs she got to have a drink from them. VV and TADPOLE came in and told us all the usual lies about their run and we duly fucked off.
Had the first fuck up 10 minutes in,lost paper on a check. Took us blind pricks about 10 mins to find the paper and get back into it. Shit, I should be with the Beer Hunters today was going through my mind. After a few km of tapioca, pineapples, packs of rabid dogs and the odd mantrap we made it to the run/walker split. I was going to run, but GUS GUZZLER had turned into GAS GRIZZLER so we went straight home and then had to wait 30 minutes for a beer. Pick your fucking pace up runners, all us walker cunts are dying of thirst. Good run Hares, it was noted VV 130 or so and TADPOLE nearly 40 hares.
Circle started in the usual way with the Raffle by SIR FREE WILLY. TADPOLE got first drawn and snatched the Tequila. One of the KIDNEY GIRLS came out and swooped on the big bottle of plonk. Bertie bypassed the Vodka and took the monk kit (WTF mate….we could have drunk it on the way to town) The KIDNEY KID came back out, the GENERAL has trained his girls well, she grabbed that fucking bottle straight away. No fucking about there. ODDJOB, GANGREEN and the Frenchy visitor (who later disputed that with claims of Belgium…I think he was just worried by all the Germans there) were other poor bastards that won prizes with no alcohol in them as well.
The EMPEROR came in and dealt with the Hares on the ice. Then he bought in PUSSY FUCKER and PISSED AS A RAT along with their kiddy. He was named SLIPPERY SAM. He showed his true hash spirit, he went fucking apeshit when the old man drank his down down on his behalf. AIRHEAD bought the visitors in, we had a “Canadian American” and 2 Germans, Robin and Robert. I thought TADPOLE was going to lick the ice after they got up, she was impressed with their arses…
Sticking with the arsehole theme, Bertie let MENTAL DISORDER have the circle. It truly was a night of arseholes. He got VV in, something about fingering arses and tasting said finger. GANGREEN got the bucket for some unknown reason. NEVILLE BUTT FUCKER couldn’t shut up so he got a seat as well. Then he had TADPOLE judge mens’ arses, WILLY, the Germans, BAHT BUS GESTAPO. She still liked the Germans.
Girls came in then, GAS GUZZLER in the bucket. LADY FLIPPER was deemed most arse-worthy of the group. Hamersley leavers NBF, MR POTATOHEAD and GAS MAN got iced and told to fuck off. GAS GUZZLER was told to come in and sit on my lap, but she chose the bucket. The bitch likes it so much I might have to put one in the Gas Chamber for her.
WANK-KING’S WANKER rescued the circle from MENTAL, and let the Taipei Hashers sing us a song of Chinamen. He then put all the leavers on the ice and GASMAN in the bucket. After another round of fuck off, leavers all left, but the Gestapo in Bertie came out, he yelled “GASMAN, you stay in that fucking bucket” and he commenced to tell some story about how I outran the Thai Police at an alcohol checkpoint in Soi Buakhow 4am Sunday morning. Farangs do win occasionally here. There is an all points bulletin for a drunken fatman wearing a Hamersley shirt on a scooter… ‘
Hares delegated the song to some other cunts who sang “Mrs Murphy” and we wrapped it up with the leavers leading us into the Hymn. On-on bar was organised by ANAL ROTATE HER LATER at Miss Langsom’s, good curry and cheap piss. Another great night with the famous Pattaya Hash. Numbers were down but still great fun. We’ll be back, and with even more cunts from Hamersley next time.
ON-ON ! Gas Man
Next week’s scribe is Baht Bus Gestapo.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 46
Hashers Present Last Week – 32
16 Hans Boye; 2 Chris Matthews; 281 ARSE-HOLEO; 1305 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 198 GANGREEN; 5 GAS GUZZLER; 22 GAS MAN; 687 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 601 LADY FLIPPER; 245 LIBERACE; 84 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 151 MARATHON MAN; 90 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 107 MENTAL DISORDER; 4 MINOR DISORDER; 4 MR POTATO HEAD; 96 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 70 NEXT WEEK; 283 PELER; 31 PISSED AS A RAT; 81 POCAHONTAS; 27 POL DANCER; 63 PUSSY FUCKER; 16 ROTATE HER LATER; 96 RUNNING BARE; 621 SIR FREE WILLY; 15 SLIPPERY SAM; 326 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 448 TADPOLE[ 187 TRY-A-FUCK; 726 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 227 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 9
3 Karina Vahitova[ 7 BAHT BUS GESTAPO; 32 BANANAS; 131 KIDNEY BEAN; 96 KIDNEY STONE; 170 KILL BENNY; 359 ODD-JOB; 17 PISS ON IT; 49 TESTICLES
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 2
1 DRUNK ENUFF – Taichung Hash, Taiwan
1 I’M SO DRUNK – Taichung Hash, Taiwan
Virgins – 3
Leavers – 2
Anniversaries – 0
~ none this week ~
Hash Name Events – 1
Sam Green was given the New Hash Name SLIPPERY SAM.
Saints and Sinners – 1
GAS MAN – Hash Hero – Broke through Police drink drive roadblock and escaped.
~ none this week ~