Scribe Report by Fowl Fucker
Editor’s Note: This scribe was submitted early Tuesday. It was delayed due to other commitments delaying this week’s website update. A good scribe well worth reading; hope you enjoy it – we will leave on site front page for another week.
I have heard that if you do a nice scribe without swearing it may be published in the Pattaya Mail. We will see how it goes.
Fucking hot day again, fuck me, it’s as hot as a bastard, when will the rains come.
As soon as I got to the Buffalo Bar to get the bus TURD was at me about drinking too much beer and hating Pattaya and he is going back to London in the morning so he can vote UKIP because Pakis are scaring his cat and he doesn’t like kebab shops, What a long ride in the baht bus that was.
CORNHOLE and family laid the run, the A-Site was in a fly infested forest,in fact lots of forests were seen that day. Barely 5 minutes had passed and I was being eaten alive as FREE WILLY asked ME to be scribe.
I said I could not as I would not be here next week. ‘No problem’ said WILLY and walked up to the paying table and said loudly “FF is a free runner”. LIBERACE was disgusted with this proposition as SPAG HEAD signed me up as a free run, I did not Know WILLY had so much clout, more on this later.
Brief hare instructions and off we go. My ongoing problem with Rhigomortis meant a slow start and eventually the old bones managed a jog and a very nice run became evident, one of those that goes on and on until WHAM– the A-Site is in view.
Crisps and Chang was immediately engaged as TURD BURGLAR stuffed bananas in his north and south explaining that in London he can buy 12 of the bastards for only 1 pound. He then complained he could not drink beer as his belly was full. I backed away slowly to talk to KIDNEY WIPER, a far better conversation I thought until he went fucking ballistic when I mentioned Jomtien Immigration (who doesn’t). Circle in 5 fucking minutes shouted NO MORE CUM.
Strangely, no new shoes this day and even more strangely no Virgins. I can not recall ever not having Virgins — what is going on, are they scared of the Hash? I decided to continue with the scribe with (8) Frequently Asked Questions as a reference to potential virgins.
1 – ARE HASHERS INTELEGENT AND MATURE?
A bra was on the raffle prize table, grown men were touching it and giggling at it. One male prize winner chose a second hand toilet seat over a box of cookies and bottles of booze and t-shirts, then came back and asked to change the seat for the bra.
2 – ARE THERE AUSTRALIANS?
Unfortunately yes, they occupy the bucket and ice constantly. Loud brash bastards singing songs to each other about taking it up the arse and yet would take a bullet but would not help fallen comrades out of the bucket. True ANZAC comradery here and evidence of the Aussies true fear of the bucket.
3 – WHAT IS THE BUCKET?
A large tub containing water and ice designed to take 2 grown men, mainly for Australians who feel once away from home shores they can misbehave badly. If the Indonesians have their way there will be 2 less by the end of the week. Australians sphincter muscles are connected to their mouths so freezing the sphincter stops them talking, — seems to work well.
4 – WHAT IS A SHEIK ME ME?
It’s a thing for shouting and saying “cunt” a lot and has a terrible reputation for being a cheap bastard. Don’t give him a pencil and paper or he will start scribing — likes to bucket SPAG HEAD’s wrinkled old arse (refer to photo’s) for no other reason than he has nothing to do and wants to sit in SPAG HEAD‘s folding chair. A more evil bastard one could not imagine — stay well clear.
5 – WHAT IS A GM?
Nothing to worry about here, a small inconsequential person that walks around the ice until you feel nauseous. He has gone now for 6 months and so has SCAR. You only need to worry about WANK-KING’S WANKER, — an evil vicious bastard from America that loves to bucket people but does not have as much power as FREE WILLY.
5 – WILL I HAVE TO BE SCRIBE?
At sometime yes, but take no notice of WANK-KING’S WANKER who does not know what the fuck FREE WILLY is doing who is really in charge. Beware of scribes trying to take your job away to get a free run. Refer to FAQ 4
6 – HOW MUCH IS IT?
It’s 350 baht but if you drink Heineken you can drink your money back in no time. However, if you drink Chang you will need to hit the beer ASAP. WARNING– Do not stuff yourself with bananas first. You will need to drink approx 12.5 Changs to get your money back. Chang can also be used as mosquito repellant and glue.
7 – WILL I GET ICED?
Just keep the fuck away from SHEIK MEME,–refer to FAQ 4
8 – IS HASHING FUN?
—Same as FAQ 7
ON-ON ! Fowl Fucker
Next week’s scribe is not yet named.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 61
Hashers Present Last Week – 42
14 Sam Green; 4 Adriana Kornberg; 4 Casandra Kornberg[ 4 Elina Kornberg; 5 Nok Kumnerdkla; 142 COLONEL CORNHOLE; 253 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1304 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 396 FOWL FUCKER; 539 G.I. JOE; 197 GANGREEN[ 21 GAS MAN; 686 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 11 HOT LIPS; 600 LADY FLIPPER; 244 LIBERACE; 40 LOST CAUSE; 150 MARATHON MAN; 89 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 106 MENTAL DISORDER; 3 MINOR DISORDER; 3 MR POTATO HEAD; 653 MRS. HEAD; 95 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 167 NO MORE CUM; 30 PISSED AS A RAT; 80 POCAHONTAS; 26 POL DANCER; 62 PUSSY FUCKER; 15 ROTATE HER LATER; 95 RUNNING BARE; 82 SAME SAME; 178 SHEIK MEME; 620 SIR FREE ; ILLY; 789 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 57 SPANKINSTEIN; 356 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 325 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 203 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 180 TURD BURGLAR; 725 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 226 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 15
15 Hans Boye; 3 Tommy Drews; 280 ARSE-HOLEO; 10 BOY NAMED SUE; 4 GAS GUZZLER; 83 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 83 MINELESS CUNT; 69 NEXT WEEK; 282 PELER; 137 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 153 RUBBER DICK; 210 SCAR W/2TS; 9 SHIH TZU; 447 TADPOLE; 186 TRY-A-FUCK
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 4
1 HOORAY – Bunbury Hash, Australia
1 NEEDLES – Bunbury Hash, Australia
8 CRAZY GERMAN – Nadi Hash, Fiji
1 chris Matthews San Diego Hash, USA
Virgins – 0
~ none this week ~
Leavers – 4
NO MORE CUM
STUPID KRAUT KUNT
Anniversaries – 1
LADY FLIPPER was congratulated for her 600th Run
Hash Name Events – 0
~ none this week ~
Saints and Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
~ none this week ~