Scribe Report by Burl Ives
I was asked to fill in and scribe tonight’s run, but how do you make something which is good fun live, interesting in black and white. I thought for a while and then took inspiration from the late William Archibald Spooner, a professor at Oxford who was famous for his plays on words by reversing the letters of words, for example:
“You have hissed all my mystery lectures, and were caught fighting a liar in the quad. Having tasted two worms, you will leave by the next town drain”
(You have missed all my history lectures, and were caught lighting a fire in the quad. Having wasted two terms, you will leave by the next down train)
Spoonerisms were immortalised by the late Ronnie Barker a famous British Comedian, so here goes, I’ve taken the liberty with some of your hash names, but it doesn’t always work , as you can see!
“Rosenmontag, (Rose Monday) is the highlight of the German “Karneval” (carnival), and is on the Shrove Monday before Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Celebrations usually include dressing up in fancy costumes, dancing, parades, heavy drinking and general public displays with floats, perfect concept for a hash!
So the two smart hares HULK and WUSY SONG choose a perfect A-Site and set a run down and around Huai Chak Nok Lake. Cleverly they were able to send the pack off through the lake due to dry season low water level, so the pack charged off through numerous causeways, eventually finding their way back to dry land and German finger food, most of which had been devoured by the time the walkers got back!
Circle up called by GM CUM NO MORE (or Don’t Call Me Bogbrush, DCMB for short), then HULK explained the meaning of Rosenmontag, icing ANFI and the Flippas in the process. The Hares had sequestered a prezzie out on the run, but FRB’s KARAMBA and ANAL ROTATE HER LATER failed to retrieve it, so were iced.
DCMB then iced the Hares for being hares. SIR WEE FRILLY then “entertained” us with the Raffle, (funny how of all the Hashes I’ve been to in Asia this is the only one with a regular raffle!).
Talented circle master AIRPEROR EMHEAD then did his usual entertaining stunts praising the Hares for their efforts especially for the food. ESTONIAN F@CKER and KARAMBA then compared physiques for meat versus veggie diets! LINEAR ACCELERATOR was iced for Hash crashing into the back of NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER. Virgins RASPUTIN’s latest love, Yupa Sommagattarin,and Dani Steinhoff from Norway were then treated to a dose of frozen posterior.
Hash Bean Counter WANK-KING’S WANKER then gave awards to WUSY SONG for 5 hares and BOBBIN RASTARD for 10 hared runs, followed by CHEAP NORGY C@NT for 200 runs and KARAMBA (again) for 300 runs.
DCMB returned and iced 4 Thai girls for being Thai girls and bucketed T WITH 2 SCARS for looking like a gatoy. ESTONIAN F@CKER was bucketed for having a suntan and BARNACLE BOLLOX for designing a Kayak with belt and braces.
Then, the star of the party, MAKE ME A SHEIK took the stage and iced WONE LOLF, T WITH 2 SCARS and DCMB for various misdemeanours, like not wanting to be an RA. The Hares were iced again for a good run, then SIR WEE FRILLY for criticising MAKE ME A SHEIK, along with LINEAR ACCELERATOR, PARLET SIMPERNEL and WEE MOANING MEASLE.
BARNACLE BOLLOX and G.I.JOE were then iced for various perambulatory problems followed by ANAL ROTATE HER LATER for being a chopper pilot. BURL IVES (Scribe) was then bucketed and serenaded by BARNACLE BOLLOX.
DCMB then picked on and iced T WITH 2 SCARS, WANK-KING’S WANKER for some reason I missed, MODIFIED FUSSY PUCKER was renamed to just FUSSY PUCKER, and Dani from Norway labelled FRODO.
DCMB asked the Hares for a song and they then rendered the following poem, just to prove how good they were:
You call us to do a song,
But believe me,
You don’t want to hear a song
From Hulk and Suzy Wong
We can’t sing,
Neither a simple song nor a shanty
If we do, believe me,
In a few seconds this place will be empty.
But let me say something about this event,
Which is so funny,
If you have time here to spend.
The hashers… they know each other
Know also Hulk and me
Sometimes it’s like being a member,
In a big and crazy family
We run, drink and sing together
No matter what’s the weather.
There are runners and smokers
Also beer hunters and walkers
The mix of the different people is the thing
That makes to stay here so interesting
And if you spent a long time here over the years
You know their happiness and also their fears.
If you are member
You will always remember
You will never regret
The people, the fun
You will never forget!
And so it was…
ON-ON ! Burl Ives
Next week’s scribe is Turd Burglar.
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 96
Hashers Present Last Week – 74
5 Sam Green; 12 Samniang Rattanamool; 21 Jackson Shook; 4 Alexander Sukkasem; 199 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 157 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 92 ANAL CHEESE; 7 ANAL ROTATE HER LATER; 499 BALL RINGER; 318 BELL END; 56 BEN 10; 21 BIGGUS DICKUS; 182 BILLION SUCKER; 12 BLUE SKY; 18 BURL IVES; 203 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 31 CRAPPER; 91 DIRT DIGGER; 245 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1295 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 130 FLYING FINN; 52 FREQUENT STREAKER; 115 FUZZY LURE; 190 GANGREEN; 676 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 16 HAWKEYE; 95 HELIUM HEAD; 133 HONEY BEAR; 93 HULK; 38 JINGLE BALLS; 205 KEE MAH; 590 LADY FLIPPER; 71 LADY GAGA; 234 LIBERACE; 77 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 354 LONE WOLF; 32 LOST CAUSE; 20 LOVE BOAT; 24 MASTER CHEF; 17 MISUSE ME; 643 MRS. HEAD; 61 NEXT WEEK; 158 NO MORE CUM; 274 PELER; 287 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 21 PISSED AS A RAT; 6 POCKET SOCKET; 20 POLE FUCKER; 14 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 53 PUSSY FUCKER; 366 RAMBO WW2; 308 RAMBOWLING; 201 SCAR W/2T’S; 90 SCARLET PIMPERNEL; 181 SEAL SUCKER; 24 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 601 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 610 SIR FREE WILLY; 619 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 780 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 94 SLIPPERY ARSE; 48 SPANKINSTEIN; 95 SPECIAL PRICE; 153 STEPTOE; 14 STICKY KNICKERS; 315 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 54 SUZY WONG; 439 TADPOLE; 118 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 197 TOM BOY; 171 TURD BURGLAR; 715 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 217 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 99 WEE MOANING WEASEL
Returners – 17
29 BANANAS; 153 BARNACLE BOLLOX; 26 BEETROOT HEAD; 68 CAMEL HUMPER; 64 DESERT SCORPION; 23 ESTONIAN FUCKER; 530 G.I. JOE; 4 GREEN TREE; 301 KARAMBA; 79 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 41 PUSSY WHIPPED; 63 RASPUTIN; 178 ROBBING BASTARD; 170 SHEIK MEME; 348 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 183 TRY-A-FUCK; 324 VELCRO DICK
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 3
1 SAC NJA WEINER – Lubbock Hash, USA
11 COMES WITH PRESSURE – Pattaya Jungle Irregular Lunar Hash, Thailand
20 POL DANCER – Puerto Galera Hash, Philippines
Virgins – 2
Leavers – 1
Anniversaries – 4
KARAMBA was awarded his 300th Run T-Shirt
CHEAP NORGY CUNT was awarded his 200th Run T-Shirt
ROBBING BASTARD was awarded his 10 Hared Hat
SUZY WONG was congratulated for having Haring 5 Runs
Hash Name Events – 1
MODIFIED PUSSY FUCKER had his name further modified to PUSSY FUCKER
Sinners – 1
LINEAR ACCELERATOR – Hash Crash – For rear ending NIGHT RIDER’s car while LA’s car was stationary.
~ none this week ~