Scribe Report by Sir Free Willy
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.
(William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, Act III Scene 1)
“You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man” (W.C. Fields, 1939)
And in the beginning was Hanuman.
And Hanuman gathered his disciples around him and commanded them to go forth and spread his word and teach the people to “Get biggy with Mr..Shiggy”. And the disciple known as Molly Kirgis did go forth and came to the wilderness known as Pattaya.
And the people did flock to hear the word of Hanuman and Molly’s tribe became known as the PH3 and verily did prosper. And her tribe were baptized with ice cold water for indeed they were the chosen people. And BALL RINGER begat BEN10 and RUNNING BARE begat LITTLE WHITE DOVE and KARAMBA did begat anything in a G-String and number on their breast.
And many fell by the wayside and many were punished, ice being Hanuman’s tool, but the PH3 continued to flourish and increase as the multitude obeyed Hanuman’s commandments: “Thou shalt follow paper”, “Thou shalt not commit Rule 6” and “The GM is always right” …… and Hanuman did look down upon his people …. and Hanuman was pleased…..
And it came to pass that disciples from around the world did flock to Pattaya to celebrate the annual AGMPU run of the PH3.
And lo, after three long years a change of GM. Sexual affiliations aside at least THIS ONE did not trot down the Kermit for a stretch of solitary stripy shirt Hashing as the previous three did.!!!
Rod Stewart sang, “An Old Raincoat will Never Let You Down” and much could be said about this A-Site probably seeing more action than BLUE SKY‘s silicone suntans which are flashed and are a danger to anyone without eye protection, it was all set for another great run day on the PH3.
The Hares for today, incumbent GM SCAR WITH 2 T’S and his trusty sidekick WANK-KING’S WANKER lash out 1500 Baht of table food ready for the hog-fest after the run and promise us some surprises to supplement their generosity.
First circle called and virgins and new shoes are easily dealt with. A healthy 104 sign-ups traipse out to the wild green yonder wondering if they are going to run clock-wise or counter clock-wise around Monastery Hill. After a false trial that fooled EVERYONE (no comment) the runners headed off counter-clockwise.
First one back was SPERM POLLUTER followed by a motley posse of out of breath alcoholics who headed straight for the food table. Possibly turning over a new leaf SIR MC had actually left some food for the other 103 sign-ups and the spread was devoured readily by the incoming strung out runners.
Vodka Jellys had been laid on by the Hares and of course your scribe just HAD to hear one mithering twat exclaim “Are they only available in Vodka.?…I don’t like Vodka.!!!”…. Pims Cup Jelly’s… Now there’s a thought.
Circle called for the last time by outgoing GM SCAR WITH 2 T’S ………………. Arrrrrrh! How time flies… I can well remember a young stripling SW2T’S walking up to me, dyed hair freshly combed, clutching his Bi-Sexual Barbie doll and sucking his thumb (at least I THINK that is what it was) and whining, “Sir Free Willy, I want to be Grand Master and that nasty German Das HELLBOY won’t let me play.”
Taking pity on the poor waif and patting him on the head (old trick,it detracts the attention while the other hand opens the wallet using the end two fingers) I assured him “There, there my confused Norwegian transgendered friend, leave it to SFW… I will arrange all… For I am the Henry Kissinger of the Hashing world and ‘detente’ is my middle name. And I will make HELLBOY an offer he cannot refuse.” And so proved the case.
Three years later the boy has become a man… or as good as next to anyhow. And now he is making way for the fresh blood prince in the form of the quasi Teutonic, vertically challenged NO MORE CUM…. my future father-in-law in fact if you did not know. His last job is saying good riddance to the old Mismanagement. The hand-over ceremony completed with a kiss and a hug between master and pupil and it is ON ON for another two years.
Hares iced in the natural order of things. The new mismanagement welcomed by the new GM. The run was declared a success of course and so it is was on to the Raffle.
SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT calling the Raffle for the last time and desperate to rid himself of any unwanted crap left over there were a multitude of strange prizes with amongst others a DVD of Oliver Stone’s movie JFK which compliments perfectly the prevailing Hash philosophy “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story”. As SBP is standing down as Brew Master as well,will today really be the last time we ever hear the mantra, “This not 7-11.!!”.?
Your scribe joined the mismanagement after conspiring to ‘arrange’ for CHARLIE MANSON to become GM on the AGM run in 2003. I was seconded on the same day as SBP and while I personally have had the odd holiday over the years SBP has been ever present. Still all things must pass as George Harrison said. Onwards and Upwards.
There have been many contenders, there have been many pretenders, but there is only one EMPEROR AIRHEAD. After the ritual icing of the Hares a mate of a mate of RATSO EEL SNIFFER,one Jerry Ridgway, who has had a checkered past to say the least, gets named by unanimous verdict CHER MY ARSEHOLE. Active member of the Masonic Norwegian Order and PH3 newcomer Per Sandoe is taken on the square with the name CROW FUCKER.
Anniversary’s time and W-KW welcomes MANX PEDOPHILE PUSSY FUCKER to celebrate his 50 runs. STEPTOE for reaching 150 runs and NO MORE CUM for completing 10 hares. It is also KEE MAH‘s 156th birthday but let’s face it…. Who cares.???
SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT takes the circle to ice his successor Monsieur V.V. and explain how the Brew Master’s job was dropped on him all those years ago.
NO MORE CUM does an early muscle flex by icing all the Australians and SUGAR DADDY as both of Queen Elizabeth’s colonies are celebrating their National Day today and are marking the event with a cricket match. Cricket…. sorry Yankee Doodles and Norgy peoples……. You just wouldn’t understand.?????
SCAR WITH THE 2 FALSE TITTIES takes over to ice a Norgy (who has told his wife he is collecting temple rubbings while in Sin City and so begged me not to mention his name in print) who has been taking full advantage of the Pattaya’s Educational Facilities……. Well he certainly learned a few things the last week.!!!!!!
NMC takes over for some mischief and ices SMC and his old beau HONEY BEAR. Was this the first time they ever faced each other derriere-to-derriere? HONEY BEAR, our own Lea Salonga (only without the talent or money) had spent much of the day telling anyone who would listen her boyfriend was going to beat everyone up. He was going to come on the hash and throw an axe at the head of her lover… Fourteen people ducked.!!!
The Hares now on in to do the Hare’s Song and strangled as it was at least they had a Hare’s Song and kept up PH3 tradition. Hash Hymn strangled and it was off to Jameson’s for the Happy Hour which I will assume in persona absentia was the usual hearty fare.
A good day and a rosy future and much respect to the Mismanagement and well as all the people who do nothing but come to run, drink and ponce. We need you all. Let’s face it the Mismanagement would look fucking stupid standing there out there alone.!!!
To the people, if I have left out anyone my apologies. Faces and fannies I never forget, but names are for tombstones.
ON-ON ! Sir Free Willy
Next week’s scribe is Manx Pedophile Pussy Fucker
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 104
Hashers Present Last Week – 72
2 Sam Green; 4 Michael Stenseth; 2 Kingkaaw Wangtoklang; 196 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 154 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 278 ARSE-HOLEO; 496 BALL RINGER; 316 BELL END; 54 BEN 10; 15 BURL IVES; 67 CAMEL HUMPER; 4 CHER MY ARSEHOLE; 28 CRAPPER; 8 CROW FUCKER; 63 DESERT SCORPION; 242 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES[ 1292 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 127 FLYING FINN; 112 FUZZY LURE; 528 G.I. JOE; 187 GANGREEN; 17 GAS MAN; 673 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 92 HELIUM HEAD; 90 HULK; 8 I AM GERONIMO; 35 JINGLE BALLS; 202 KEE MAH; 16 KISS ME DOWN UNDER; 587 LADY FLIPPER; 231 LIBERACE; 75 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 68 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 351 LONE WOLF; 29 LOST CAUSE; 17 LOVE BOAT; 50 MANX PEDOPHILE PUSSY FUCKER; 21 MASTER CHEF; 14 MISUSE ME; 3 MR. POTATOHEAD; 640 MRS. HEAD; 86 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 58 NEXT WEEK; 155 NO MORE CUM; 77 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 271 PELER; 18 PHANTOM; 141 PINKABOO; 18 PISSED AS A RAT; 74 POCAHONTAS; 3 POCKET SOCKET; 132 RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER; 223 REAR GUNNER; 176 ROBBING BASTARD; 88 RUNNING BARE; 198 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 87 SCARLET; 21 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 598 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 591 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 607 SIR FREE WILLY; 616 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 777 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 46 SPANKINSTEIN; 92 SPECIAL PRICE; 15 SUGAR DADDY; 52 SUZY WONG; 318 SWEETIE; 115 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 181 TRY-A-FUCK; 322 VELCRO DICK; 712 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 214 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 22
90 ANAL CHEESE; 28 BANANAS; 20 BELL STAR; 176 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 9 BLUE SKY; 34 BULLTRACK; 16 CASPAR; 186 DR. DICK; 392 FOWL FUCKER; 130 HONEY BEAR; 147 JACKAL; 299 KARAMBA; 160 NURSE DICK; 66 POOPACHINO; 61 RASPUTIN; 15 RUNNING DEER; 178 SEAL SUCKER; 569 SIR MC; 41 SPERM POLLUTER; 150 STEPTOE; 312 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 437 TADPOLE
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 6
1 SPANK ME HARDER – Florida Hash, USA
1 HOT LIPS – Hong Kong Hash, HK, China
13 HANDYMAN – Ludvika Hash, Sweden
3 MRS CRAPPER – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 BILLY NO MATES – Phuket Hash, Thailand
19 POL DANCER – Puerto Galera Hash, Philippines
Virgins – 3
Leavers – 1
GAS MAN – is a lying leaver
Anniversaries – 3
STEPTOE was congratulated for completing his 150th Run
MANX PEDOPHILE PUSSY FUCKER was congratulated for completing his 50th Run
NO MORE CUM was awarded his 10 Hared Runs Hat
Hash Name Events – 2
Jerry Ridgway was given the Hash Name CHER MY ARSEHOLE
Per Sandoe was given the Hash Name CROW FUCKER
Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
KEE MAH – Jan 30th