Scribe Report by Pole Fucker
This report is from the perspective of the BCBs (Back Crawling Bastards) because that is where I usually am together with a select few other hashers.
The usual pre run circle took place in which 2 unsuspecting virgins (from Belgium and Australia) were introduced and the new shoes owner SHIT ON MY FACE being rewarded with a beer (which for the first time in weeks was correctly drunk from his shoe and NOT from a can within a new shoe).
This was followed by LIBERACE in his recent Lord Kitchener role indicating ‘Your Hash Needs You’ (and new hash ‘blood’) – ‘recruitment’ flyers available to anyone who is able to display on a suitable notice board.
The run itself was described by fellow hashers as ‘excellent’ ‘wonderful’ ‘exciting’ and ‘tricky’
It had something to cater for everyone’s likes and dislikes. The trail was 7-8 kms and in the main was through tapioca fields and few local homesteads.
The tricky bits of the run came towards the end when most hashers thought that they were ‘home and dry’ and some steep ravines and river crossing were encountered forcing the infirm and those with short legs to get their feet wet.
The trail was in the main really well marked with most checks being clearly kicked through for the BCBs. Having said that a search party was sent out to round up the BCBs who got back in the dark and only just in time for the circle (good way to avoid buying raffle tickets!!!)
The run was the same from runners and walkers and from a personal view point I would give it 9.2/10.
The GM managed the circle really well with it lasting just over an hour and with EMPEROR AIRHEAD again excelling with his wit (admitting he once lived with a woman …… wished he was heterosexual …. and hoped the other guy liked it more than he did).
SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT managed the raffle, the star win being a bottle of whisky (sponsored by G.I JOE). LADY FLIPPER opened the raffle draw.
The most novel win was by EMPEROR AIRHEAD who very carefully chose a ‘made in Çhina’ folding chair definitely build for those with a slightly smaller stature (I really hope someone has a camera at hand when it collapses). Buddha knows who won the DVDs and who cares??
The GM thanked the hares GI JOE and SQUEEZE MY TUBE.
Enter EMPEROR AIRHEAD – Hares were once again thanked again in the customary icing ritual.
NO MORE CUM and COO COO COP (clad in a very sexy thong) were then iced.
This was followed by a ‘naming ceremony – Enter the circle Paul Skinner, exit the circle STOOL MOVER. We all learned STOOL MOVER once dreamt of being a football player or submarine driver but eventually found his true vocation of being an interior decorator.
STOOL MOVER recommends hanging out in hospital emergency wards to pick up girls. EMPEROR AIRHEAD speculated that the first time his girlfriend saw STOOL MOVER’S penis she thought it was wart and stuck a hypodermic needle in it!!!
Virgins were again invited into the circle and iced (Walter from Belgium) and an Aussie (who lied to LIBERACE on sign up…. how can a virgin have a hash name????)
The Beer Hunters were thanked for finding a bar serving ice cold Leos within a 7 minute stroll from the A Point). A feat that they manage to achieve on a pretty regular basis.
The GM re-enters the circle – Special events were recognised: VASELINE THIGHS was presented with 50 run pewter mug. SQUEEZE MY TUBE was thanked. She has now hared 5 times (and it was agreed by all that her performance has got better each time).
LONE WOLF was iced for being a birthday boy!
SUZY QUATTRO was iced and presented with pay cheque and 2 Bar Fines from TQ by EMPEROR AIRHEAD (earned during the EMPORER’S birthday party).
GM then hands over the Circle to SHIT ON MY FACE (visitor from Tokyo and Samurai Hash). VAGINA CAKE and MARATHON MAN were iced (I think for being Aussies!!) BLADDER BLOW and SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD iced for event at a softball tournament (what has it really got do with hashing??) The FLYING FINN was iced (allegedly he finished a bottle of JB whilst setting a run for another local hash (men only)),
GM re-enters the circle – Diaper wearers on ‘Facebook’ were iced
GM hands over the circle to NO MORE CUM – PAPRIKA SMILEY, KARAMBA and LUMP iced (misdemeanor’s too lengthy to note by a scribe who cannot do short hand)
GM re-enters the circle – BALL RINGER iced
The hares were invited to sing us a song….. and a melodic rendition of Bye Bye Blackbird was given
Last down-down given to the ‘returners’
Bar closed, Hash Hymn
ON-ON ! Pole Fucker
Next week’s scribe is Hulk
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 78
Hashers Present Last Week – 56
4 Ole Kubberup; 2 Alex Mather; 2 Pin Wildman; 487 BALL RINGER; 307 BELL END; 45 BEN 10; 9 BURL IVES; 64 CAMEL HUMPER; 13 DEL BOY; 234 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1283 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 118 FLYING FINN; 47 FREQUENT STREAKER; 520 G.I. JOE; 180 GANGREEN; 664 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 3 HOME BREW; 83 HULK; 26 JINGLE BALLS; 294 KARAMBA; 197 KEE MAH; 578 LADY FLIPPER; 62 LADY GAGA; 222 LIBERACE; 71 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 63 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 344 LONE WOLF; 20 LOST CAUSE; 10 LOVE BOAT; 29 LUMP; 137 MARATHON MAN; 8 MISUSE ME; 632 MRS. HEAD; 77 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 146 NO MORE CUM; 68 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 262 PELER; 279 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 68 POCAHONTAS; 13 POLE FUCKER; 74 RUDI VOELLER; 80 RUNNING BARE; 17 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE; 189 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 583 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 598 SIR FREE WILLY; 607 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 769 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 340 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 143 STEPTOE; 5 STOOL MOVER; 309 SWEETIE; 109 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 26 TWINKLE DICK; 313 VELCRO DICK; 703 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR
Returners – 15
8 Hans Boye; 4 Harald Malthe; 131 BENGT POTATO; 179 BILLION SUCKER; 13 CASPAR; 120 COO COO COP; 233 CRACK MY COCCYX; 43 FINGERLESS; 145 JACKAL; 349 ODD-JOB; 168 ROBBING BASTARD; 38 SPERM POLLUTER; 305 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 46 SUZY WONG; 51 VASELINE THIGHS
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 5
1 Samniang Rattanamoor – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
4 SUBNORMAL – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
11 SHIT ON MY FACE – Tokyo Hash, Japan
8 THE BLADDER BLOW – Tokyo Hash, Japan
1 G STICK – Unknown Hash
Virgins – 2
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – 2
SQUEEZE MY TUBE was congratulated on her 5th Hared Run
VASELINE THIGHS was presented with his 50th Run Mug
Hash Name Events – 1
Paul Skinner was given the Hash Name STOOL MOVER
Sinners – 0
~ none this week ~
LONE WOLF – 24 Nov