Scribe Report by Doesn’t Touch the Sides
During my time as a Hasher I have noticed that very few of us actually reads all the stuff that goes into a Scribe report. So this time I have decided to make two versions: a short version covering the main issues and satisfying all you lazy readers, and a longer full version for those of you calling yourself intellectuals.
The Short Version
Oh, it’s hot out there… Form a circle…. Checks are red… mumble, mumble…Thorns… Ice the Hares… Fucking idiots (SHEIK MEME, he was not actually here, but still he was present in our minds)….NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER, PORNSTAR from the Phillipines….WANK-KING’S WANKER: I am too drunk, the stats don’t add up, … Ice the bastard…Bucket uhmmf…The GM is pissed….And here it goes, down, down, down.
And everybody agreed it had been a marvellous afternoon.
The Full Version
Oh, it’s hot out there, another hot afternoon although we should be getting into the cold season, but we are hashers and built to endure the endless suffering from the heat.
After the usual fuss with the sign up procedures the first circle got underway, with the traditional greetings and celebration of virgins and new shoes. The Hares informed us about the run, but the only piece of information I could hear was that the checks were red. What a surprise! The rest was lost in the general noise level from the circle.
Off we went, the run was great, obviously, the Hares had put a lot of effort into making this run to what it was. Even going up and down the steep hills and slops gave us a lot of fun and some good laughs due to all the thorns we unsuccessfully tried to avoid. And luckily, we had HONEY BEAR to shine a light as we were going down the last dark and muddy gorge.
Coming back to the A-Site I immediately noticed LIBERACE studying the sign up money in a huge magnifying glass to check if there was counterfeit money amongst the hashers. That explains us why we did not see him walking against the pack not far from the A-Site.
SQUEEZE MY TUBE squooze her tubes until everybody had bought raffle tickets, and during this, SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD and FLYING FINN had an heated argument regarding distribution of raffle tickets and their individual numbering. SIR FREE WILLY had to intervene, settle the dispute and explain how raffle procedures are executed.
The GM called for the circle but immediately regretted this whispering “fuck maybe I don’t get enough time for drinking”, so the circle was postponed for 15 minutes.
In the circle the Hashers, as usual, were asked about their opinion of the run, the most prominent answer being “not enough doughnuts”. So, I guess the next hares have to make a note of this.
Raffle time, SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT gave an in-depth explanation of the T-shirt raffle prize, and I think the conclusion was that the person with the size matching the size of the T-shirt would be the winner. The most disappointed hasher was FLYING FINN, he did not fit the t-shirt and, also he did not win the much sought after “Schnell Cock”.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD iced the Hares and finally the truth was out in the open. STEPTOE had been out in the jungle laying trails for the hash when he stumbled upon DEL BOY. DEL BOY being a virgin, STEPTOE realized that meeting a virgin out in the jungle while laying trails does not happen every day, so taking advantage of his good fortune he immediately made DEL BOY his co-hare.
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER was iced together with his friend Ken. NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER woke up in a bar and went directly out to join the hash. His friend Ken had always wanted to do a porn movie in the Philippines. They both smelled like porn stars so they were in fact Brothers in Arms.
WANK-KING’S WANKER was trying to do the statistics but at this stage he admitted he was too intoxicated to add up the numbers, explaining that he had “a small problem with the database”
Hearing this GM took over the circle and made sure everybody was treated according to their actions and beliefs.
Before the final countdown of the circle, LONE WOLF made sure that LINEAR ACCELERATOR and the HULK got properly awarded for their contribution to Jesters Care for Kids.
A final word from the Beer Police Constable BLACK JUSTICE. “We are fucking running out of Leo beer” This was duly noted.
See you all next Monday
ON-ON ! Doesn’t Touch the Sides
Next week’s scribe is Pole Fucker
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 76
Hashers Present Last Week – 49
4 Paul Skinner; 486 BALL RINGER; 306 BELL END; 44 BEN 10; 29 BLACK JUSTICE; 8 BURL IVES; 63 CAMEL HUMPER; 10 CAPTAIN KIRK; 12 DEL BOY; 233 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1282 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 117 FLYING FINN; 46 FREQUENT STREAKER; 109 FUZZY LURE; 519 G.I. JOE; 179 GANGREEN; 663 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 123 HONEY BEAR; 25 JINGLE BALLS; 196 KEE MAH; 577 LADY FLIPPER; 221 LIBERACE; 70 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 62 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 9 LOVE BOAT; 136 MARATHON MAN; 7 MISUSE ME; 631 MRS. HEAD; 76 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER[ 145 NO MORE CUM; 67 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 67 POCAHONTAS; 12 POLE FUCKER; 79 RUNNING BARE; 16 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE; 188 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 582 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 597 SIR FREE WILLY; 606 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 768 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 339 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 142 STEPTOE; 308 SWEETIE; 108 TINY ANAL TORPEDO; 191 TOM BOY; 25 TWINKLE DICK; 312 VELCRO DICK; 702 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 205 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 18
3 Ken Eno; 3 Ole Kubberup; 82 HULK; 293 KARAMBA; 61 LADY GAGA; 343 LONE WOLF; 19 LOST CAUSE; 28 LUMP; 82 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 97 MENTAL DISORDER; 82 MUD CRACKER; 29 MUD’S CRACKER; 261 PELER; 278 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 38 PUSSY WHIPPED; 73 RUDI VOELLER; 44 STREET CLEANER; 45 TESTICLES
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 5
2 HOME BREW – Chiang Mai Hash, Thailand
1 K2 – Dhahran Hash, Saudi Arabia
1 SPIKE – Dhahran Hash, Saudi Arabia
1 Alex Mather – Pattaya Bush Hash, Thailand
1 SQUEEZE MY NUTS – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
Having completed 25 runs on the PH3, TWINKLE DICK is now a full member.
Virgins – 4
Leavers – 1
Anniversaries – 2
KEE MAH was awarded his 10 Hared Runs Hat
PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER was awarded his 5 Hared Runs Hat
Hash Names – 0 Events
~ none this week ~
Sinners – 0 Event
~ none this week ~
EMPEROR AIRHEAD – 22 November
G.I. JOE – 18 November
HONEY BEAR – 21 November
LONE WOLF – 24 November