Scribe Report by Sheik Meme
You’re not going to believe this, I arrived home after the Monday PH3 and not sleeping so well, I decided to scribe the events of this very run. Having completed the somewhat hilarious/informative rendition of the day’s events, spellchecked and satisfied with this masterpiece, I duly deleted the whole f@#kng thing!
So now again, somewhat completely pissed, I will attempt round two!
The Hares were KEE MAH and the ever so awkward TURD BURGLAR! Is
The previous scribe report was so much better!
I believe it started out with STUPID KRAUT K#NT arriving on the Songtouw and spilling the contents of the beer containers onto the lush countryside. Then, in an absolute act of defiance, he was a patron at the local hash bar, previously reckied it by SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD at 13:00 hours, and joined by SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER and WANK-KING’S WANKER. Now the story goes like this, STUPID KRAUT K#NT ordered a taxi for the 300 m journey back to the a site!
I cannot even read these notes!
Just prior to the first circle an enormous downpour and as our prophet and Grand Master looked towards the heavens yet again, the rain ceased!
At that same time, REAR GUNNER was putting on a gourmet spread which would delight all and sundry, but only if you’re a friend of the newly appointed Australian, SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT ! Circles within circle!
The GM gets in the Hares and speaks about the false trail marker, which was a half coconut, with two blue lines.
MR. BEAN, from somewhere in Africa gave the run a 22/26, and at that same time, the wonderful couple of VV and TAMPAX were iced for a domestic dispute whilst the GM was dealing with the Hares.
The GM then iced EMPEROR AIRHEAD for losing his spectacles, and it was enquired, how many times he has been on the ice, and the response was “I have lived on the ice since 1984!”. Kai got whacked again for spilling his empties into the pristine surroundings. HOT LIPS was quizzed about the two lines of blue paint on the half coconut, and he being a front runner, thought it was a check back! He being the only front runner now that GI JOE is in remission, was the reason it was a completely a f@#kd event for the front running bastards!
LONE WOLF was continually complaining about not a lot of Paper!
Thank God! It was time for the Raffle. And this is turning out to be the best part of the PH3…. With all due respect to EMPEROR AIRHEAD and SHEIK MEME. The Raffle Master stood like a talk-show host selling the wares that were on offer, and in hindsight, we should have sold tickets after this wonderful pseudo-infomercial of every product that SWEETIE had purchased. The only issue in this entire corrupt organisation, was SWEETIE winning prizes, and the Grand Master announcing “this nepotism must stop”.
On the subject of the Raffle, the Grand Master heroically took the last prize, which was a pink shoulder bag. The only reason that he happily accepted this completely unacceptable alpha male raffle prize, was that it gave him an opportunity to pick up the girl of his dreams, without an enormous expenditure, presenting this luxurious, could have been Gucci, pink shoulder bag.
I had much more to say in the last scribe that I wrote! If I could only find it, I would love to read it!
The illustrious legend of the hash world in EMPEROR AIRHEAD, presented our very own Grand Master, WANK-KING’S WANKER with an Airhead Award trophy, that represented his great service to our hash and community in the absence of the other fair weather grandmaster in SCAR WITH 2T’S.
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER was punished for bringing his old associate, and Japanese war hero, hasher Ken to the run, which drifted into the love life of our beloved NIGHT RIDER. This Ken guy, lives in Los Angeles, and was corrupted by the NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER, who is on the single-handed mission to supply every girl in Walking Street with as much capital resources as they require to sustain the village wherein they were born and raised! In so, every colouring in book in every school in Thailand has been supplied by the NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER !
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER was quizzed on his latest exploits with those of the opposite sex. Personally, I am unlucky enough to potentially leave a relationship twice in one’s life with much anguish and pain, and this dude does it twice a week! A further example was the NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER’s trip to Chiang Mai last week, where he went back 17 relationships, which was only three weeks, discovered a willing participant/victim, and they were not even past Bangkok before she is jumping out the window with all of her iPhones, tablets and insurance policies!
GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER gave a wonderful rendition of when STUPID KRAUT K#NT had to produce his very first scribe, and those two sat for hours transcribing/abbreviating and procrastinating about its content. It was determined that our family is a strong as it has ever been!
The awards! TINY ANAL TORPEDO received his 100 Run Survivor Shirt. STEPTOE receives an award, which is very important, but I was getting a beer at the time. TAMPAX and VV were back on the ice for yanking. The GM awarded himself a 200 Run gig, which was lacking definition and purpose!
SHEIK MEME was the next RA, and if you were not there, you missed a great evening!….. so they tell me.
The Hare Song was performed by STEPTOE , which was so good that I was embarrassed for every lady in that circle! We are such a blokes outfit these days, that if you ever think you will be laid on the Monday hash you are sadly mistaken!
Last and down downs was an exceptional group of extremely good friends, who led us all in the Hash Hymn, whilst keeping an eye on the top-heavy EBONY PRINCESS, who was lurking in the shadows, which wasn’t really that hard…… talking about hard, that Mr Bean dude!
I am to understand, that Kim Fletcher at Jameson’s turned on an absolute delight, and a gastronomical sensation for his beloved and Hash House Harrier family.
Thank you Kim, thank you Grand Master, thank you Brewmaster and thank you to entire family for making this another wonderful Monday in the scub!
ON-ON ! Sheik Meme
Next week’s scribe is Tampax
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners This Week – 62
Hashers Present Last Week – 41
2 Paal Antonsen; 95 B. B.; 175 BILLION SUCKER; 192 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 40 CHEAPER THAN MEME; 25 CRAPPER; 116 CRAZY PUSSY; 7 DEL BOY; 228 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 7 EBONY PRINCESS; 1277 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 112 FLYING FINN; 514 G.I. JOE; 174 GANGREEN; 658 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 149 HORSE; 9 HOT LIPS HOOLIGAN; 192 KEE MAH; 216 LIBERACE; 25 LORD NELSON; 15 LOST CAUSE; 181 MISSING LINK; 8 MR. BEAN; 626 MRS. HEAD; 135 PINKABOO; 217 REAR GUNNER; 167 ROBBING BASTARD; 587 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 577 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 601 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 763 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 16 SLUG; 334 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 137 STEPTOE; 301 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 191 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 303 SWEETIE; 374 TAMPAX; 167 TURD BURGLAR; 697 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 200 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 18
5 Hans Boye; 146 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 28 BULLTRACK; 269 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 328 EXTRA TESTICLE; 104 FUZZY LURE; 66 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 57 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 340 LONE WOLF; 131 MARATHON MAN; 72 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 62 POCAHONTAS; 80 RABBIT SHOOTER; 56 RASPUTIN; 74 RUNNING BARE; 159 SHEIK MEME; 319 SMILING BROWN SPIDER; 103 TINY ANAL TORPEDO
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 2
13 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE – Brunei Hash
1 Trish Barber – Unknown Hash
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 4
Anniversaries – 4
SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD was awarded 2 Free Runs for completing his 600th Run
WANK-KING’S WANKER was congratulated for completing his 200th Run
TINY ANAL TORPEDO was awarded his 100th Run T-Shirt
STEPTOE was awarded his 5th Hared Run Hat
Hash Names – 0 Events
~ none this week ~
Sinners – 0 Event
~ none this week ~
Birthdays – 0
~ none this week ~