Scribe Report by E.T.
Monday’s a hashing day. Is everybody happy? You bet your life we are. Another Monday in the Land of the Smiling Geriatrics.
Hares today: SEAL SUCKER (Kiwi) and MARATHON MAN (Aussie). The Sheep Shagger’s Run. The ride out to the A-Site was uneventful. When we got to the A-Site, SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD was going really ballistic. Apparently there was no beer bar within walking distance, there was no beer bar even within reasonable driving distance!!! He was saying, “What kind of a hare would find an A-Site without first checking to see where the nearest beer bar was?”
Anyway, I must say that in all the times I have been a Hash Scribe (not quite as many as SHEIK ME ME), I have never taken as many notes as I did on this night. I must have been motivated by last week’s Scribe, GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER. Usually I just take a few notes and then make the rest up based on my limited memory.
The run/walk: We started the run by trampling through some poor farmers tapioca field. We finished the run by trampling through the same farmers tapioca field. In the middle of the run apparently the Hares could not find any tapioca to trample, so we actually had some nice paths and trails. Actually I was not feeling 100% so I had a very interesting walk with NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER. TURD BURGLAR was just in front of us and kept up a good pace. Talking with NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER was certainly more interesting than the walk I was on. He told me he’s about to marry a girl he met in Pattaya and has known for about two weeks or so. Actually the wedding is not until next March or so, but they’re already busy planning it. KEE MAH and I phoned him last weekend and he was up in E-san visiting his girl’s parents. Somewhere between Korat and Buri Ram. Probably buying her brother a new motorcycle and the dad a new water buffalo. Or do they use tractors these days? Anyway, it was a very interesting and informative 40 minute walk. It was a very well timed walk as just as we got to the On In the front runners, V.V. and TAMPAX passed us. Good timing as the beer was on ice and very cold.
The circle: LADY FLIPPER loaned me her small chair so I could sit down to take these notes. Thank you very much, LADY FLIPPER. I must say here that between where I got off the baht bus in Pattaya and made my way to the bus station in North Pattaya, my excellent set of notes got a little wet. What do we say about the hash? Better you than me. and Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. 555. I say down. V.V. kept me company. TAMPAX furnished the light. At about 6:38, G.I. JOE says, “Form a Xxxxxxx Circle.” 55 runners. Hares on the ice. Concensus: This was a sheep shagger’s run (whatever that means). Some notable returners: CRAZY HORSE and PUSSY. No, that’s not right. HORSE and CRAZY PUSSY, WANKING, RASPUTIN, ROBBING BASTARD. SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD went on about something, but i have no idea what. The PH3 needs to consider investing some money in a megaphone or a microphone with a speaker for STEPTOE. He’s very funny and a good singer and he knows a lot of songs. Unfortunately he has a very quiet voice, like me!!!
The raffle: SQUEEZE MY TUBE, the raffle ticket seller, wins the first prize again!! Of course, she sits on the ice. It should have been in the bucket!!! PRISONER WILLY needs to do something about improving the quality of the raffle. Question: If a little Jewish boy gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar, how long do you punish him? The Anonymous R.A., who told his wife he was NOT going to the hash today, takes the circle. The Bush G.M., V.V., is iced. I guess for being the Bush G.M. I went to the toilet. When I came back, PRISONER WILLY is sitting in the bucket and G.I. JOE is looking very lonely sitting on the ice. I must have missed something. FOWL F**KER and FESTERING STREAKER are iced for talking ‘high finance’ during the circle. At this point I must have looked famished. MRS. HEAD comes around with two saltine crackers. Knowing I was the second biggest health fanatic after KARAMBA, she says, “No sugar.”. The Anonymous R.A. did a great job. Unfortunately he can not be named, hence the name Anonymous. I think he then left the circle to go sail his boat. The PH3 Court was called. V.V. and TAMPAX were the plaintiffs. LINEAR ACCELERATOR was the accused. He was later joined on the ice by SCARLET, LONE WOLF and the Anonymous R.A. They were accused of stealing a Black and Yellow HHH sign. To be continued next week.
Next Week’s Scribe: There’s a short story to be told here. Now that I’ve been retired to Cha Am for four years, I rarely get to make any big decisions. The biggest decision I make most days is whether to have marmalade or blueberry jam on my toast. So I really gave this a lot of thought. Then UNCLE PERVY‘s passing prematurely at age 66 or 67 was also on mind. Finally, I put these two together. I decided to use a little of my E.T. superpower and write an e-mail to all the PH3 hashers who have passed on to hashing heaven. I told them my plan for the next Scribe and asked their advice. I didn’t expect much, but I got a two-page reply, signed by the PH4 Committee. Apparently they’ve decided on PH4, but can not agree to a name. Some want Pattaya Heavenly Hash House Harriers and others want Pattaya Hash House Harriers in Heaven. Anyway, they all signed it. The first name was CABIN BOY’S BUM BOY (CB3). The last name on the list was UNCLE PERVY, so he’s already a committee member. Other notables: Tim ‘MAGIC‘ Highes, GROUPIE, SNOWFLAKE. For those who know nothing about the history of the PH3, MAGIC was a Bangkok hasher in the late 1970’s and early ’80’s. He was one of the founders of the PH3. Before his death, he also started publishing a monthly magazine about hashing. Upon his death, this was resurrected by Jim Edens. Most of you know Jim as BIMBO and the magazine continues today as the Harrier Magazine. Anyway, with a little help from the PH4, next week’s Scribe is SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD. Maybe he’ll also honor us with a joke or a song!!!
G.I. JOE the new R.A. He awards Hash Crash to JACKAL. JACKAL claims one of his imaginery friends tripped him.
The circle is closed at about 8 o’clock. MRS. HEAD leads us in the Hash Hymn. This is the first time I’ve ever seen MARATHON MAN at a Monday Hash after about 7pm. SEAL SUCKER must have been off looking for a cute sheep for the night.
On the baht bus ride back into Pattaya, FOWL F**KER asks me a couple of times if I’m going to change clothes for the bus ride back to Bangkok. Finally I have to tell him, My name’s E.T., not Paris Hilton.” Anyway, I thought I looked rather fashionable in my very bright orange Vientianne H3 t-shirt and my equally bright yellowish-lime green PH3 shorts with my elastic knee bandage fashionably around my left ankle.
On – on to Run #1594. By the way, I gave my e-mail from the PH4 to our loveable and sometimes a little bit crazy G.M., WANK-KING’S WANKER. So maybe you’ll all get to read it some time.
Subject: Next Week’s Scribe
Great to hear from you. And great that you are still running with the PH3. You wanted some help choosing the Scribe for next week. We’ll get to that, but first we wanted to tell you something about Hashing in Heaven.
When you get up here, you’ll love it. All the trails are short and flat. The beer is cold and the Harriettes are young and hot! And it just got even better. Last week Uncle Pervy brought 12 bottles of home-brewed beer to the run for all of us to drink after the run. Best beer in Heaven. Jesus still can’t go hashing, for all the reasons you already know. But when Bangka Blower gets his ass up here, he’s ready to sign on as a sponsor. The Number 1 song up here every week on the Billboard Chart is what else? Free Beer for all the Hashers.
The Scribe for next week. Bring Spaghetti Head in. If he sits in the bucket, give it to one of the other four. If he chooses to stand, he’s the Scribe.
The PH4 Committee
- Cabin Boy’s Bum Boy
- Fuck and Forget
- ‘Magic’ Hughes
- Spunk Bubble
- Terminal Four
- Uncle Pervy
Two things from ‘Magic’
BB. You’re still on for next run. If you don’t make it, don’t worry. T4 and Uncle Pervy will fill in for you. Who the fuck is this Spaghetti Head guy?
Lastly, Groupie and Uncle Pervy have already started working on a Full Moon Hash and the first run will be when they figure out whenever they figure out when the full moon is up here.
On-on and keep hashing
The PH4 Hashing Committee
ON- ON ! E.T.
Next week’s scribe is Sir Spaghetti Head
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week – 55
Hashers Present Last Week – 41
7 Darren Graham; 2 Zachary Green; 2 Laura lee Hives; 478 BALL RINGER; 232 CRACK MY COCCYX; 21 CRAPPER; 3 DEL BOY; 107 DIZZY; 266 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 325 EXTRA TESTICLE; 343 FESTERING STREAKER; 390 FOWL FUCKER; 510 G.I. JOE; 170 GANGREEN; 654 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 64 GOLDEN DILDO; 48\ GOLDEN WATERFALL; 188 KEE MAH; 569 LADY FLIPPER; 212 LIBERACE; 63 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 337 LONE WOLF; 128 MARATHON MAN; 622 MRS. HEAD; 260 PELER; 81 SCARLET; 175 SEAL SUCKER; 583 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 589 SIR FREE WILLY; 597 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 759 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 330 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 133 STEPTOE; 297 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 299 SWEETIE; 432 TADPOLE; 370 TAMPAX; 173 TRY-A-FUCK; 164 TURD BURGLAR; 50 VASELINE THIGHS; 693 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 196 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 12
26 BANANAS; 112 CRAZY PUSSY; 224 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 145 HORSE; 143 JACKAL; 69 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 79 RABBIT SHOOTER; 53 RASPUTIN; 163 ROBBING BASTARD; 156 SHEIK MEME; 161 UP THE BUTT; 31 WANKING
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 1
6 HOT LIPS HOOLIGAN – Bangkok Hash, Thailand
Virgins – 0
~none this week~
Leavers – 1
Anniversaries – 0
~ none this week ~
Hash Names – 0 Events
~ none this week ~
Sinners – 2 Events
HORSE – Hash Trash – Throwing water bottle into the first circle.
JACKAL – Hash Crash – Falling on his arse on the trail.
Birthdays – 0
~ none this week ~