Scribe Report by Sheik Meme
SPAGHETTI HEAD and DIZZY, you knew that it had to be good!
The a site was in the picturesque Silver Lake area, soon to be an outer metropolis of Pattaya, with developers keen to destroy the natural beauty out along Buddha Mountain Road.
The PH3 had never ventured in this particular area before as we didn’t have the expert negotiation skills of MRS HEAD at our disposal, who had arranged with many of the landowners whose ground be trampled to allow us through “farang wing wing” and all that stuff! She must be happy that SPAGHETTI HEAD is like a new man now, and can’t imagine what that poor lady has had to put up with!
It was Veterans’ Day, and it was only fitting that SPAGHETTI HEAD was in control, as he owns the PH3 Veterans Run which is an annual event where we remember, but more to the point, if you have run more than half the runs in the past year you save 350 baht if you’re a bloke and 150 if you’re bird, but we only have one of those in HONEY BEAR and she didn’t make it! LONE WOLF did, and he even acted surprised that he didn’t have to fork out 350 baht!
Prior to the PH3 gang arriving, at around 1300 hours, it rained like heck, and DIZZY and SPAGHETTI HEAD were reaching to the medication that you take at that point in your life, however to no avail, as the Strata Cumulus cell passed through without interrupting our intrepid hares any further. Disappointing for DIZZY as he was planning to do the long version of “Singing in the Rain”.
The a site was situated inside a soon to be walled city, with a gate and a paved road that wound down to the lake and something that you would expect to see at Lake Como in Italy! The signup table and our favourite ambassador from Bergen in LIBERACE and the former insurance and nutter from the UK in BALL RINGER greeting us with their smiling pre-dispositions. Not taking a lot of money due to the 29 out of 46 Veterans!
I saw a comment just the other day where the question was asked, “what would you do if you won the lottery”, and our favourite son in PINGPONG PETE from New York replied “move to Thailand”, and the other comment came from CHICKEN FUCKER who said if he won the lottery, he would move out of Thailand! Well, the eager anticipation of SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT (the best Brewmaster and most handsome man… apparently) as he is doing just that! Winging his way to Australia to live the life of luxury and excess with PISS POORER, KAM and CAPTAIN KANGAROO. These fellow travelers in life will entertain our Brewmaster with the utmost of Australian hospitality. The CAPTAIN KANGAROO, steers his office into Sydney at exactly the same time as SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT seated in row 74F on a Philippine Airlines 60-year-old rattler. Once on the ground however, the BOTTOMLESS PIT will emerge to be greeted by The CAPTAIN KANGAROO in full pompous regalia and to expeditiously escort our Brewmaster through customs and immigration and into a life of debauchery, whiskey and sleep deprivation.
The run as you would expect was a huge success, transiting some beautiful country and the hares introducing some rather extreme sections where you knew to be a PH3 hasher, you had to be tough! They introduced a walkers section, which BB stood contemplating and came to the conclusion as many others did, that the rest of the run would have to be good and we didn’t want to miss what these two infamous hares had conjured up.
Bit of confusion toward the end of the run and many took the option of the road home to the cold beer as opposed to recovering the out trail.
The “first runner in” before the first beer is drunk scenario is working swimmingly, with the exceptions of REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD who will watch the in-trail like a mother will watch out for her infant in a stampede of buffalo in an effort to spot CABBAGE HEAD at full steam!
It was so good to have GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER back after his foray with ISIS near Fallujah where he narrowly escaped death, not once but ten times. Two of those escapes was avoiding being beheaded and the eight was enduring the absence of any booze for two months! Deadly! And he looked worse for wear only having stumbled off the kerosene burner less than 48 hours before we heard “Circle In 5 Minutes”! If it was not a Veterans Run, GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER would have said “stick it up your arse”, and slept till Wednesday, however he had to keep his eye on the other veteran in SPAGHETTI HEAD as they are both the standard hares on the Veterans Run.
Talking about Veterans, our heart felt condolences goes out to UNCLE PERVY’s (Ernie Baake) Family for that sad loss of a Brother and to all of us that loved him dearly. We loved ya Man!
Breaking with tradition, the GM demanded the Hare Song immediately after the Raffle and SPAGHETTI HEAD and DIZZY were joined by BB in the recital of the “Monday is a hashing day…Tuesday’s a wanking day……you bet your life we are…….”. The Ladies enjoyed that snippet of entertainment before heading back to the grazing mats. SPAGHETTI HEAD struggled with the twirl bit and looked like a typewriter with Tourette’s syndrome!
That WHOREDINI nut case found himself in the bucket at least ten times and went a long way to keeping the circle quiet. That very same nutter got lost with the JAILBAIT chap that looked like a cross between a tattoo parlour and a human being! Anyway, the nutted comes in from the run minutes before the circle started and was bewildered that there was no chips available for him! What planet…………..?
Talking about planet’s, SIR FREE WILLY was up to his old tricks again and self appointed the roll of appointing the scribe, and in his feeble defence, it was noted that the MENTAL DISORDER, while handing over the position of acting Hareraiser and Beer Police co-ordinator, also included scribe and SFW was not notified. It was pointed out that MENTAL DISORDER was a organic megalomaniac and SFW was ordered to stand down from that line of attempted infiltration. He is however doing a great job as acting Hareraiser and booze security co-ordinator (what do we call that job?) After all that, and the deserver’ed time SFW endured in the bucket for his misdemeanour, his choice of scribe, being the weary, albeit alive, GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER
That Gerry guy who looks like he has way to much time on his hands and a healthy budget for steroids was aptly named HOT LIPS HOOLIGAN by SHEIK MEME! Hasher Russell, the seismologist was overlooked for a name once again, as he is a pretty important … (sht, nearly said it), guy, and we will definitely give him a horrible name for life next week!
We were reminded by BB that BALL RINGER’s little cherub BEN10 (who names their fkn kid BEN10!) has already got thirty five runs, never been on trail and will be a Sir, sitting in the circle in a fkn high chair by age 5!
We don’t usually do returners, however breaking with tradition again and trying to waste more beer, recognised was DIZZY, who only lives down the road and is still pissed off with SEAMAN STAINS, for I guess being SEAMAN STAINS. KEE MAH was back, escaping the Canadian winter. Remember the last time he went back, he left Thailand with a passport and air ticket, gets to Quebec, and realised the keys to his house(s), cars, offices and banking stuff was all in Na Jomtien! He flew back the next day, classic fk up! TOY BOY was a returner! POT MY BROWN PIPE was also, but with a name like that, no eye contact!
CABBAGE HEAD frightened all the kids when he iced all those that may have been responsible for pissing on the Temple in his back yard, when they returned for refreshments after last weeks run and in this order the suspects were: TAMPAX, SCARLET, LINEAR ACCELERATOR, LONE WOLF or SHEIK MEME. MEME was seen and heard civilly asking his hosts if he had permission to relieve himself in the inner water closet. Anyway, CABBAGE HEAD woke the next day with an ear ache, totally unrelated to his headache and he was trying to pin the blame somewhere, however it fell on deaf/drunk ears!
On Ya hares! Great Day! See Ya Ernie, were gonna miss ya!
ON- ON ! Sheik Meme
Next week’s scribe is General Kidney Wiper
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week – 55
Hashers Present Last Week – 34
5 Russ Blohm; 91 B. B.; 476 BALL RINGER; 298 BELL END; 36 BEN 10; 193 CABBAGE HEAD; 302 CABBAGE QUEEN; 19 CRAPPER; 223 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 323 EXTRA TESTICLE; 168 GANGREEN; 120 HONEY BEAR; 5 HOT LIPS HOOLIGAN; 567 LADY FLIPPER; 210 LIBERACE; 61 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 335 LONE WOLF; 10 LOST CAUSE; 126 MARATHON MAN; 620 MRS. HEAD; 79 SCARLET; 155 SHEIK MEME; 581 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 574 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 587 SIR FREE WILLY; 595 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 295 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 297 SWEETIE; 430 TADPOLE; 368 TAMPAX; 284 TREE FROG; 691 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 194 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 8 WHOREDINI
Returners – 18
2 Geoff Hewitt; 188 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 230 CRACK MY COCCYX; 106 DIZZY; 264 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 508 G.I. JOE; 652 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 46 GOLDEN WATERFALL; 186 KEE MAH; 59 LADY GAGA; 68 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 274 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 8 POT MY BROWN PIPE; 78 RABBIT SHOOTER; 677 SIR DOG; 757 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 328 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 171 TRY-A-FUCK
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 2
12 TOY BOY – Jebel Hash, Oman
1 Steven Abbott – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 1
SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT
Anniversaries – 1
CABBAGE QUEEN was presented with her 300th Run T-Shirt
Hash Names – 1 Event
Gerry Escarfullery was given the Hash Name HOT LIPS HOOLIGAN
Sinners – 0 Events
~ but you know it’s just a matter of time ~
~ none this week ~