Scribe Report by Cabbage Head
On Saturday afternoon I was sitting on my porch relaxing with a cold beer when the phone rang and my weekend was ruined. The call was from SIR FREE WILLY saying SEAGULL SHIT has gone up country and was supposed to be Scribe on Monday and seeing as you haven’t done one for a while would you oblige. I had to disagree with his statement as I have already done 2 Scribes this year, having attended about half of the runs, I would say it is not a bad average. OK, it is not quite as many as SHEIK MEME but considering the amount of sign ups, everyone should really be doing a Scribe annually at the most. If anyone is not happy reading about my whinge, put your hand up and get scribing, after all if you want to read a scribe, you should be prepared to write one.
Fast forward to Monday and as I was driving through the rubbish tip, I clearly remembered SFW saying last year, he would not be using this A-site again. Any thoughts of complaining were soon forgotten when I saw the buckets full of imported beers and ciders sponsored by the hares. Our GM WANK-KING’S WANKER called the unruly mob to order and got the show on the road. Some old new shoes were christened then the Hares SFW and LADY FLIPPER on in to brief us on their Anniversary Run.
The pack followed the creek to the south and along the streets to Sukhumvit Road and the first check where the sticks had been stolen. On on to the North along the main road then cut through a field to the fetid stench of elephant dung where we lost paper. The pack were milling around the Elephant Park scratching their heads for a while before we eventually found paper heading back to Sukhumvit. I think most of the pack short cut back to the A-Site at this point but I persisted along with TADPOLE and GI JOE. We trotted through the fields, across Second Road twice eventually ending up on Jomtien Beach Road. We ran right to the end at Lung Wai Seafood then sharp left then right to the on in. I decided to cut through by La Royale to avoid the liquid raw sewage on the road to the A-Site, scrambling over rocks, sneaking though someone’s garden and back to the beach where most were already stuck into the imported booze. Delicious homemade sausage rolls & spaghetti were provided courtesy of the Hares and cooked by CABBAGE QUEEN, live music from TAMPAX & HONEY BEAR set the mood for a real good drunkening.
Circle time and our Hares were made comfortable on the ice and informed us they were celebrating (or commiserating) 29 years of Marriage. LADY FLIPPER deserves a medal. SFW went on to ask his usual Jewish Marriage Tradition question and reluctantly awarded a bottle of wine to his good buddy SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD. Raffle time and the most notable event was that SQUEEZE MY TUBE won 4 times but only claimed 2 prizes, Hash Hero. EMPEROR AIRHEAD appraised the run and pointed out that it didn’t really matter that the A-Site was a dump, the run featured a record amount of manure and few people completed the trail as we were by the sea and more importantly, we got free food and loads of good booze. NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER was awarded Hash Trash for ditching a bottle top. He was later given Double Hash Trash when he dropped a can after winning the raffle then tried to discreetly kick it out of sight.
The scribe for next week was to be decided by the best excuse for not doing it by SIR RSB, LONE WOLF, BB, 1/4-POUNDER WITH CHEESE. SFW was the winner and joined his mate RSB in the bucket. RSB exited sharply and dropped into the Beer Bucket and I am certain he managed to smuggle a couple of bottles out in his brown pocket. BB did a turn followed by SHEIK MEME and you may notice everything is now more vague and less detailed for some reason. BARNACLE BOLLOX took care of the Hare’s Song followed by the Hare’s Song by BARNACLE BOLLOX. Clearly I am not the only one who suffers from Alcozeimers. Hash Hymn with the final verse quarter speed, on-on to the TQ or standing around the beer truck discussing 2 wheeled tractors versus real motorbikes.
ON-ON! Cabbage Head
Next week’s scribe is Sir Free Willy
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week – 62
Hashers Present Last Week – 37
4 Ngamta Blohn; 143 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 85 B. B.; 470 BALL RINGER; 293 BELL END; 31 BEN 10; 188 CABBAGE HEAD; 297 CABBAGE QUEEN; 1272 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 503 G.I. JOE; 162 GANGREEN; 114 HONEY BEAR; 77 HULK; 561 LADY FLIPPER; 204 LIBERACE; 329 LONE WOLF; 7 MASTER CHEF; 78 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 92 MENTAL DISORDER; 614 MRS. HEAD; 63 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 258 PELER; 36 PUSSY WHIPPED; 170 SEAL SUCKER; 47 SEXY BUM; 149 SHEIK MEME; 7 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 568 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 581 SIR FREE WILLY; 589 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 752 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 323 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 289 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 42 SUZY WONG; 291 SWEETIE; 425 TADPOLE; 188 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 20
4 Tananis Cherdchoo; 5 Mutchima Pheuphurn; 7 Kim Sakariassen; 187 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 152 BARNACLE BOLLOX; 172 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 56 CAMEL HUMPER; 54 DESERT SCORPION; 86 DIRT DIGGER; 206 DOG LICKS ITS DICK; 34 ICE BUTT BUNNY; 109 KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR; 56 LADY GAGA; 120 MARATHON MAN; 54 PISS POORER; 210 REAR GUNNER; 49 SCRAPPY DOO; 77 SIMONE EBOLA; 364 TAMPAX; 687 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 4
1 SPIKES – Adelaide Hash, Australia
7 HANDYMAN – Ludvika Hash, Sweden
11 I’M A FUCKING CUPCAKE – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
5 MR TINKLE – Phnom Penh Hash, Cambodia
Virgins – 1
Jack Shook, jr
Leavers – 1
Anniversaries – 5
SIR FREE WILLY was congratulated for 40 Hared Runs
LADY FLIPPER was congratulated for 30 Hared Runs
DOG LICKS ITS DICK was awarded his 200th Run Mug
DESERT SCORPION was awarded her 50th Run Mug
CAMEL HUMPER was congratulated on completing 50 Runs
Hash Names – 0 Events
~ none this week ~
Sinners – 1 Event
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER – Hash Trash – for littering a pristine A-Site.
Birthdays – 1
GANGREEN – July 21st