Scribe Report by Sheik Meme
I encourage you, if you haven’t read the last week’s Scribe by the HULK, you should! With English not being used first language, he has done a marvelous job. Appointing me (SHEIK MEME) as this week’s Scribe was a democratic process lead by the HULK, however next week’s Scribe, is SEAGULL SHIT, who was not democratically chosen because I told him so!
Upon arrival at the wonderful Scandi A-Site, one couldn’t help but notice SUZIE WONG, SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT and the HULK huddled into a corner, clad in black, red and yellow from head to toe, dribbling incoherently, apparently after zero sleep and copious amounts of alcohol, having waited 24 years for their beloved Germany to instil pride once again. Such was the pride, I did not hear one word of English spoken and even suggested to the Grand Master, that out of respect, we should possibly conduct the entire circle in German! You know it’s hard to contain a winner’s enthusiasm!
It was great to see DIRTY HARRY back with his tribe from Ghent, and with four young fertile minds it was strikingly evident that SIR FREE WILLY, who plays the long game, pounced upon the opportunity to preach and sow the seeds of indoctrination which he will call upon when he is the Joint Grand Master in 2028!
For all you avid readers, we have discovered that the pineapple truck is no more! The Black Pearl is still out of service, and the Songtaws are proving quite adequate in addition to saving the club small money in the low season.
Time for the new shoes, and HONEY BEAR was looking absolutely brand-new from the knees down. She was sporting those gay plastic shin covers which flowed into and being colour-coordinated with the recently extorted new shoes.
We had two Virgins, Jeb and June who emerged from DIRTY HARRY‘s automobile and look so hot, it was determined you had to be a movie director to afford them! LONE WOLF with his tongue hanging out continuously referred to them as June and July! Must be a calendar thing!
We are all so excited, as in the next two weeks, we have two special runs, in the SIR FREE WILLY / LADY FLIPPER Anniversary Run and The Aussie Run. Two small details, one is that SIR DOG, has done all but one of the Aussie runs, missing out on the very first run in 1999. The second is, out of the 132 beers that SIR FREE WILLY and LADY FLIPPER will provide on next week’s run, 110 of those are unique. A taste bud sensation, one would imagine!
The Run was hared by NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and LINEAR ACCELERATOR, and boy oh boy we knew it was going to be a sensational run or a complete disaster! Sensational country that they had to play with, and learning that the trail was only six and a half kilometers, the pack headed out with such enthusiasm and energy that even CABBAGE HEAD was within sight to BALL RINGER for a good part of the early goings. Coming to the first check, straight ahead, second check, straight ahead, third check, you guessed it, straight ahead. In actual fact, every check was straight ahead! So that is how easy it is to lay a good run, one big circle and a few checks, although the intellectual CABBAGE HEAD worked it out very early and made it back to the A-Site twenty minutes before anybody else!
Having arrived at the A-Site exhausted and spent, it was discovered that the NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and LINEAR ACCELERATOR had forgotten to organise any fruit or salt bearing potatoes. Disaster was only averted with the knowledge that the Brew Master had supplied some of the world’s best Apple cider as a gift from Germany having established themselves as the world’s best football players. Nonetheless, the girls who went to fetch the fruit and chips, had to go almost back to Pattaya to find the necessary post run expectations, and it was noted, by the return most people were on their fourth beer and was not too excited about pineapple!
Sunday was SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD‘s Birthday, and we worked very hard not to mention it in the circle. In saying that, everybody thinks SPAG is 92, so you will be pleasantly surprised that he is only 71 and we wish him a belated Happy Birthday and all the very best for the year ahead! Now, SPAG‘s inquisitive mind, spotted some laundry hanging amongst the trees, the fact that the garment was pink set off some sort of fire in SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD‘s brain. That man is a homophobic misogynist and that’s why we love him! SPAG can spot a Fag, don’t you worry about that!
The latter section of the run went through the Monk’s Retreat and may have been marginally inconsiderate of the PH3 to have done that, and the ever so diplomatic SQUEEZE MY TUBE had dragged GI JOE before the Monks, on their knees in reverence whilst SIR DOG is sorting out the Monks electricity bill.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD was interviewing Linda and Eric from Norway, who were sponsored by SIR DOG some weeks earlier and have proven to be great hashers, running up front and drinking lots of beer. This is now how people are named on the PH3, a private ten minute interview with EMPEROR AIRHEAD, he chooses your name and asked you whether you like it and when you agree it is just confirmed in the circle. So the lovely Linda received her hash name, NORWEGIAN STAR (I would be pissed off as it sounds like a ship!), in private at the back of the beer truck! In fact, I had it written in my notes an hour before the Hash Name was actually given.
Thomas Gregory huh? An AIRHEAD special child part of the Belgian youth sponsored by DIRTY HARRY, incidentally his name was once Harry Potter which reflected his Vespa, then when DIRTY HARRY was born, a string of Harley-Davidsons, Ducatis, firearms, dealerships, clubhouses, booze and cafes were born also, and now the DIRTY HARRY legend lives on. In his own mind of course!
Whilst the naming interviews were taking place, the Seagull Family were also included and it was such a shame that a special naming ceremony was taking place without Uncle Bernie! Nonetheless, the girls were only interested in “put daddy in the bucket!”. However, they will now be known on the PH3 as BLUE BUNNY and SWEET BUNNY.
LIBERACE was hauled in to be presented with an aforementioned award the previous week, on which LONE WOLF was tested, which LONE WOLF didn’t have a clue, and even from the ice his memory failed to recall what great achievement LIBERACE was being awarded, finishing off with “I couldn’t give a fk”, which is what one says when they are defeated and defenceless on the ice! Nonetheless, LIBERACE achieved his 200 Run Shirt.
SEAGULL SHIT has been running the Pattaya on Monday Hash since 1998 and he today achieved 200 Runs! Sammy is not a small man and it took two people to carry the biggest shirt we have ever made which we are sure SEAGULL SHIT will proudly wear.
SHEIK MEME took the circle for way too long and of course the Germans were given their moment in the spotlight being part of the mob who are the best football players in the world. The Hares looked like something out of Woodstock by about this time.
The nomad with the big voice, BB, also had a stint in the circle which is always entertaining. You can imagine that guy as an Able Seaman on P&O cruise ship, shagging his way around the planet, avoiding the Bosuns Mate and Captain for several years living the life of Riley and never once getting a dose of the clap, because he always had it!
Congratulations again to the Brew Master and his friend from Germany, HELLBOY (that’s another one who went from the Vespa to the Harley after a name change), will wake up from celebrations by Saturday.
The Hash Hynm was led by CABBAGE HEAD, who selected his own victims to instruct the troops. Leading us this week at double speed at one point.
A great day, looking forward to The Aussie Run.
ON-ON! Sheik Meme
Next week’s scribe is Seagull Shit
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week – 61
Hashers Present Last Week – 45
4 Eirik Ellingsen; 24 Sawn Morya; 142 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 469 BALL RINGER; 292 BELL END; 30 BEN 10; 173 BILLION SUCKER; 30 BLUE BUNNY; 187 CABBAGE HEAD; 296 CABBAGE QUEEN; 7 DANGER GIRL; 1271 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 502 G.I. JOE; 161 GANGREEN; 137 HONEY BUNNY; 76 HULK; 519 LADY BOW WOW; 560 LADY FLIPPER; 203 LIBERACE; 55 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 328 LONE WOLF; 6 MASTER CHEF; 77 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 91 MENTAL DISORDER; 613 MRS. HEAD; 62 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 3 NORWEGIAN STAR; 257 PELER; 35 PUSSY WHIPPED; 203 SEAGULL SHIT; 169 SEAL SUCKER; 46 SEXY BUM; 148 SHEIK MEME; 6 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 567 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 672 SIR DOG; 580 SIR FREE WILLY; 588 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 751 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 322 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 288 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 41 SUZY WONG; 27 SWEET BUNNY; 290 SWEETIE; 187 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 13
3 Ngamta Blohn; 4 Thomas Claeys; 2 Reinhold Colpaert; 3 Andreas Petri; 84 B. B.; 46 CABBAGE PATCH; 99 DIRTY HARRY; 261 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 43 GOLDEN WATERFALL; 14 HARRY’S PORN STAR; 113 HONEY BEAR; 6 PLASTER MY ARSE; 424 TADPOLE
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 0
~ none this week ~
Virgins – 3
Leavers – 1
Anniversaries – 2
LIBERACE was awarded his 200th Run T-Shirt
SEAGULL SHIT was awarded his 200th Run T-Shirt
Hash Names – 3 Events
Amanda Nilsen was give the Hash Name SWEET BUNNY
Nicole Nilsen was given the Hash Name BLUE BUNNY
Linda Ellingsen was given the Hash Name NORWEGIAN STAR
Sinners – 0 Events
~~ but just a matter of time ~~.
~~ none this week ~~