Scribe Report by Mrs. Head
Well FOSSIL, I have been chasing after you for damn close to 12 years now and I have finely caught up to you! If you were still running with the PH3, I would still be trying to catch you! You set the standard for the great PH3 lady runners of the past! To name a few: remember – SLOWFLY, BALOOT, POKE HER HAUNCHES, MISS CHIVAS, SWEET SQUEEZE, EWOK, BUTTERFLY TIGER, MISS KENTUCKY, ROTTWEILER, QUEEN STELLA, TADPOLE, and of course SNOW FLAKE?
Now, very few of the PH3 hash ladies continue to run! Only TADPOLE and I can be seen running the trails of the PH3 on a fairly regular basis. My intent, at this time, is to continue running with the Monday Hash and to increase the total number of runs that the senior active female has achieved! I feel that the senior PH3 female should attempt to raise the bar to the 700 run level or above! I will try my best!
Damn, SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD volunteered me to do this week’s scribe report and now he wants me to even type it out! He knows that even though I went to Business College, I’m a “hunt and pecker” when it comes to typing! Oh well, I better get my butt in gear and get this report going! It’s going to take me all day! I know, I have nothing to do and all day to do it!
A very small turnout for today’s run! The summer GM, “the WANKER”, is trying to say that there are too many hashes in the local area which causes the low turnout problem! I think that it is just that some individual’s need to take a break from the rigors of hashing every now and then! Oh well, he is under a little pressure to perform anytime that SCAR is on vacation! I guess I’ll just let ride!
All of the men hashers were very quiet until TADPOLE peddled her bike into the circle area! Was it the tight biking attire that she was wearing or was it the new training bike she was riding that made the men turn their heads? Well TADPOLE, be elated that you can still turn the men’s heads when you arrive at the hash! Sorry YAO-YAO you missed it all!
A quick circle was called to welcome one new female to our group prior to the Hares explaining their run! VASELINE THIGHS led the small pack of “true Monday runners” out the dirt road and up the slight dirt incline calling ON-0N. I followed, at the back of the pack, riding TADPOLE’S bike to see if I could get the same attention she received when she was riding it! All to no avail! VASELINE THIGHS led the runners, following the proper trail, all the way around the lake and back into the A-site. He was closely followed by SHEIK ME ME, and PISS ON IT! The remainder of the male pack, stayed directly behind – (I mean in back of) TADPOLE until they arrived at the circle site! G.I. JOE is still playing “trail sweeper” during his slow recovery from a nagging leg injury.
The circle was called by the GM who iced SIR FREE WILLY and BALL RINGER for not being ready to start the circle on time! Today’s hares were iced and SFW was given the opportunity to ‘prance around’ the circle with ‘what we thought was the hare’s song’ – we were not so lucky, as the real hare’s song followed later! ANFI clarified that FW’s prance around the circle was really the ‘’exercise routine” that he adhered to while incarcerated and that the small circle area tonight drove him to do it! Flash backs can happen at any time! Don’t laugh!
SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT conducted tonight’s raffle – winners were: IM LAO, GKW, HULK, SPERM POLUTTER, TRY-A-F—K, SQUEEZE MY TUBE, SHEIK ME ME, and PISS ON IT. Thanks to everyone who purchased tickets! EMPEROR AIRHEAD – iced the hares and pronounced a good run. It should be noted that today’s hares filled in at short notice! Thanks guys! Great Job! The EMPEROR had NA HE MAN and his new lady in the circle to welcome NA HE MAN back and to thank him for bringing a new lady hasher to the PH3.
Next, the continuing saga and exploits of NIGHT RIDER were revealed to today’s attending hashers! It was disclosed that he now has more money than the recently disposed leader of Thailand! It seems that if you are of the female gender and are “down and out” bring your troubles, household goods, damaged vehicles and those you also damaged, along with your tears, bank statements, and a certified letter from your father, to NIGHT RIDER who will fix everything overnight! Money is no problem with him! To make NIGHT RIDER happy and send him on his way to “tonight’s counseling session” he was given his “FIFTY RUN” MUG! Was it to drink out of or cry into? Congratulations and good luck!
SIR FREE WILLY entered and attempted to sing a song that made ‘SEAMAN STAINS” noted for. Thank GOD he kept it short, skipped verses, and quickly realized that he should just quit!
SHIEK ME ME commented that today’s run was the longest run that he has run in the last 3 years. He finished with the top group of runners by never did catch PISS ON IT before the end. Not too bad for an “old man” who finds it easier walking on a “racing boat” than walking into TQ2. The WANKER was iced because he inadvertently left his shirt laying on the beach in Rayong! WANKER you can tell the story correctly now! You deliberately left it lying in the sand to see if someone would pick it up, wash it, and return it to you! And damn if someone didn’t do just that!
NA HE MAN and MENTAL DISORDER iced – it seems that they formed a bond stretching from Thailand to Africa for late this year. I’m taking bets as to who will sell the other to the natives! Odds are 10 to 1 now! Hurry and place your bets. Poor WINGNUT – iced because he had to sit in the bucket when he has over 700 runs! Damn we’re sorry! Pattaya tradition says, ‘you are in titled to sit when you have obtained 500 runs’ with the Pattaya Hash. Quit crying, you got a beer and a free ass wash complements of the PH3. Hope you enjoyed yourself! Come back and join us anytime! Birthday wishes to our new hasher CHAMPOO! Welcome! G.I. JOE lead the Hash Hymn after all down–downs were consumed. Another great night of Pattaya Hashing is in the record books. See everyone next week!
PS – FOSSIL, I’ve enjoyed running in your footsteps over the past 12 years. Please come and visit your hash brothers and sisters if you can fit it into your schedule! We would love to have you visit! Take care!
On-On ! Mrs. Head
Next week’s scribe is Sheik Meme
—– STATS REPORT —–
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week – 46
Hashers Present Last Week – 31
134 ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA; 460 BALL RINGER; 215 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1263 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 256 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 495 G.I. JOE; 155 GANGREEN; 644 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 105 HONEY BEAR; 27 IM LAO; 551 LADY FLIPPER; 50 LADY GAGA; 194 LIBERACE; 322 LONE WOLF; 71 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 83 MENTAL DISORDER; 604 MRS. HEAD; 46 MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I’M GAY; 53 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 251 PELER; 569 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 559 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 571 SIR FREE WILLY; 579 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 743 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 315 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 280 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 281 SWEETIE; 165 TRY-A-FUCK; 678 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 178 WANK-KING’S WANKER
Returners – 13
4 Annie Nangtharach; 183 1/4 POUNDER WITH CHEESE; 284 BELL END; 22 BEN 10; 26 BULLTRACK; 39 GOLDEN WATERFALL; 72 HULK; 34 NA HEE MAN; 12 PISS ON IT; 144 SHEIK MEME; 29 SPERM POLLUTER; 423 TADPOLE; 42 VASELINE THIGHS
Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 1
2 WINGNUT – Panguna Hash, Papua New Guinea
Virgins – 1
Leavers – 0
~ none this week ~
Anniversaries – 1
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER was presented with his 50th Run Mug
Hash Names – 0 Events
~ none this week ~
Sinners – 0 Events
Birthdays – 1
STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS – 16th May