Scribe Report by Doesn’t Touch the Sides
The annual Loi Krathong Run, I had been looking forward to this event for years and now, finally the day was here. Driving out to the A-site with mounting excitement and arriving at this beautiful site I realized at that time that all my dreams had come through. But this was soon going to change!
Trying to find a spot to park my car I was bullied around by Robbing Bastard, and when I finally found the right place, Black Hole told me to drive out again and turn the car around. After wheeling and dealing with the car and thinking everything was fine, I realized that I had ended up in a food market stall area with Horse’s pickup having been turned into a fast-food street vendor truck. And away they went, my wishes for a quiet moment trying to get myself in the mental state for the tasks ahead.
So, the first circle started, with the traditional greetings and celebration of virgins and new shoes. But with my own eyes I saw 2 guys hiding behind the beer truck with the newest shoes I have ever come upon. I tried to get the GM’s attention but in the general confusion in the circle this was impossible.
Another thing I would like to mention, and it happened just before the on out. VV was having a heated discussion with Emperor Airhead regarding the Krathong VV had brought for the competition. Emperor Airhead pointed out that no Krathongs with plastic were allowed to be entered in the competition. VV argued that his Krathong certainly was not made of plastic since plastic disintegrates in the sun and pointed out that he had used his Krathong for the last 7 years without any problem. In the end he got so frustrated that he was seen throwing away his Krathong in the bushes.
Just after the on out I also heard Wank-King’s Wanker whisper to Ball Ringer: “I am good, baby”. Does anybody knows what he meant by this?
The run was laid out in a very nice area but with a lot of paper stash around. Running through the paper lanes Lone Wolf made a reference to the hares making an alliance with Rupert Murdock and his coloured press. By the end of the run I got to feel the frustration of VV and his Krathong as he had to take it out on someone, and coming on me from behind he pushed me into the creek. And I got all wet and muddy.
As it was getting dark we all prepared for the second circle. Sir Bottomless Pit told me he would provide me with enough light so I could see what I was writing, but I am not sure it made any difference as it is all a mess anyway.
And then: Achtung, Achtung. Raffle time. Sir Bottomless Pit did an excellent job and pointed out that the winners were all Germans, American-Germans, Australian-Germans, English-Germans, Thai- Germans and German- Germans. What a nice simplified view of the world. I wish we were all there.
Emperor Airhead was handed the circle and the virgins were called for. After a detailed explanation about mother hash and so on Scar With Two T’s told me about when he lost his virginity. It was a totally different story than what was going on in the circle. So I was not sure what to believe. Then it was time for the major event of the evening. The Krathong competition. As briefly mentioned earlier VV was disqualified, and that left only three male competitors along with the females. Wank-King’s Wanker, Mud Cracker and Sir Free Willy. Wank-King’s Wanker was quickly dismissed as his Krathong looked like it was made by a blind man. Mud Cracker’s Krathong was the smallest Krathong to be entered and to his defense he stated that size is not important. Maybe he was right because Sir Free Willy had the largest Krathong and we could all see that he had a hard time getting it up. Eventually the results of the competition were announced, and guess what, all the females won! What a competition!
GM was given back the circle and he greatly contributed to recycling green energy as he repeatedly iced and bucketed overheated hashers. By this he demonstrated that he had an in-depth knowledge of the First Law of Thermodynamics which states that Energy cannot be consumed, it can only be transformed. This really came out to be a great circle. Not only did we get a great competition, we also got a basic lecture in the laws of nature. I hope you are all aware of this fact!
After Bimbo had been bucketed, the GM ordered every true hasher to buy the book “Fucking and Sailing in the South Pacific” by the author Black Justice. Available through Amazon.com.
Then it was my task to call for next week’s Scribe. Wank-King’s Wanker had in the past expressed a great desire to be a scribe. Bur he never got somebody to nominate him. So we had this deal together. He would work for and support my nomination as a scribe, me being a much less controversial candidate than him. And if I got elected then next week I would hand this much sought after task to him. So here we are, the next week’s scribe is Wank-Kings’s Wanker. And hashers started to flock around him asking for scribe sub-contracts.
Then it was closing time and we all went back with this great Loi Krathong feeling in our hearts. My girl Black Hole got to know that when scribing I get a free run. So now she wants me to scribe every Monday in order to save enough money to buy her a gold ring. Puugh!
See you all next Monday for the live Hare event.
Doesn’t Touch The Sides
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week = 76
46 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
Methawin Prongsoongnern; 2 Harry Robertson; 437 BALL RINGER; 11 BIGGUS DICKUS; 23 BIMBO; 26 BLACK JUSTICE; 100 CRAZY PUSSY; 193 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1240 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 236 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 473 G.I. JOE; 130 GANGREEN; 619 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 6 HAWKEYE; 133 HORSE; 9 JINGLE BALLS; 170 KEE MAH; 527 LADY FLIPPER; 33 LADY GAGA; 170 LIBERACE; 29 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 41 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 59 MENTAL DISORDER; 579 MRS. HEAD; 73 MUD CRACKER; 19 MUD’S CRACKER; 33 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 52 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 233 PELER; 257 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 49 POCAHONTAS; 143 ROBBING BASTARD; 55 RUNNING BARE; 163 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 549 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 535 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 547 SIR FREE WILLY; 554 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 720 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 296 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 117 STEPTOE; 258 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 256 SWEETIE; 149 TRY-A-FUCK; 654 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 153 WANK-KING’S WANKER
11 Napa Bunma; 5 Chunthanee Suphawong; 79 B. B.; 8 BELL STAR; 109 BLACK HOLE; 498 BOW WOW; 169 CABBAGE HEAD; 84 CABBAGE PRINCESS; 263 CABBAGE QUEEN; 36 CAMEL HUMPER; 34 DESERT SCORPION; 40 FREQUENT STREAKER; 313 FUCK THE TRUTH; 97 HONEY BEAR; 61 HULK; 11 JOHN WAYNE; 303 LONE WOLF; 50 PEAR SHAPED; 650 SIR DOG; 554 SIR MC; 408 SNOOPY; 30 SUZY WONG; 10 WHY SO SMALL;
4 Visitors with their Total Runs – Mother Hash
5 EBONY PRINCESS – Kampala H3, Uganda
3 Samniang Rattanamool – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 PRAYING MANTIS – Subic Bay Hash, Philippines
6 MR. BEAN – Vientiane Hash, Laos
SIR DOG – 650th Run
SNOOPY – 400th Run Dress
PEAR SHAPED – 50th Run
G.I. JOE 18th Nov
HONEY BEAR 21st Nov
EMPEROR AIRHEAD 22nd Nov
LONE WOLF 24th Nov