Scribe Report by Steptoe
Sad start to hash as MENSTRUAL DISORDER’s four year old son Jon died earlier in the day many shocked faces and an outpouring of sympathy to sister hasher and to MENTAL DISORDER.
Here we are once again at MENTAL DISORDER’s favourite A site and presumably SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD’s least favoured as the University is dry. SIR FREE WILLY announces himself and LADY FLIPPER as live hares the following week, a mastering of space-time displacement is to be expected as it’s the only way they can do it, or they could cheat? Nah! Who’d expect that of WILLY.
The run was a good, fairly flat, short and simple the usual suspects front running MUDCRACKER, RUNNING BARE. My enthusiasm got the better of me and I got too near the front and got caught in two large loops, running hard only to see the likes of ROBBING BASTARD, RUDI VOELLER, VV AND CABBAGE FLAPS short cutting ahead and repossessing my hard earned territory, good haring! Found myself ahead with SCAR WITH TWO T’s for a brief period but it didn’t last. I eventually walked into the A site well down the order craving water but was ambushed by PAPRIKA SMILEY intent upon fucking up anybody in his path with a bottle of pastis in celebration of his 50th run.
SIR FREE WILLY donates a cassette irrespective the technology to play it on doesn’t exist anymore. LADY GAGA win two, WANK-KING’S WANKER wins three, GANGREEN wins big jug to go with those he has already, GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER predictably chooses alcohol, NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER wins DVD of Dad’s Army starring ROBBING BASTARD. Metawin, TRY-A-FUCK, BUSHSQUATTER, LINEAR ACCELERATOR also ran’s.
Ices hares MENTAL DISORDER and HORSE, Aussies butt to butt will eat and fuck anything but not necessarily in that order. HORSE it seems was married on Wednesday in the bush somewhere, to boy or girl uncertain at the time. Some discussion, situation clarified, HORSE married to CRAZY PUSSY, seems he had too as he had fucked up her visa.
BIGGUS DICKUS iced with his woman, subsequently named HAWKEYE. Metawin iced for being a hash virgin. NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and LINEAR ACCELERATOR iced for being gay Americans from San Francisse, weak denials.
Ices ROBBING BASTARD for dyslexic dressing and for 73rd birthday plus he ices ROBBING BASTARD’s harem from Hastings seems he’s flown the four over as a birthday present to himself. Ices RUDI VOELLER for the crime of leaving PH3 for the time being. Lying leaver TOSSA escapes.
SCAR WITH TWO T’s:
Ices RUDI VOELLER for racing GM on the run. However, divine intervention sees RUDI head butting tree along the way. Ices Hastings Harriett’s for lesson in Thai Gibberish.
Ices SCAR for being Cheap Charlie, donating “empty” hip flask to raffle. Winner, WANK-KING’s WANKER also iced. RSB offers to fill flask with Chang, WANK-KING’s WANKER would rather not fill with toxic waste.
SCAR WITH TWO T’s:
Ices the Jocks, SIR RSB, and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER for being AWOL on bus and doing what they do best – drinking. If they can’t drink it, fight it, or fuck it then it’s no use to them. VV also iced for conspiring with aforementioned to confuse Hash by being AWOL on bus but mysteriously appearing at A site.
Ices SIR RSB, RUDI VOELLER, PAPRIKA SMILEY and LINEAR ACCELERATOR in order to pass the scribe for next week to DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES, and why not – ice is nice.
Ices SPAG for finding love in Thailand, also ices Wee Jimmy for similar, they cuddle, Chang is the only true love for this pair. Also ices Horse for whoring around in Thailand but mysteriously marrying a Philippina, CRAZY PUSSY joins the ice.
SCAR WITH TWO T’s:
Ices BUSHSQUATTER who drops her guard momentarily and inadvertently accepts the PH3 Hash name of KNOB GOBBLER. BLACK JUSTICE takes the ice – why not? STEPTOE iced for being drunk and making a cunt of himself in TQ previous week. HORSE and CRAZY PUSSY again for deliberate visa avoidance issues leading to marriage. BIMBO, TOSSA and EVIL TWIN iced for “coming in the from behind”
Again ices ROBBING BASTARD’S harem for no particular reason other than he’s pissed.
On-On ! STEPTOE
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week = 65
40 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
436 BALL RINGER; 22 BIMBO; 175 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 192 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1239 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 235 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 472 G.I. JOE; 129 GANGREEN; 618 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 29 GOLDEN WATERFALL; 526 LADY FLIPPER; 32 LADY GAGA; 169 LIBERACE; 28 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 40 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 51 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 58 MENTAL DISORDER; 578 MRS. HEAD; 51 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 232 PELER; 256 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 48 POCAHONTAS; 32 POSTMAN LICKS TWICE; 72 RUDI VOELLER; 54 RUNNING BARE; 162 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 548 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 534 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 546 SIR FREE WILLY; 553 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 719 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 86 SLIPPERY ARSE; 295 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 116 STEPTOE; 257 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 255 SWEETIE; 14 TOSSA; 148 TRY-A-FUCK; 653 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 152 WANK-KING’S WANKER;
8 Synnova Barbo; 1 Harry Robertson; 155 CABBAGE FLAPS; 150 CABBAGE KNIEVEL; 208 CRACK MY COCCYX; 99 CRAZY PUSSY; 132 HORSE; 8 JINGLE BALLS; 169 KEE MAH; 72 MUD CRACKER; 32 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 70 RABBIT SHOOTER; 142 ROBBING BASTARD;
11 Visitors with their Total Runs – Mother Hash
2 E.T. – Banjul Hash, Gambia
1 BUSHSQUATTER – Hastings Hash, UK
1 MUPPET – Hastings Hash, UK
1 POO STICKS – Hastings Hash, UK
1 WILMA – Hastings Hash, UK
2 SECRETS – Melbourne Hash, Australia
1 Nupthin Malposan – Pattaya Bush Hash, Thailand
18 MUD’S CRACKER – Pattaya Bush Hash, Thailand
5 HAWKEYE – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
25 BLACK JUSTICE – Port Vila Hash, Vanuatu
10 BIGGUS DICKUS – Songkhla Hash, Thailand
CABBAGE KNIEVEL – 150th Run
3 New Hash Names
BUSHSQUATTER changed hash name to KNOB GOBBLER
Supatra Hausranoi given New Hash Name HAWKEYE
Brian Loughrey E.T. – Updated Hash Name