Scribe Report by Gangreen
“I thought a thought that I thought I had thought but the thought I had wasn’t the thought that I had thought I had thought so maybe if I had thought that I thought I thought I wouldn’t have thought much.”
That’s all Paprika Smiley had to write about with being this week’s Scribe and 50th run (after 9 years) anniversary. But on the bus last week, he suddenly lost any abilty to speak English except to beg me to be this week’s Scribe. But little did he know that scribing isn’t that hard…..there are just a few simple rules to follow and everything will be alright……..all you have to do is barf up some “melodramatic sludge” about how we are all here for the run and not for the beer……and then maybe round off the whole sentimental garbage heap with something like “no matter what, this day will never be forgotten” Oh!! and something where you use the phrase “I really do have a life but I come to every Hash Run because I really enjoy everyone’s company so much.” Just throw it all in the trough and they will eat it up.
But today’s run is really why you do keep coming back for more and more. For eleven years and ten runs (minus one run when Sir Free Willy lost the plot) we find ourselves back on the beach in the very familiar but always spectacular Jomtien area. Sadly, with all the development going around this area, it could very well be the last of Sir Free Willy and Lady Flipper’s Annual Anniversary Runs in this location. It will be missed, but today’s run featured some terrific food as well as around 170 different bottles of beer. Now you would think that 170 bottles of beer is a lot and would last a very long time…Well, you would be very wrong…..this beer went quicker than if it had been produced at a “Alcoholics Anonymous” meeting which was OK as it left more Leo Beer for me and more importantly, more Chang for Sir Really Sadistic Bastard which is what it’s really all about eh people????
I know Sir Really Sadistic Bastard didn’t want this to be known but he does suffer from a very rare and probably incurable disease. And with the return of General Kidney Wiper I do believe that he has all the symptoms too!!!!! A disease that seems to only inflict itself upon people born above Hadrian’s Wall and it’s called “Cenosillicaphobia”…..it’s the fear of a empty glass and manifests itself in a number of circumstances…..the symptoms can be uncomfortable at best and downright terrifying at worst. Normally I would say ‘why do bad things happen to good people’ but we all know exactly why that statement doesn’t apply to those two. But on to the run……
It’s common knowledge (if that word can be used regarding anything to do with the PH3) I have a letter from my mother excusing me from doing most Hash runs. It’s a real pity as there isn’t anything more I wouldn’t like better than to be out there in the flora and fauna with everybody breaking checks and doing whatever the heck you people do on what you call a ‘run’……but Mom knows best!!!!
So since I couldn’t really experience the run itself, I would be the Hash Scribe Reporter guy and ask around what the opinions were of the today’s run. Well I’m sure everyone will be pleased that most responses ranged from ‘Just OK’ all the way up to “It was like running through a garbage dump” which obviously means that today’s run was a success!!!!!! A very big thanks to Sir Free Willy and Lady Flipper for all of your hard work and generosity…..much appreciated.
So after all the Hash House beer ‘connoisseurs’ finished sampling copious amounts of Free Willy‘s wares, the circle commenced with the weekly raffle. Lots of terrific prizes that were being offered and will eventually find their way to a village somewhere, but I’m sure most people had their eye on that 12 CD set of self-help instructions by Anthony Robbins who is a world famous self-improvement guru….the irony is that they were donated by our very own Emperor Airhead…but anyone who has been acquainted with Emperor Airhead for a while knows very well that Anthony Robbins should be listening to Airhead‘s CD’s for the knowledge that is freely imparted to us Hashers every Monday.
Next up on the agenda was Free Willy‘s version of speed dating. It might have been a good idea at the time but after a few changing of partners, it turned more into some kind of a aversion therapy session. I haven’t seen such space between couples since I asked a lady to dance at my high school prom. If you really look around at who populates the average PH3 circle, romance really shouldn’t be on your mind at all!!!!! (unless Turd Burglar returns).
By this time, Emperor Airhead was already warming up his motorcycle to leave so we called him in the circle to welcome our virgins, visitors and anyone else that caught his eye. Now Airhead was already in a very good mood as one of the raffle winners Black Hole presented her raffle prize to him. Now what Airhead could offer to reciprocate her generosity is up to you and Doesn’t Touch The Sides to decide because it’s something I really don’t want to think about but would be willing to look at any pictures.
But our Airhead wasn’t finished yet…..his “Fickle Finger Of Fate” next touched upon Rudi Voeller and his 18 year old son. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know that many dads brought their 18 year son’s to Pattaya for a little R&R…sure wish my dad did and I’m sure you do too. With his lack of the English language and having to endure Airhead‘s charismatic authority our young lad was having a bit of a tough time figuring out what the heck was actually going on. All of a sudden our normal circle was turned into some kind of ‘white slavery’ forum with Pissed Pole Dancer wanting to ‘bar fine’ him and promptly plopped herself into the very unsuspecting young man’s lap. What if/any kind of irreparable damage has been done to this poor lad only the future and many psychiatrists will know.
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Sometimes when trying to describe what goes on in the circle, it’s impossible when Lord Chicken F**ker takes over. Don’t have many notes about what exactly happened as I was too busy watching and enjoying this brilliant performance. I’ve got something about having some kind of dating service with Pissed Pole Dancer and her new “Boy Toy”, Bimbo trying to steal Bell Star away from our GM Scar With 2 T’s but Lord Chicken F**ker had us all convinced that Bell Star would be better off with a “Real Man” who goes by the name of Sir Spaghetti Head. It was difficult to argue with that kind of logic as it was about that time the 170 different beers supplied by Sir Free Willy were starting to really kick in.
A visitor with the name of “Incomplete Erection” was brought in to expand on how he got his nickname. Much to the chagrin of the circle, his name had nothing to do with what we were all thinking but more about construction projects that never got started. At least with a name like ‘Shit My Pants‘ or ‘Miserable C*nt‘ there is no ambiguity.
Luckily for me as I had just poured a bunch of beer all over my notes, the circle was slowly winding down and the usual suspects were rounded up for the final down-downs and to lead us all in the Hash Hymn.
But we can’t close this without acknowledging some special people today:
Running Bare collects his 50th Run Mug
Menstrual Disorder 50th Run today
Paprika Smiley 50th Run today
And another terrific day of Hashing and comradery with a plentiful supply of beer……does it get any better?????? Honey Bear for her great song and most of all thanks to today’s hares Sir Free Willy and Lady Flipper and all the other people who made this day possible.
ON ON ! GANGREEN
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week = 70
44 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
4 Johannes Fink; 435 BALL RINGER; 23 BANANAS; 7 BELL STAR; 497 BOW WOW; 168 CABBAGE HEAD; 262 CABBAGE QUEEN; 174 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 191 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 1238 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 234 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 471 G.I. JOE; 128 GANGREEN; 28 GOLDEN WATERFALL; 96 HONEY BEAR; 168 LIBERACE; 27 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 302 LONE WOLF; 27 LUMP; 50 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 57 MENTAL DISORDER; 577 MRS. HEAD; 50 PAPRIKA SMILEY; 231 PELER; 119 PINKABOO; 31 POSTMAN LICKS TWICE; 199 REAR GUNNER; 71 RUDI VOELLER; 161 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 11 SHORT TIME; 547 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 533 SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT; 649 SIR DOG; 553 SIR MC; 552 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 718 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 85 SLIPPERY ARSE; 294 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 115 STEPTOE; 256 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 254 SWEETIE; 13 TOSSA; 652 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 151 WANK-KING’S WANKER
5 Benjamin Carpenter; 11 Lek Fink; 267 BELL END; 108 BLACK HOLE; 617 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 525 LADY FLIPPER; 31 LADY GAGA; 39 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 1058 LORD CHICKEN FUCKER; 255 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 155 PISSED POLE DANCER; 47 POCAHONTAS; 80 PUSSY SNATCHER; 53 RUNNING BARE; 545 SIR FREE WILLY; 147 TRY-A-FUCK
8 Visitors with their Total Runs – Mother Hash
21 BIMBO – Bangkok Hash, Thailand
5 FLUFFER – Bangkok Hash, Thailand
1 HOTLIP – Bangkok Hash, Thailand
1 INCOMPLETE ERECTION – Cairo Hash, Egypt
22 TWINKLE DICK – Gypsies Hash, San Francisco, USA
24 BULLTRACK – Korea Hash
7 PUSSY NUMBER 3 – Pattaya Bush Hash, Thailand
3 MISUSE ME – Wanchai Hash, Hong Kong
Jan harry Robertsen
MENSTRUAL DISORDER – 50th Run completed
PAPRIKA SMILEY – 50th Run completed
RUNNING BARE – 50th Run Mug awarded