“Behind every great fortune lies a great crime.” Honore de Balzac 1842 “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7 “The best things in life aren’t free…But the best thing in life is being free.” Norman Stanley Fletcher 1975 Hello People, ‘Tis’ I……Just when you all thought it safe to venture onto the mean streets of Pattaya…Sir Free Willy is back in the Land of Smiles after a sixteen month break in the land of no smiles. After last weeks return of the one year absentees it was another set of irregulars that showed up for this years Veterans Run ably hared and arranged by Sir Spaghetti Head and General Kidney Wiper. With a combined age of 133 one would hope, nay expect that a well organized event would en-shew. An acceptable A-Site with the usual SSH chalk circle dictating where to and indeed not to stand greeted the days disciples. Cabbage’s Head and Queen, Crack My Coccyx and Stinky Sloppy Seconds are amongst the old friends I catch up with and Sir MC is here as well.!!!
Shoes blessed and off into the Thai savannah for the hardy soles..or souls…today both jokes are apt..Current health problems prevent your scribe from joining the FRB’s so I have to rely on Cabbage Head to describe the run. “Flat and boring is the initial information supplied, swiftly changed to a short and scenic trot around the mountains with the disliked back checks to slow people down..Not too taxing and an adequate work-out seemed to sum up the 5.5.K run itself. But we have not come to bury Ceasar we have come to praise him for on occasion it is more about the day and not the run itself with today being one such time. When I were a lad and still an FRB ( Fat Robbing Bastard ) the A-Site for the Veterans Run was festooned with photos of fallen hasher’s and we all drank a down down to their memory, Time breeds apathy and remembering the Russian proverb ” We ignore the past at our peril ” SSH’s request months back for photos and mementos of departed Hasher’s received scant response.. Always remember my children it is YOUR Hash…Use it or lose it.!!!
Still,a montage of photos e.c.t. was assembled to mark the day and SSH sponsored personally the free t-shirts donated to the qualified runners each printed with a named list of PH3 ghosts on the back..It was suggested that a space should have been left for SSH himself to save time next year but as I am now officially a nice I guy I will not grass up the suggester. Some of the deceased hasher’s were before my time,but some I knew and were personal friends…..I well remember Emperor Airhead saying of Snowflake at her funeral “She would work all day and party all night and then work and party the next day..If you did not know her it is your loss”.This sums up the problem with the increasing regimentation of the local Hash’s now….the dearth of character hasher’s. It is folklore in Thai prisons ( so I am told of course ) that the cats who roam freely around the exercise yards are reincarnated from executed prisoners…Who knows the next time you spy a cow on a run it may be Sweet Balls or T4.!!!
Still all in all a good effort by the two hares to do their best to resurrect a worthy tradition. Circle called but SSH is unable to join his co-conspirator on the ice as he is busy trying to direct lost hasher’s Lord Chicken F—-r and ET back to the A-Site via telephone…..Why.???? Together on ice after the delay it was agreed the run was as previously described. Raffle time and your scribe wins an iron….I could do with some help with the laundry…with other prizes being DVD’s,mobile phones and something in a box.. Lady Flipper has yet to open her box so I am unable to inform you all what was in it. Sheik Mee Mee takes the circle to promptly dish out soggy botty treatment to the hares..Not for long mind as LCF and ET duly arrive back in the safe hands ( or steering wheel ) of the Tampax car. Upon ice and under interrogation the two bewildered old timers without quite the same age span as the hares firmly blame Horse for getting lost. SMM makes a point of order here with many echoing in agreement including myself..A joke is a joke when it is funny..How often can you watch a comedy movie and still laugh.?…To this end is there really a concrete necessity to hear the “Head” chant every time that hitherto innocuous word is mentioned.?..Cabbage Head and SSH are iced while SMM tells us about his ill-fated live hare run a few years ago..Free Willy was down to do a live hare in June of last year..No-one could prove otherwise… However he could not get away from existing obligations at the time..It was considered at the time of having the run where he was then but access to the A-Site was a bit difficult.!!!.. Will SFW go ahead with his live hare…..We wait with baited breath. G.I. Joe is recognised as the face of Hashing in Thailand before LCF takes over the helm explaining he had not had sex for 17 months with Seal Sucker claiming he was on “on the nest” only last night.
Fowl Fucker and Up the Butt along with the RA remember fallen Hasher’s before Cabbage Head and Shit My Pants jump in the bucket for something. Ball Ringer the stud is brought in hoping ice will cool his ardor while it is explained to him his 7 week old son Ben-Jaming has been auctioned on EBay for spare parts but he can find a cheap copy of his heir in Shenzhen,China……or so I am told. SSH and the newly returned Robbing Bastard are brought in ( mercifully this time without the dreaded chant ) to become probably the oldest two hasher’s ever assembled on the ice with a combined age of 142.
A new idea ( copied from another Hash actually but it’s progress I suppose ) but new to the PH3 means the days scribe picks the scribe for next week. SFW assembles a few Aussies on the ice to explain why they are crap at sport these days and to choose the aptly named Robbing Bastard to be next weeks teller of tales for the PH3. Really Sadistic Bastard ices SFW explaining the last year or so his old pal has had various names including Now Free Willy and one name none of you will have heard before “1579/56″….Work it out people. RSB then serenades SCF much to the hilarity of the remaining ensemble with seven verses of his own composition “The Bangkok Hilton Blues”. Second point of order: Why did so many people approach SFW afterwards to ask if he was offended by the song.?.. Quoting the finest Master of Music the PH3 ever had..A certain Red Coat always maintained ” This is the Hash..Not real life.”…..Just as well really.!!! The hares sing us a song about Herpes. Hash Hymn duly strangled and it was off for the few to the usual happy hour of T.Q. which in personal absentia I will assume was the usual success. If I have neglected to mention anyone my apologies. Faces and Fannies I never forget but names are for tomb stones. On On
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week = 61
41 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
2 Benjamin Carpenter; 426 BALL RINGER; 264 BELL END; 156 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 488 BOW WOW; 98 CRAZY PUSSY; 182 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 227 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 303 EXTRA TESTICLE; 463 G.I. JOE; 614 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 119 GANGREEN; 22 GOLDEN WATERFALL; 88 HONEY BEAR; 131 HORSE; 517 LADY FLIPPER; 159 LIBERACE; 18 LINEAR ACCELERATOR; 297 LONE WOLF; 42 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 49 MENTAL DISORDER; 525 MIDNIGHT STAR; 568 MRS. HEAD; 26 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 227 PELER; 44 POCAHONTAS; 48 RUNNING BARE; 152 SEAL SUCKER; 139 SHEIK MEME; 647 SIR ARSE HOPPER; 540 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 526 SIR BOTTOMLESS PITT; 640 SIR DOG; 537 SIR FREE WILLY; 543 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 710 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 399 SNOOPY; 287 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 245 SWEETIE; 644 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 142 WANK-KING’S WANKER
119 BABY WIPES; 6 BOXING KANGAROO; 161 CABBAGE HEAD; 80 CABBAGE PRINCESS; 255 CABBAGE QUEEN; 205 CRACK MY COCCYX; 331 FESTERING STREAKER; 381 FOWL FUCKER; 23 LADY GAGA; 1055 LORD CHICKEN FUCKER; 43 ONE MORE TIME; 247 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 66 RABBIT SHOOTER; 133 ROBBING BASTARD; 546 SIR MC; 248 STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS; 141 TRY-A-FUCK; 153 UP THE BUTT
2 Visitors with their Total Runs and Mother Hash
8 SHIT MY PANTS — Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 DRIPPING HELMET — Yemen H3