WARNING, this scribe may be a tad on the long side !
Once a Packer, Always a Packer !
Today’s run was down off Phoenix road again after a break of 3 weeks since our last trip out here. I arrived at the a-site early to find Kee Mah’s truck parked neatly under a tree but no Kee Mah ! So sitting down under the shade of a convenient Sala on a small hill with Mental Disorder, I took in this marvellous a-site and the local countryside. Lot’s of parking space, nice views and a flat circle area.
After a short while Kee Mah arrived back and promptly led me out on trail to show me his very neat and original new idea for an On In sign. We both took a few photos and went back to await the arrival of the bus. Yes I did say bus, as I was warned earlier by GI Joe that the bus would join us again today. I wonder if we will see ‘The Black Pearl’ next week ?
One of the many, many people to step off the bus today was my old mate Wang King’s Wanker who has been AWOL for a number of weeks after catching the dreaded lurgy. Well he looked exactly the same as always — emaciated, pale, dishevelled, hungry, thirsty, overactive and was doing his usual jumping about all over the place like a cat on a hot tin roof routine. Cha Cha old friend ….. ! So it’s no surprise when after he asked for a volunteer to scribe today I felt compelled to help him out a bit when no one else did !
GM Scar with 2ts called the first circle and dealt with the new shoes before inviting in the hares to tell us about today’s special St Patrick’s day run. White paper hanging, red checks and special FT’s (raffle prizes) that were actually made of a small card, silver and green coloured that would be hanging in the trees. Well to me this did sound a bit IRISH ! An FT that would be ‘nicked’ by the first person who got there. And who would that person be ? Of course it would be Smelly Bastard, our resident athlete today!
So off we go and depart the nice comfortable a-site for the undergrowth, Tapioca, pineapple fields and paper trails that would eventually herd us around a decent sized lake and along the causeway before taking us around to the back side of the a-site and the On In. Which reminds me that I’m sure I saw an Australian prick, wanker, knob head ….. run by a herd of cattle ! “No, I’m not running, I’m just speed walking” he said ! As if the cows will notice the difference. They must have really clever cattle down there in Australia and HORSE’s too !
Anyway, back to the trail and at one point the middle pack consisting of Horse, Sexy Bum, Mrs Head, Marathon Man, Beverly Hills Pink Cock, Empty Spermbank, Really Sadistic Bastard and Flying Finn followed the trail down to the lake only to find that the trail just stopped, Backwards and forwards we go but no one can find paper. Of course it was some time later that we realised that there must have been one of the ‘raffle prize’ FT’s hanging there that some front runner had already picked up !!!
After entering and exiting the ‘endless’ causeway we suddenly came upon the front runners coming back to the trail from the right. “What happened” we ask ? “Oh, we followed the paper straight up there but it brought us back around to this place again” ! Oh dear, we seem to have been caught in an Irish loop ! What to do now ? Well I saw Mrs Head abandoning the trail with Horse in hot pursuit. Hey, that’s got to be a good idea I said to myself (quietly), so Sexy Bum and I headed off after them and more or less worked our way directly back to the a-site after 45 minutes on the trail. Fine with them and fine with me as I was knackered anyway and I had already seen the On In !
I think most of the runners including GI Joe, Scar with 2ts, Empty Spermbank, Jackal and Smelly Bastard did manage to find a way out of the loop and follow paper to the On In. Others such as Peler and Ball Ringer came back in the dark but were non the worse for it. Back to the a-site and what a very, very pleasant surprise to find that the hares were giving away ‘free’ St Paddy’s day run t-shirts to everyone on returning from the run.
After changing clothes and settling down for a cold beer I got to chatting a bit with General Kidney Wiper and King Yao Yao. V.V. of course is also settled down at his food table but not too many people are visiting him. “Don’t worry” I say, “there are still a few people out following an endless loop but they will eventually get hungry and thirsty and come back in” !
Anyway, as I was saying, I was sitting alongside General Kidney Wiper and King Yao Yao and we got to chatting about ‘the good old days’ on the PH3 when the likes of Energizer Bunny, would regularly strip down to her g-string and sit on the ice or even in the bucket ! Well you know that time was back in the early 2000’s but then the General started talking about ‘The Rat Pack’ ! “ Who the heck are they” I asked, “ did they run back in the 90’s” ? “No” he says, “these were a bunch of girls (harriets) who took on the likes of Airhead (as he was known at the time) and ‘The Pope’ way back in the eighty’s” ! They were even responsible for King Yao Yao getting his name ! There’s obviously a lot more to this story but we will have to await another time and another day to find out more (part II). Suffice it to say that our present group of regular females from the Phillipine’s with their hash partners in tow have an impossible act to follow ! By the way, Energizer Bunny (left in the wet shorts) did get herself a t-shirt made from this photograph as she liked it so much. Those were the day’s ! Tampax also likes this photo (he took it) !
Where was I, oh I know it’s time to talk about he circle. Has anyone else noticed that week after week the circle forms around the ice blocks but in an elongated shape ! I measured it today, they were stood 7 places to the left of the ice and 3 paces to the right ! How strange, it must be the same people standing in the same places week after week ! On that note, Suzy Wong and Hulk did say that they were in the best place ! Now who is going to argue with Hulk I ask myself (quietly)?
The GM started the circle and the hares were invited to sit on the ice but then Kee Mah fell right off ! Crickey, that’s early and it must be that Jameson’s Whiskey taking it’s early toll ! After some small talk about the run, Bottomless Pit took over the circle and got the raffle under way. Some nice prizes were claimed by the likes of Borderline, Stupid Kraut Cunt, Oy, Warm Piss, Sexy Bum and B.B.. While this was going on I could not help but notice from my peripheral vision that ‘Wendy’ was once again getting changed in the circle ! That’s got to be a sin right ?
Gm Scar continued and iced one of the beer truck police ‘Joe Donald’ for sitting down on the job. Time once again for Emperor Airhead to take over and bring back the hares. They were in no danger of course as the Emperor was very impressed with this new a-site, the free t-shirt and the good run. At one point Barnacle Bollox lost his way a bit and shouted out that Emperor Airhead looked sexy in his green St paddy’s day t-shirt ! Hmmm, that’s strange cos at this point in this scribe I’m listening to Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Say You Love Me’ !
Emperor Airhead somehow was to still able to perform and he brought in Scar and his friend Bell whom he then promptly named ‘Bell Star’. Manx Paedophile Pussy Fucker’s girlfriend (Ann Warringrat) was named ‘Morning Star’ and with the namings over, Smelly Bastard was brought in for being a member of the ‘Troika’. This is the three man group: Smelly Bastard, Vaseline Thighs and Mud Cracker who are accused of never breaking checks, never calling On On and generally being super fit ‘bloody’ athletes who more or less belong to a ‘Ghost Hash’ !
Official procedures included Mental Disorder getting his 5 Hared run award cap. I’m finding it hard to read my own handwriting just now but then I realise this is NOT my handwriting: Bottomless Pit has written down “THE BEST BREWMASTER IN THE WORLD”, V.V. nicked the clipboard as Tampax — (SHORT CUTTER) became temporary unavailable as he was called into the circle to be awarded his belated (2 ½ years) 20 hared run cap ! Next Week then took over from V.V. — (SHORT CUTTER) as he came into the circle to explain that he was haring with Tampax when he actually achieved his 20 hared runs (not to mention the hours and hours of drinking after the recons and laying the trail).
Scar with 2ts put on the ice a guy called Larry who was not wearing a hash shirt and had not signed up. It was only after he was sat down on the ice that Scar was told that this guy actually owned the land we have been using today ….oops !
Robbing Bastard nicked the scribe when Tampax sneaked off for a beer – Barnacle Bollox took the circle and iced all the English (including Tampax) and sang a song, Sir MC and Turd Burglar in the bucket during this time for yakking.
And it’s back to Tampax for the last time as V.V. was called once again into the circle as he is 52 years old on the 19th of March and is far too active for his age ! Gm called in Johnny Hash and tried to find out exactly where he got his name but failed in his quest. Time for the hare song and Honey Bear and Menstrual Disorder got the ‘NEW’ Yamaha guitar out and sang the song “ I like to drink whiskey and I love to dance”.
One last thing was for the Gm Scar to relieve Ferry Queen of his hash shit award. After that it was just the formality of the hash hymn to end the circle and send everyone on their way. The story should end here but we can now tell you that Barnacle Bollox DID fall off his bike on the way out from the circle and ‘The Black Pearl’ DID stop by a 7/11 on the way home as a lot of people including Pussy Whipped, Scar and Ferry Queen got thirsty and forced the driver to stop so they could nip in and get fresh supplies !
Thanks hares (and Larry) for a great day out and a great t-shirt, see you next week
One other ‘must’ mention is that Kee Mah went back to the a-site on Tuesday to check that all was clean and no rubbish had been left behind. He says that the owners were happy with us and that the a-site was spotless. No one would ever have known we had been there. Sweetie also does a regular check over the a-site with a torch before the beer truck leaves each week. So well done the PH3 !
On On Tampax
Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.
Total Runners this week = 87
56 Hashers who were Hashing the previous week
2 Anders Banby; 6 Donald Joe; 2 Chaluai Munkhong; 8 Sirinan T.n. dee; 403 BALL RINGER; 5 BANANAS; 249 BELL END; 145 BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK; 154 BILLION SUCKER; 504 BOTTOMLESS PIT; 168 CHEAP NORGY CUNT; 77 CRAZY PUSSY; 1211 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 211 EMPTY SPERMBANK; 43 FERRY QUEEN; 100 FLYING FINN; 96 FUZZY LURE; 441 G.I. JOE; 95 GANGREEN; 606 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 74 HELIUM HEAD; 67 HONEY BEAR; 110 HORSE; 45 HULK; 129 JACKAL; 168 KEE MAH; 136 LIBERACE; 22 LITTLE WHITE DOVE; 279 LONE WOLF; 89 MARATHON MAN; 24 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 27 MENTAL DISORDER; 504 MIDNIGHT STAR; 545 MRS. HEAD; 44 NEXT WEEK; 342 ODD-JOB; 211 PELER; 29 POCAHONTAS; 7 PUSSY WHIPPED; 126 ROBBING BASTARD; 32 RUNNING BARE; 152 SCAR WITH TWO T’S; 7 SEXY BUM; 626 SIR ARSE HOPPER; 520 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 524 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 688 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 74 SPECIAL PRICE; 268 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 171 STUPID KRAUT KUNT; 18 SUZY WONG; 222 SWEETIE; 337 TAMPAX; 143 TURD BURGLAR; 292 VELCRO DICK; 621 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR
66 B. B.; 145 BARNACLE BOLLOX; 3 BELL STAR; 99 BLACK HOLE; 47 BORDERLINE; 468 BOW WOW; 51 CINDERELLA; 113 COO COO COP; 166 DOESN’T TOUCH THE SIDES; 293 EXTRA TESTICLE; 876 KING YAO YAO; 42 MANX PEDOPHILE PUSSY FUCKER; 11 MORNING STAR; 4 NO PUSSY NO CLIT; 239 PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER; 61 POOPACHINO; 618 SIR DOG; 523 SIR MC; 57 SMELLY BASTARD; 303 SMILING BROWN SPIDER; 381 SNOOPY; 128 TRY-A-FUCK; 118 WANK-KING’S WANKER
6 Visitors with their Total Runs Mother Hash
3 EBONY PRINCESS — Kampala H3, Uganda
24 PISSED UP MERMAID — Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 Jasica Sripirom — Pattaya Jungle Irregular Lunar Hash, Thailand
1 JOHNNY HASH — Phnom Penh Hash, Cambodia
13 WARM PISS — Subic Bay Hash, Philippines
4 MR. BEAN — Vientiane Hash, Laos
TAMPAX Hared 20 Hat
MENTAL DISORDER Hared 05
FLYING FINN 100th Run
2 New Hash Names:
Moonmanee Suwit BELL STAR — New Hash Name
Ann Warunrat MORNING STAR — New Hash Name
1 Hash Shit
FERRY QUEEN Hash Shit removed