Run 1743


—– RUN REPORT —–

Scribe Report by Frequent Steaker

The only other time I wrote a run report, it was for another Hash, and it turned out to be the last run that Hash ever did. I never did get published. Here is hoping for a better result this time around.

This is hard for me as I treat the weekly Hash Sheets the way I used to treat copies of Playboy Magazine, I only looked at the pictures. Now this task has forced me to go back and read some old Hash Sheets. There are some erudite folks writing for the Hash, but not all, and not this week.

The A-site was a quiet roadside location with minimal traffic. Still SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD watched out for oblivious Hashers telling folks to GET OFF THE ROAD as traffic approached.

MENTAL called the circle and new shoes were called in, DOESN’T COME ENOUGH, another lady and some guy with no boyfriend all drank a beer from their new shoes.

MUD CRACKER then sent us off on the run. It was a hot dry day and the hares thoughtfully supplied us with shade aplenty. I ran along with GREYHOUND for a while until he turned into a false trail never to return (He still beat me back to the A-site). Next I dropped in behind MARATHON MAN and the gaseous BALL RINGER (a good safe distance behind)! The middle portion of the run was best suited for little people or high hurdlers and MARATHON MAN thoughtfully went ahead to get his legs snagged in the thorns. I found myself walking with a new group of people for the last and easiest portion of the Hash, still I was happy to see the On-In and later You Did It written in blue paint.

Soon enough the circle was called and SIR FREE WILLY ran the Raffle (he has to run something). Budding criminologist Alicia Ward won the first draw and got first choice of the goodies. Other Hashers won salmon, booze, a t-shirt etc. DOESN’T COME ENOUGH lucked in with the wine cooler. There was a little confusion at the end of the Raffle, did SIR FREE WILLY want a ninth draw when there were only eight prizes. I don’t know, I was confused myself.

The circle starts in earnest and right away the noisy ones SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD and DEEPSHIT are put in the bucket. The hares SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC and MUD CRACKER are judged to have set a good run.

Next up we have DOUBLE DICKHEAD with a 20 year old Hash shirt and his son, SHITHEAD. Some people just hang on to all their Hash t-shirts forever.

The most exciting tale of the day involved a snake. That magnificent front runner DEL BOY encountered a big snake on the trail and leapt it in a single bound. At the other end of the spectrum I heard that VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR tripped over a twig, pitched forward and ROLLED LIKE A FOOTBALL. He got up with help slowly favouring a knee. I am just glad those two runners were not in the others shoes. DEL BOY would not have a problem leaping over a twig but if VV was rolling toward a snake his only chance would have been to headbutt the creature.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD had the circle for the naming of a couple of hashers, a Bosnian Herzegovinan and an over eager Slovenian. The EMPEROR had a little trouble sounding out Herzegovinia but eventually did come up with HURTS HER VAGINA. 100 years ago he could have been processing immigrants at Ellis Island. Welcome to America Mr. Hurtshervagina, I hope you prosper and have many little Hurtshervaginas. The Slovenian had to wait a little longer to be named but eventually was tagged as SPEEDY GONORRHEA. Well worth the wait… and can a Speedy Chlamydia be far behind, it is just a matter of time.

Family time came next, a mother and son from Norway. The mom, Ann didn’t quite know what she was in for on a Hash as she was a virgin and the son had neglected to outfit her in a Hash shirt. Son Haakon gave the mom the shirt off his back and cooled off in the bucket. Mom provocatively tried on her sons t-shirt a couple of ways…. backwards and then frontwards. I was sorry that she never tried it on inside out.

It later came out that Ann was using the Hash to find a man and complete her little family but it was decided that she needed a little Hash Help in that regard as the phone # that she had collected did not represent the best and brightest of the Hash. The magnificent DEL BOY was called into the circle to be a possible mate for Ann and a father to her son, Haakon. Ready made Hash Family.

Hash milestones next, PRINCESS BUM BOY reaching the 100 Run mark in only 2 years and CRIMSON PENIS hitting the 50 Run mark in just 26 years. Hare SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC received his 700 Run Survivor shirt.

Right back on the ice for PRINCESS BUM BOY to celebrate his birthday along with birthday girl SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE.

LONE WOLF took the circle next and handed out well deserved awards to KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR and PISS POORER, for giving back to the community. KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR did give a little speech and got a little maudlin about the whole thing but did then have the good sense to let his voice trail off and leave the circle.

Next up, the talkative SEAL SUCKER was finally directed to the ice and his countryman BANANAS joined him. It was a well deserved icing.

By this time the day had run its course, MENTAL DISORDER, SIR FREE WILLY, EMPEROR AIRHEAD, WANK-KING’S WANKER and LONE WOLF all had had their time in the circle entertaining us all. It was time to let BALL RINGER and BEN 10 to lead us in the Hash Hymn.

On-On!  Frequent Streaker

Next week’s scribe is to be announced

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—– STATS REPORT —–

Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.

Total Runners This Week – 80

Hashers Present Last Week – 54

2 Haakon Eriksson; 2 Peter Golding; 2 Alicia Ward; 47 ARSE VAN HOLE; 613 BALL RINGER; 395 BELL END; 133 BEN 10; 32 BOB-A-GOB; 58 CASPER; 50 CRIMSON PENIS; 89 DEL BOY; 19 DREGS; 526 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 1410 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 643 G.I. JOE; 306 GANGREEN; 778 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 23 GIGGLE TITS; 111 GOLDEN RIVET; 12 HARBOR QUICKSTART; 6 HURTS HER VAGINA; 17 JACK WOW; 124 KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR; 710 LADY FLIPPER; 353 LIBERACE; 443 LONE WOLF; 143 LOST CAUSE; 38 MAYO QUEEN; 167 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 196 MENTAL DISORDER; 25 MR GIGGLE SHIT; 757 MRS. HEAD; 197 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 62 PHANTOM; 42 PINK DOLPHIN; 67 PISS POORER; 100 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 56 RAT VON KIEL; 51 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE; 112 SCARLET PIMPERNEL; 239 SEAL SUCKER; 12 SHE’S THE BOSS; 705 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 732 SIR FREE WILLY; 731 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 894 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 4 SPEEDY GONORRHEA; 83 SPERM POLLUTER; 448 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 54 THE WIZARD; 208 TWO TIME; 66 UNSTABLE LOAD; 822 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 343 WANK-KING’S WANKER

Returners – 14

10 Wichuda Prakaykaeu; 7 WHOREHOLE; 73 BANANAS; 72 BIGGUS DICKUS; 119 BURL IVES; 36 CHICKEN DUNDEE; 59 FREQUENT STREAKER; 171 GREYHOUND; 11 HAPPY SURVIVOR; 67 HAWKEYE; 202 MARATHON MAN; 117 MISS USE ME; 95 MUD CRACKER; 63 TELLY TUBBY

Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 11

  1 Paul Dalton – Gold Coast Hash, Australia
15 DEEP SHIT – Gold Coast Hash, Australia
1 Annette Little – Lagos Hash, Nigeria
3 DOUBLE DICKHEAD – Lagos Hash, Nigeria
1 SHITHEAD – Lagos Hash, Nigeria
19 DOESN’T COME ENOUGH – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 JUST ROSE – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
1 PEDO PETE – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand
2 JOHNNY HASH – Phnom Penh Hash, Cambodia
1 Ross Clarke – Sihanoukville, Cambodia
1 Neville Stirling – Sihanoukville, Cambodia

Virgins – 1

Ann Erickson

Leavers – 1

KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR

Anniversaries – 4

SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC was awarded his 700th Run T-Shirt.
MARATHON MAN was awarded his 200th Run Hat.
PRINCESS BUM BOY was congratulated on completing his 100th Run.
CRIMSON PENIS was congratulated on completing his 50th Run.

Hash Name Events – 2

Samir Bobech was given the New Hash Name HURTS HER VAGINA.
Miro Habat was given the New Hash Name SPEEDY GONORRHEA.

Saints and Sinners – 2

Hash Crash – LIBERACE – Tried to stop a runaway bus with his car! And…?
Hash Crash – VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR – Arse over tip on the trail.

Birthdays – 0

~ none this week ~


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Run 1742


—– RUN REPORT —–

Scribe Report by Crimson Penis

Pattaya is probably the only city where I look forward to Mondays.

As usual, there are a lot of politics and intrigues that are going on. Normally I turn the deaf ear to and concentrate on having fun (drinking beer) instead. However, I would like to say that as a holiday visitor I do miss run-related hash T-shirts. I understand that you who live here and run every other race already have a container full of T-shirts and are totally uninterested to use important beer money on more sweaters. So returning to ten so-called T-shirt runs every year is probably not sustainable. But one or two T-shirt runs would probably work well every year.

So to the race, an 8km run laid by 9 men, but no walking path. So I walked a bit and then went back the same way, from those who ran the whole race I heard only happy comments. The rain prevented later on the ice examinations of the run.

After the run, good sausages were served as VV and TWO TIME had managed to grill without burning, this was sponsored by NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER (???? – Editor query), thank you all for it.

The circle began with the hares holding an ode. The ode of remembrance is an ode taken from Laurence Binyons “For the Fallen” from 1914, to honour those who died in the Battle of Long Tan 1966. Because the Aussie language is not the easiest to figure out and I did not read the paper that was distributed before I came home. I assumed it was Australian’s Tet or Dien Bien Phu and thought a bit of “bla bla bla you lost, get over it.”

At home, after a little googling, I realized that nothing could have been more wrong, this should not be compared with Tet or Dien Bien Phu, this is compared to the Battle at Thermopylae where the Spartans were 300 + 4900 other Greeks vs about 2-300,000 Persians. Company D from 6 RAR was 105 plus three New Zeländers vs 1500 – 2500, very impressive and something to be proud of.

Company D was probably all related to Paul Hogan (Croc Dundee) and smashed around the jungle sorrounding Long Tan muttering, “That’s not a knife, this is a knife”.

EMPEROR AIRHEAD has left the building, was the first sign, the other were the black clouds that came. SIR FREE WILLY had just produced the Raffle lottery, when the windswept passing the skies blew half of the lottery tickets away, must have been a kamikaze (divine wind ), because it did not blew mine away.

When I was on the way to the table with the lottery prizes, I get thinking and lose the ability to see any different prize than the absurd combination of 1 can of rat poison + sex lubricant. As in a trance I stretch for it and lift it, no shopping shouting, so I’m stuck with it. Other winners were found, LIBERACE, CASPER, as well as SPERM POLLUTER‘s daughter Alicia and some others.

My foundations about the strange pricecombination quickly got their response when SPERM POLUTTER‘s daughter who was a hash Virgin was invited to the circle where the GM told she studied criminology. He asked if she could do a nasty form of perpetrator’s profile. FREE WILLY was placed on the ice as a try object. The description that he kills first and rapes after allowed me to look at my lottery win and the combination was now clear, looking for copy cats are we SIR WILLY?

The rest of the circle rained like my notes to a wet mourning. So it was just to start singing “Swing Low” and start running towards the bath buses and go to The Piss for good food and more beer. I’m sure I was in the state of beer hunger where you are “Ah, a dead rat, delicious!”. But I still think their food would probably be just as tasty on a normal day.

By the way, what a nice guy LONE WOLF is (and he had nothing to do with me saying that). 🙂 

On-On!  Crimson Penis

Next week’s scribe is to be announced

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—– STATS REPORT —–

Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.

Total Runners This Week – 74

Hashers Present Last Week – 50

3 Miro Habat; 46 ARSE VAN HOLE; 612 BALL RINGER; 394 BELL END; 132 BEN 10; 31 BOB-A-GOB; 115 CAMEL HUMPER; 102 DIRT LOONEY; 18 DREGS; 525 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 1409 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 642 G.I. JOE; 305 GANGREEN; 40 GAS MAN; 777 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 22 GIGGLE TITS; 110 GOLDEN RIVET; 11 HARBOR QUICKSTART; 709 LADY FLIPPER; 352 LIBERACE; 442 LONE WOLF; 142 LOST CAUSE; 76 MASTER CHEF; 37 MAYO QUEEN; 195 MENTAL DISORDER; 24 MR GIGGLE SHIT; 756 MRS. HEAD; 196 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 366 PELER; 61 PHANTOM; 41 PINK DOLPHIN; 99 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 55 RAT VON KIEL; 50 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE; 111 SCARLET PIMPERNEL; 238 SEAL SUCKER; 11 SHE’S THE BOSS; 76 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 704 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 731 SIR FREE WILLY; 730 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 893 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 443 TAMPAX; 53 THE WIZARD; 207 TWO TIME; 65 UNSTABLE LOAD; 821 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR; 342 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 13 WEASEL’S WILLY WARMER; 120 WEE MOANING WEASEL

Returners – 17

5 Samir Bobech; 4 Carl Kvistad; 2 BABY NO KNICKERS; 37 BOB SNOT HERE; 57 CASPER; 49 CRIMSON PENIS; 88 DEL BOY; 221 DOG LICKS ITS DICK; 197 JACKAL; 123 KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR; 166 MENSTRUAL DISORDER; 22 NO KNICKERS; 66 PISS POORER; 3 SON OF SKIPPY; 82 SPERM POLLUTER; 447 SQUEEZE MY TUBE; 39 TOSSA

Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 2

16 JACK WOW – Bangkok Hash, Thailand
1 KAMOY JOY – Pattaya Jungle Hash, Thailand

Virgins – 5

Haakon Eriksson
Peter Golding
Wang Moocow
Gon Nontapa
Alicia Ward

Leavers – 0

~ none this week ~

Anniversaries – 1

SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE was congratulated on completing 50 Runs.

Hash Name Events – 0

~ none this week ~

Saints and Sinners – 0

~ none this week ~

Birthdays – 0

~ none this week ~


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Run 1741


—– RUN REPORT —–

Scribe Report by Bob-a-Gob

The Belgian National Day Run will be remembered as the run when the beer truck broke down, luckily the beer arrived safely because of the timely intervention of THE WIZARD, accompanied by four half-witted Australians (THE WIZARD paid me to write that). This motley crew were officially recognised as Hash Heroes by MENTAL DISORDER and we were all very grateful for their efforts in getting the beer to the A site on time.

The Baht buses took a while to arrive at the A site because there were no HHH signs along the road (as they were in the broken down beer truck), so some skilful U-turns by the baht bus drivers were required, but we all got there in the end and we soon set off on a 10km run and 5km walk.

SEAL SUCKER was the winner of the run, followed closely by HARBOR QUICKSTART, by some distance from the others. HARBOR QUICKSTART told me that she usually comes first so was disappointed that SEAL SUCKER beat her to it this time and she will try harder to come first next time. 🙂 

Once the circle was formed the Raffle was drawn, prizes included Belgian chocolates, which a Belgian won, so that was a bit like taking coals to Newcastle. I won the biscuits, which was nice as I rarely win anything, so it definitely cannot be said that SIR FREE WILLY fixes the Raffle.

The Hares were put on the ice, followed by the remaining Belgians (quite rightly) and DIRT LOONEY for talking too loudly (nothing new there then!).

It was rumoured that VV had sold the beer truck to pay for nights out in Boys Town. LIBERACE and VV were called into the circle to explain what was going on with the beer truck and DIRT LOONEY was nominated as the Official Beer Truck Mechanic.

SPIN KING and 007 were put on the ice for only coming once every 4 years and WANK-KING’S WANKER then took the circle and awarded RAT VON KEIL his 50 Run Shirt and GANGREEN his 300 Run Cap.

LADY FLIPPER and SIR FREE WILLY were celebrating 33 years of marriage, when they were each asked what the highlight of their marriage was they both replied it was when SIR FREE WILLY took up residence in the Bangkok Hilton.

Next week is the Aussie Run which is yet another highlight of the PH3 calendar, so looking forward to seeing you all then. The Hash Scribe for this run was BOB-A-GOB.

On-On! Bob-a-Gob

Next week’s scribe is to be announced

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—– STATS REPORT —–

Names are listed in alphabetical order and show Total Runs with the PH3.

Total Runners This Week – 65

Hashers Present Last Week – 47

9 Wichuda Prakaykaeu; 45 ARSE VAN HOLE; 611 BALL RINGER; 393 BELL END; 131 BEN 10; 114 CAMEL HUMPER; 35 CHICKEN DUNDEE; 106 DESERT SCORPION; 101 DIRT LOONEY; 524 DUCHESS TADPOLE; 1408 EMPEROR AIRHEAD; 3 FLATULENCE; 641 G.I. JOE; 776 GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER; 21 GIGGLE TITS; 109 GOLDEN RIVET; 10 HARBOR QUICKSTART; 9 HUNGARIAN HOOKER HUMPER; 77 INVISIBLE MAN; 708 LADY FLIPPER; 351 LIBERACE; 441 LONE WOLF; 141 LOST CAUSE; 75 MASTER CHEF; 36 MAYO QUEEN; 194 MENTAL DISORDER; 23 MR GIGGLE SHIT; 755 MRS. HEAD; 195 NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER; 365 PELER; 40 PINK DOLPHIN; 98 PRINCESS BUM BOY; 54 RAT VON KIEL; 49 SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE; 110 SCARLET PIMPERNEL; 237 SEAL SUCKER; 75 SHIT ON MY SHIRT; 703 SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC; 730 SIR FREE WILLY; 729 SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD; 892 SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD; 442 TAMPAX; 9 THE COUNT; 64 UNSTABLE LOAD; 341 WANK-KING’S WANKER; 12 WEASEL’S WILLY WARMER; 119 WEE MOANING WEASEL

Returners – 15

2 Miro Habat; 3 Yuphin Somsakul; 71 007; 30 BOB-A-GOB; 273 COMPOST HEAP; 328 FUCK THE TRUTH; 304 GANGREEN; 39 GAS MAN; 10 HAPPY SURVIVOR; 10 SHE’S THE BOSS; 31 SPEW KING; 52 THE WIZARD; 217 TRY-A-FUCK; 206 TWO TIME; 819 VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR

Visitors (PH3 Total Runs) – 3

5 Gene Parisa – Bangkok Thursday Hash, Thailand
17 DREGS – Brisbane Hash, Australia
2 TWENTY MINUTES ON TOP – Pattaya Jungle Irregular Lunar Hash, Thailand

Virgins – 0

~ none this week ~

Leavers – 0

~ none this week ~

Anniversaries – 2

GANGREEN was awarded his 300th Run T-Shirt.
RAT VON KIEL was awarded his 50th Run T-Shirt.

Hash Name Events – 0

~ none this week ~

Saints and Sinners – 0

~ none this week ~

Birthdays – 0

~ none this week ~


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